Chapter 12 Trust

“You look good in my bed,” I whispered.

I planned for a Cali weekend but she called earlier in the week and said she’d rather head back here. She left the reason vague, but I was just psyched she took Thursday off as well. I leaned in closer, dislodged her pillow, and kissed her temple. She was definitely awake. Her breathing had changed and I was becoming used to her subtle tossing and turning. I liked that I could tell.

“I could get used to this, and not just long weekends.” Since Vermont, I’d casually implied a move a couple more times, but quickly learned it was impossible to accomplish anything over the phone. And to say we failed at making any headway on this matter was an understatement. She perfected ignore and avoid, laughing it off most of the time. I knew what that was all about, but I wasn’t joking. Actually, I was dead serious.

With arms folded over her head, she tucked her cheek into her elbow seemingly to avoid my gaze. “Mmm, I like being here.” Her response was flat.

Okay, not the enthusiasm I had hoped for. She kept her eyes sealed shut while her top teeth grazed her lower lip.

“Tal, look at me.” I propped up and unfolded her arms. She cracked her lids. “You’ve been dodging this for weeks. I’ve given you time, but we need to talk about this. I’m done making jokes. It’s plain and simple, black and white—I’m over this long distance situation. I want you.”

She stiffened with my bluntness and her eyes bounced directly to the ceiling. Maybe I did need that lesson on morning pillow talk, it seemed this was fail number two.

“Listen, it doesn’t have to be tomorrow, or next week, but I’m not feeling a long drawn out plan either. We’re not getting any younger, so-”

Her eyes bulged on the age reference. Bad approach.

“Let’s just explore some options. I would move out West in a heartbeat, but my family is here and you get why that’s not an option right now. But since it’s only you-”

Her lips pursed and not in a good way. I sucked at this.

“I’m just saying there are a plethora of great hospitals here and we both have connections. I’m sure we can come up with something.” I completely backpedaled.

Now wide awake and obviously annoyed, she rolled away and scooted to the edge of the bed. Tagging her tank and pants, she covered her gorgeous body, the body I should have been exploring with my tongue. Shit. I fucked this up.

Aimed straight for the window, she tugged open the curtains and stared into the rising sun. “You make it sound so easy. I wish it were.”

Not the response I wanted, but at least she was finally engaging. Not to mention, it was that easy. I could have her moved and set up with a sick new office in two weeks. All right, I knew from Chase and from sitting on the hospital board that medical licensing and credentialing might take longer. Two months, tops. I bit my tongue, silently stewing, thinking I might want to hold off on interjecting my ideas.

“It’s just … there’s more … I mean…” Her voice cracked and she ran both hands through her hair, squeezing her head.

I was already up and out of bed turning her around by her shoulders. “Tal, I didn’t bring this up to upset you.” That was the last thing I expected. “I’ll say it again, I want you. Just you. Never thought I’d say that to a woman, but it’s the truth. I’m done. Done with meaningless sex, done with a life of no commitment, no obligation. Call me selfish, but I’m done with the distance, too. Actually, I hate it. That being said, I’ll take you any way I get you.”

“You don’t think I hate it, too? I love what we have. I’m so happy. You make me happy. It’s just a big change, I can’t just pick up and leave … you just don’t get it … there’s more.”

No, I didn’t get it. She admitted she loved what we have and she was happy. Argument was over in my book. Unless…

“Do you trust me?”

She stepped back, shock behind her eyes. “What?”

“You heard me. Do you trust me?” It was a simple question and one I had asked before.

“Of course I trust you. What kind of question is that?” Her answer was the same too.

My arms fell from her shoulders when she began to pace. “A logical one. You just admitted you love this and you’re happy. So I’m having a hard time understanding the problem. Unless you don’t trust what I’ve just laid out for you, unless you think I’m the kind of guy that’s going to ask you to give up everything and play you-”

“Don’t do that.” She shut me up momentarily.

“Do what?” I barked back.

So this was fighting. Aside from being frustrating as all hell, it was kind of hot.

“Twist this around. You know I know exactly who you are, and you know I trust you. I’ve trusted you since I was nine years old. Not everything is cut and dry, as you’d like to say. Sometimes there’s more to consider.”

