Not to mention he was the man who made me lose count somewhere after forty-something. Were my expectations really that high?

Maybe I needed to give the man a break. Not everyone held a dark secret. Not everyone was me.

He suffered a devastating loss that he wasn’t ready to talk about, or at least not with me. And he invented some crazy piece of medical equipment. No surprise there. He was exceptionally brilliant and insanely wealthy.

“Colton, that’s sweet.” Jackson’s enthusiasm drew me out of my head. “Had a patient hooked up last month, worked like a charm. Bitch of a machine to work though.”

“How’s it work? You really invented it?” Guy followed, looking genuinely interested.

Chase, on the other hand, not so much. His eyes darkened while his chest rose and fell at a slightly faster rate. Long moments of silence filled the room before his authoritative teaching tone deteriorated to condescension. “It’s not a new fucking science, Hunter, just better equipment. This shouldn’t be news to you as a third year. It’s a metal-lined catheter and a control unit used to induce therapeutic hypothermia. Helps minimize brain damage after traumatic head injuries. You can also use it for cardiac arrest, strokes and newborns. Lowers body temperature, less chance of longterm injury. You obviously need a brush up.” I tensed and looked away cringing. He really was being mean to Guy. “I expect you at surgical grand rounds tomorrow morning for my inservice.”

The circulating nurse cut in, “Dr. Colton, sorry to interrupt, but the call just came in—the helicopter will be here in three minutes.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can. Then we’ll finish the awake part of the case.” They both nodded in agreement. “Carl, do me a favor, if it’s not too much to ask, try and do your fucking job and make sure my patient stays asleep.”

I hated to say it, but Carl really was such a wet noodle. He kind of disappeared into the background. No wonder Chase was on edge. He made it perfectly clear he didn’t trust Carl’s judgment or like working with him. Chase basically banned him from all his cases. Obviously vacation schedules trumped surgeon’s requests.

Chase ripped his gown and gloves off and stormed out of the room without a glance back.

The last awake OR case I sat in on was the god-awful bloodbath almost two weeks ago. Who would have thought something so terrible that ended with the kiss of all kisses would lead to whatever the hell you would say we were doing. Secretly dating, fucking, semi-cohabitating. Keep telling yourself that’s all it is, Lil. Believe it or not, I looked forward to today after I saw an awake case on the schedule. Chase, in his element, was awesome. Intense, focused, and dominant. It reminded me of him in bed. I hoped the heat in my cheeks was hidden under the mask. Not the time or place for those thoughts.

Thankfully Guy snapped me out of my mental movie before it passed PG-13. “What the hell crawled up Colton’s ass? Dude, he’s like a chick with the mood swings. No offense, doll.”

It was crazy how surgeons had whole conversations without ever looking up. Eyes always on the field, hands moving meticulously while discussing pure nonsense.

“Hey!” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, but I wasn’t letting that little comment go.

“What? I didn’t mean you, Lili. Maybe Colton should take whatever pill you do, because he’s a fucking bear when he’s ragging it.” The men erupted with laughter. More like the boys. Minus the wet noodle, of course.

“Guy, you fucking kill me!” Jackson said. “I can’t believe you just said ragging it. I’ll take Colton’s PMS any day over what’s probably going on in Sam’s house. Pregnancy, man. Heard it’s like ragging it twenty-four, seven.”

“Really, man? Why’d you have to bring me into this? Remember—intern here. I’m having a hard enough time just standing here right now?” Sam was awesome. First intern in three years I adored from day one.

“Boys. In case you forgot, three women are in the room. And no—I’m not ragging it.” I glared at Jackson and Guy. “And Sam, ignore these Neanderthals. They have no clue about anything. My best friend is pregnant, too. Hormones can seriously suck.” I had to defend my half of the human race. Not to mention, my secret boyfriend who was no longer in the room. Wow, I liked the sound of that.

“Sorry, doll. Told you that you don’t count. You’re always awesome. Don’t ever change your pill. It works for you.”

What the hell?

“How do you even know I’m on the pill?” This conversation was getting seriously awkward.

“We’ve had like four rotations together, all day, every day. You haven’t had a bitchy day yet; you’re definitely on the pill.”

Well, that was sweet. Totally inappropriate, but sweet. That’s what I got for hanging with the boys.

