"Okay, Maddy, first of all, you're not in high school anymore. Back then, we ran with a crowd of losers, most of whom were doing or dealing drugs. So of course they grew distrustful when they found out you weren't really one of them. You had goals and dreams they couldn't understand, and you were actually going after them."

"It isn't going after your dreams that makes people resent you, it's having your dreams come true without paying a price."

"No, it's pursuing them behind people's back." Anger flared in his voice.

She bit her lip, watching as his face hardened.

Exhaling in a gust, he looked away. "I'm sorry.

I didn't mean-" He turned back to her, calm now but intense. "Maddy, you are meant for great things. I think I've always sensed that about you.

You have so much talent. So much… life inside you. I think that's what drew me to you then and now." His hand tightened on hers. "Don't hold yourself back because of what people think. Who cares what people think?"

"I care! I like people. I don't want to hurt them."

"Hurt them?"

"Yes. It's like with Tammy Andersen."

"Tammy who?"

"Andersen. We had several art classes together in high school, and she was really good." He still looked blank, so she smirked. "A lot of the kids called her Tammy the Toad."

"Ah, yes. I remember. The girl who had no neck."

"Of all the friends who turned against me, she was the one who hurt the worst. I didn't know until later that she'd applied for the same scholarship- because I'd told her about it. I'd told her how'good she was and encouraged her to show her work. So she applied. And I beat her out. After that, she would never look me in the eye when we talked. She wasn't openly ugly to me, like some of our friends were, but I felt like I'd run over her cat and had no idea how to tell her I was sorry."

"Maddy…" He let out a scoffing breath. "Screw sorry. She was jealous. That was her problem."

She pulled back, aghast. "That is so cruel. And you aren't a cruel person. Normally."

"Life is cruel."

"Oh yes, let's be glib. 'Life is cruel.' That may be true, but I don't have to add to it."

"What, by succeeding? By knowing what you want and going after it? And when I said that was her problem, I meant she wasn't your friend if she let that get between you. You cared enough to encourage her, and she got miffed over your success rather than cheering you on? Definitely screw sorry."

"I just…"

"What?"

"I want everyone to succeed."

"I know." He caressed her cheek. "That's part of your magic."

"What am I going to do?" She turned fully toward him. "I want to grab on to this, but it's so big, and I don't know if I'm ready. Plus, I've made friends here, and I don't want to alienate them."

"Who, Carol and the others?"

And you, she thought.

He studied her a long moment, then moved off the bed to prowl the room. "I don't understand why your friendship with the staff here should hold you back. This is a summer job for you. Your main objective in coming here was to check out the galleries. The coordinators are barely more than acquaintances to you. Temporary friends. When the summer is over, you'll get on with your real lift-back in Austin." He turned back to her. "Right?"

What was he saying? Was he asking if she had any interest in staying? Before she could ask, the phone in the other room rang.

He glanced toward the sound, then mumbled something about needing to get the call.

She sat, wondering for the thousandth time what was going on between them. She knew she wanted more, but how much more? And what did he want? Perhaps it was time to build up the courage to ask.

She rose on shaky legs and moved to the doorway. Listening absently at first, then with growing interest as she realized he was talking to Derrick, his Ranger buddy, about starting the boot camp he'd mentioned. By the time he hung up, she was staring at him in disbelief.

"What's wrong?" he asked, frowning.

"You're going ahead with your plans for the boot camp."

"Yeah." He shrugged as if it were no big deal. "I talked it over with Mom, and she insisted she'd be fine with it."

"When?"

"A few days ago?"

"And you didn't think about sharing that with me?"

That internal wall he'd perfected rose up in an instant, blocking her out.

She flung an arm toward the bedroom. "You just chastised me for not sharing my dreams with you fifteen years ago, and now you're pursuing this behind my back?"

"It wasn't 'behind your back.' I told you I was thinking about it."

"But not that you were going through with it."

"This has nothing to do with us." He headed for the refrigerator and pulled out a can of cola.

