Riley Mackenzie - Beautifully Done

I cut her off mid-sentence because I had no intention of listening to a second more. She shut her eyes, sealing me off. I spoke louder to compensate. “Oh hell no, don’t you start. You wanna try? We’ll try. It doesn’t work? It doesn’t work. I don’t care. Open your eyes, Teeps.” She was shutting down so fast, this felt like Fort fucking Knox. Hesitant at first, she finally connected with my fiery gaze. “I. Don’t. Care. You are it for me. Always was and always will be. No matter what.”

She did what Talia does and mouthed, “Okay.” I wasn’t feeling it. She needed to see, needed to believe that I was not going anywhere.

I cradled her legs under one arm and rested her back against the other. I splayed her gorgeous body out on our bed. “You are so fucking beautiful.” My mouth found hers in a way we both had buried. Of course we kissed and spent a lot of time doing it, but our intimacy was about comfort and safety, both of which she needed to start healing. From the inside out. Yes, it was different. Different from what we shared before, but no less special. It was ours. It was what worked. And up until now, up until she shared with me her desire, I would have lived with that forever.

“Please.” She dug her fingers into my hair and pulled me closer. Raw and desperate, she matched me movement for movement, tongue for tongue, as we equally devoured each other’s mouths. My hands instinctively wandered, kneading and rediscovering her new physique. Her arms, shoulders, and pecs were all tighter, more defined. I palmed her firm breasts and fingered her taut nipples. My mouth left her lips and kissed a path down between her cleavage. I moved and circled her perfect buds with my tongue. She gasped and arched her back in response. Damn, she was hot. She was mine.

“You’ve got to tell me what you need. God, I missed this. You are so hot. I can’t wait to be inside you. What I want to do to you.” There was no thinking—my sex mouth took over. Our ragged breathing was all I could hear, my pulsing dick all I could feel. It had been so long, too long.

Kneeling above her, I paused to appreciate the sick view before I gently peeled down her yoga pants and tiny black thong. She couldn’t lift or shimmy so it took more effort than before. Whatever, this was now. And she was just as perfect. Her eyes were locked on mine, self conscious and searching.

“I’ve got you … it’s still just us. I want you more right now than I ever have. Trust me.” I placed one of her hands over my thumping heart and her other over my raging hard-on.

She drew in a sharp breath and before she let it out I was there, tasting her sweet mouth. Her hands grabbed at my tented track pants. She didn’t need to ask twice. Gone. My heart pounded like a seventeen-year-old virgin. Naked and panting against her lips, after everything—despite everything—I never felt so close to another human being in my life. Yet this was uncharted territory. A first of all firsts. Definitely causing more anxiety than my actual first time. But when she uttered, “I love you,” I relaxed and the last few shards in my chest mended.

I wanted her so badly it fucking hurt. Real pain. Love wasn’t supposed to hurt. But this wasn’t love. This ... we … were so much more. “Love’s not even close, Teeps. Not even close.”

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t researched, hadn’t scoured the web and online support groups. This was trial and error, case by case. Yet this wasn’t just another case report for someone to publish in a cutting edge medical journal. This was us.

Tal’s deficits were strictly motor. Her sensory functions were intact. She felt pain, she felt pressure, she felt heat and she felt cold. Some areas were more diminished than others, but she had feeling. Even with sacral sparing, there were no guarantees as to sexual function, though. And from everything I read, she was the exception, not the norm.

But that was Tal in life … the exception, not the norm.

After thoroughly exploring every inch of her mouth, I slowed my assault, reluctant to sever our connection. Every nerve ending in my body was humming. I knelt back up and gently maneuvered her legs apart one at a time using small, even movements. With wide eyes, she bit her bottom lip, cautiously accepting my control. For as dominant as she was in life, she had always been submissive in the bedroom. But this was different. This was a trust like no other. My chest swelled while my dick begged to seize.