“Well, my wife’s going back on whatever you’re on as soon as this baby is born.” Sam rejoined the conversation, but he was so full of it. He adored his wife, and I was sure he was just trying to hang with the boys.

“Sam, shut it. I also heard pregnancy sex is fucking hot. Suck it up. I’d take hormonal and bitchy if it came with hormonal and horny any day.”

Leave it to Jackson to take it to yet another level. I shook my head and looked over at the other women, figuring we would share in a how stupid are these boys eye roll, but nope. They perfected the art of blending in and tuning out.

“Maybe that’s what the Chief needs?” Guy just couldn’t let it go.

“What’s that?” Jackson asked.

“Laid. Colton could probably use a good lay, lighten him up a bit.”

OMG. I wanted to crawl under the table.

Jackson chuckled. “Dude. Hate to break it to you. It’s you. Colton’s actually been in a pretty good mood lately. My guess, he’s not having any problem getting laid.”

Shoot me. I blushed fuchsia.

“You walk in, man, you push his buttons.” Jackson finished shaking his head.

“What the fuck did I do?” Guy was so oblivious.

The OR door swung open. Chase backed in swiftly, his muscular biceps flexed, arms dripping wet. “Do tell, Dr. Hunter. What the fuck did you do?” Chase’s tone was more relaxed from when he stormed out. Three and a half weeks since we met, the sight of him still took my breath away.

“Um, nothing. We’re good. Just about done with the dissection.”

Hearing Guy stutter, I was embarrassed for him. Shit. I was embarrassed for me. After all, they were commenting on our sex life without even knowing it. If Sierra were here, she would have been rolling on the floor by now. Awkward.

Chase re-gowned, gloved, and then took position at the head of the table. His quiet confidence commanded the room. “Good. Glad to see you can follow directions.” Maybe that was a compliment, but it oozed sarcasm.

“Piece of cake, Chief.” Jackson knew he just earned a little more of Chase’s trust in the operating department. “How’d it go down in the ER?”

“Fine. Should have been a non-issue if the ER had done a damn inservice on the equipment weeks ago like they were supposed to. Like I told them to. Doesn’t matter now. Can’t change anything. Patient will hopefully be fine, only time will tell, we’ll have to wait and see.” His voice drifted ever so slightly, but something small changed. Chase closed his eyes tightly for several seconds like someone did when they were stressed or praying or remembering.

I wondered what it was like to depend on your skill day in and day out to save a life … and to accept that some things were out of your control despite your talent and hard work. How many times had Chase had to wait and see? How many patients died despite his best effort? I doubted the boys realized the enormity of the responsibility they were training for.

Chase opened his eyes and the switch flipped back on. “So tell me. What did I miss? Suction.” Like anyone in the room was stupid enough to answer that one.

“Just Guy teasing Lili,” Sam chimed in out of nowhere. I raised my brow and gave Chase an I have no idea look. “You know the double standard, a man has a condom in his wallet for only one reason, right? We have to own it, but girls ... ever notice they’re all on the pill for bad cramps or irregular periods these days?”

What the hell, Sam. This was the save he came up with? Guy better have appreciated his intern stepping up, but I was going to kill him. Usually I handled hanging with the boys, but this needed a fast-forward.

“And this has to do with Ms. Porter, how?” Dr. Possessive was not a fan of the conversation. Neither was I.

“Not our Lili. All about the clear skin, right, girl?” Jackson rescued me. Kind of.

Clear skin. Right. I wished that was my impetus for starting birth control.

Chase glared over the short curtain. Those sexy stormy eyes yelled, Blue, I’m about to lose my fucking mind.

Crap, what if he had walked in on the real conversation.

The crazy talk came to an abrupt halt when an obnoxious beep echoed through the room, and seven sets of eyes turned toward the anesthesia cart.

“Carl. What the fuck’s your problem?” Chase growled as if he knew why the machines were beeping. He wasn’t alarmed this time, just angry. The blaring ominous tune brought back awful memories of the blood bath. “Silence the fucking alarm.”

Carl stared at the screen. Didn’t flinch. If looks killed, Wet Noodle needed CPR. Chase bordered on homicidal. In slow motion, Dr. Jennings finally reached up and hit a button, silencing the beep. “Just kinked IV tubing. Not a big deal.”