“What more is there? I can’t read your mind, talk to me.” I raked my scalp, hard. “If you’re scared or nervous, you’re not alone, I want to help. I want you and I want this. I’m determined to make this work more than anything in my life, Tal.” Damn, I sounded like the woman. She had me practically begging. “Let me be the person you turn to for everything … and for nothing. What do I need to do to be that person?”

I was desperate to break through to her. She was shutting down, and for some reason I knew this wasn’t nerves. This had nothing to do with being scared. My TP was fearless.

“I can’t do this right now.” She stalked toward the bathroom, pausing at the jamb to look over her shoulder. “I have somewhere I need to be.”

What the hell, my flip switched. Where? She was here a day early for a reason.

“You don’t want to talk about it right now, we won’t. But it doesn’t mean I’m not gonna bring it up again. Actually, you can be sure as fuck I will.” I was fuming.

“Thought the only time you weren’t a gentleman was in bed?” Her eyes matched mine.

Bitch slap, direct hit. I might drop expletives in jest, but she was right, I never cursed at a woman in anger. Ever. Could be because this was the first time I was ever actually angry with a woman.

“Maybe I thought we could have a conversation like two adults?” Maybe my tone was a bit harsh, but it was probably the most serious conversation I’ve ever had in my life with a woman and she walked away. I laid it on the line and she walked the FUCK away. What did I get myself into? Relationships—too goddamn complicated.

With no response, she closed the bathroom door. I had zero practice with this shit. My instincts were to bang down the door and plead my case over and over. Then again, my argument was pretty explicit the first go round. Instead I took a deep breath to slow my pounding heart, the ball was in her court. This was her decision now. As angry as I was at what just transpired, I was even more pissed at myself for starting the whole damn episode. I ruined our morning (after a night that challenged the record books I might add) and put a strain on our relationship because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. Son of a bitch. I’d always been the closed off and guarded guy and now I was open and exposed. I was questioning my change.

I paced for several minutes; it did squat. I dropped to the floor. A hundred and fifty push-ups did less. The shower water continued to beat against the tile and all I really wanted to do was strip down and join her. But I wasn’t stupid enough to think that would fly. I needed a solid hour with the bag to work out some of this energy. I glanced at the clock. I had to be at the office by nine to deal with a huge client—Fred-fucking-Flintstone to be exact, followed by a mandatory hospital board meeting at eleven. Shit, the gym wasn’t an option either. Back to being a gentleman, I used the guest room shower. How was that for irony? This whole time I thought she was only a chapter behind and slowly catching up, but now I wondered if she was reading a completely different book. Maybe a move wasn’t ever in her plan. Maybe a long distance relationship was enough for her. What the hell ever happened to ticking clocks and shit like that? Oh right, she wasn’t like every other woman. Fucking irony. We cordially left my apartment a little after eight. Before we went our separate ways, she suggested we continue our conversation tonight. I hoped for the chapter.


“How was Stowe, good powder? Blue said you brought Talia with you, seems serious.”

I stopped by Chase’s office after my board meeting.

“Yeah, it was fine, good, whatever.” I was distracted, replaying our fight from this morning. It was a fight, right? I didn’t know. I didn’t do fucking fights. My mind swirled. Are we serious? Good question. “Sorry man, got a lot on my plate. Work’s been insane, Dad seems to be getting worse, and yeah, Tal and I are getting closer.” Unsure why, I was still a little hesitant about talking about Talia with him. It was odd, but even more odd was the fact that he and Tal hadn’t seen each other yet. Especially since his wife and Talia hit it off and were occasionally texting back and forth for a few weeks now.

“His confusion more noticeable?”

“More than that. His cognitive function significantly deteriorated. He was in the wrong year, bouncing between the past and present. Happened in Vermont, in front of all of us, Maggie, my sisters, Tal. Thankfully, my nieces weren’t home at the time because Molly fucking lost it.”

“Ah shit, Ash. Sorry, man. Wish they were making better advances with the disease progression. Most of the research is still focused on early detection.”