"I told you I'd help-"

"I don't want you to help!" He whirled to face her, his expression so hard, hurt struck her chest. He turned back to the counter, popped the can open. "You're leaving at the end of summer, remember?" He glanced back at her, but only briefly. "Why waste what time we have together talking about business plans?"

"Because this is your dream. And you weren't going to share it with me… even though we're sleeping together."

"One has nothing to do with the other."

"Oh, well, excuse me for confusing sex with intimacy."

"Maddy, don't do this." He sighed heavily. "We're barely feeling our way along as it is. The past doesn't disappear just because we're getting along in the present."

She stared at him. "You said love was something that didn't have to be earned. It either is or it isn't. What about forgiveness? Does that have to be earned? If so, give me a task. Tell me what to do. How do I earn your trust if you're not willing to give me a chance?"

"What exactly are you asking for here? Do you even know what you want out of this thing between us?" Exasperation hardened his face. "Don't jack with me, Maddy! You can't come out here for one flippin' summer and expect me to jump right back into a serious relationship."

"What is it you want from this 'thing between us'?"

"Stop-" He took several deep breaths, but when he looked at her, his eyes blazed. "I took a blind leap for you once and fell flat on my face. Don't ask me to do it again. I prefer to take things slower these days."

"Apparently!" Her anger ignited. "You're only willing to jump off the high board when it's something you really want. I guess I don't meet that criteria." She started to storm out, but whirled back. "You want to take things slowly? All right. No problem. In fact, I think we should take things very slowly. As in, I need to be in your life more before I share my body with you again. Because until you're willing to share something of yourself, that's just a little too personal for me." She strode toward the door.

"Maddy…"

"Forget it, Joe. I realize you're worried about getting hurt. Well, join the club. We're all worried about getting hurt. That's part of being alive. When and if you decide to share something more than sex, let me know."

Chapter 14

Subject: Men are such jerks!!!

Christine: Whoa, what happened? I thought all was bliss with you and Joe?

Maddy pounded out an e-mail explaining everything, how Joe was doing to her the very thing he'd never forgiven her for and he didn't seem to see it. To him it was all her fault that he couldn't trust her.

Christine: You're right. Men are jerks.

Amy: Wait a minute. Let's not be too hasty. Maddy, what's Joe's side?

Christine: Who cares? We're having a bitchfest. We'll be mature later. For now, Mad, feel free to let it rip. We promise that if things work out for you and the Jerk, we won't hold anything you say now against him.

Amy: Well, of course she's free to bitch to us, but I'd still like to know Joe's side.

Maddy burst into tears as she typed her response: Have I mentioned lately how much I love you guys?

I don't suppose there's any way you'd come to the show so I can see you in person.

Christine: We love you too. And I'd be at the show in a heartbeat, but I'll still be in residency. Amy?

There was a pause before Amy responded: I wish I could. Really. But I couldn't possibly train someone to cover the office that quickly. Plus there's my grandmother.

Maddy knew Amy was making excuses, but let it slide as she typed: It's okay, Amy. I wasn't thinking.

Christine diplomatically shifted the subject away from Amy's fear of traveling: Okay, let's figure out a way to have Joe crawling on his hands and knees when he comes over tonight thinking a simple apology will get him back into your bed.

Only Joe didn't come that night.

The following day, when Maddy saw him in the dining hall, he marched in, grabbed his tray, stabbed at his food as if trying to kill it, and left.

Naturally, the coordinators noticed and had their heads together in an instant, whispering. Maddy wanted to scream. Confiding to Amy and Christine was one thing. That didn't mean she wanted Carol and the others plotting ways to get her and Joe back together.

As the days passed, however, the likelihood of a reconciliation seemed less and less likely. Weighed down by the thought, Maddy opened her laptop.

Message: I'm ready to be mature. Any advice on how I fix this? I miss Joe so much, I ache all over. Things were so perfect for a while. I want that back. Oh God, I think I really am in love with him.

Her hand hovered over the SEND key as her stomach churned. Should she delete that last sen-tence? Did telling someone make it real? Squinting her eyes, she hit SEND… and waited in agony for her friends' responses.