“Ash-”

“Shh.” I lingered at her foot, kissing her tatted arch. Tiny whimpers were escaping from her swollen lips. “Shh.” I brushed my mouth against her left calf. “Shh.” I licked her upper right thigh. Now splayed open, my face hovered above the place I craved. She wasn’t that wet, but then again she never was. According to Tal, just another unwelcomed reward of childbirth. Never mattered to me because remedying that situation was my greatest pleasure. And this time was no different.

My first taste was exquisite. “So fucking delicious,” I groaned, realizing how much I had missed my fine scotch. Her silky folds were like a mirage that I was greedily lapping and sucking for every last drop. “You have no idea how much I missed this … missed you.” I wanted inside. Using my saliva, I wet my fingers and eased deep inside her warm tunnel, stretching and curling to reach her sweet spot. She moaned my name and fisted my hair. Tonight her sexy noises were all I had. I was used to the way she salaciously rode my hand and face searching for her release.

Tonight her hips did not twist.

They did not unashamedly buck.

They did not thrust to match my rhythm.

They were silent.

“Ash …” This time it wasn’t a moan. Instead it was a shaky almost melancholic tone. I hated it.

“Relax, let me take care of you.” I lifted my eyes to meet hers, letting her know I was not giving up. I would spend all night—or eternity—between her legs discovering exactly what she needed now. I feverishly alternated my penetrating rhythm from gentle to punishing by adding another finger while my mouth teased her delicious bundle of nerves. My cock throbbed and my spine tingled, but my desire to give this to her overshadowed my own need. It was all consuming. Despite my constant lubrication, the friction was increasing with each pass. Hoping I still possessed the key to her detonation and knowing how she had grown to love it, I pressed my thumb against her tight ring, seeking entrance. I strained to listen for spikes in her breathing and changes to her melodic tempo. And I waited for her moans to crescendo.

But I heard nothing. Her song was over.

She was silent.

She cupped my chin and coaxed me to eye level. “I love you. So much. You know that will never change. And thank you so much for trying.”

Wait. She was giving up. No.

“It’s our first try, Teeps. Doesn’t mean anything. We have forever to try again.”

Even though she soothingly held my face between her palms I saw nothing but pure devastation cracking her brave facade. “I’m fine. Really.” There was nothing fine about the look on her face. She must have seen an equal amount of devastation on mine. I felt like I failed her. “You need to know that I love being this close to you again, that’s enough for me … but it isn’t enough for you.”

“Tal-” She pressed a finger over my lips, sealing them. I did not like where this was going.

“No, listen to me. I know you love me, I know you will take me however you can get me, but I also know you’re a man. So please, I don’t want to stop yet. I need this. I need to know that I can do this for you. Let me taste you.” She reached for my cock and bit her lip.

“What. No.” I clipped way harsher than I meant. But if she thought she was going to suck me off while she lay there, she had another thing coming. She flinched and a wave of anguish and disappointment flooded her beautiful face. “Shit, Teeps, that didn’t come out right. Of course I would want you to … just not like… I mean … I wanted you to … I don’t know.” I clenched my lids and raked my hair so hard, a bald spot wouldn’t have been surprising.

This was a complete clusterfuck. No, I was the complete fuck up.

“I am so sorry.” Her voice cracked. “I know … I know this is hard.”

Hell no.

She was crying.

I braced my weight on my forearms and leaned so we were chest to chest. Heart to heart. Lips to lips. Breath to breath. And said the only thing that mattered. “Let me make love to you.”

“But-”

“No buts, Teeps. I am going to make love to you.” I moved my lips from her mouth to her cheeks and began to kiss away every tear that continued to flow. I couldn’t explain with words how this was good enough, how she was all I’d ever need. So I showed her.

Careful to not hurt her, I widened her legs some more and reached for some lube. Then I closed the distance between us, shut out our fears and made us one. I made love to her mouth at the same pace as to her body, slow and rhythmic with no end point in sight.

I was wrong, it wasn’t good enough.

It was everything.

We never made it to that little cafe.

Something changed between us that day, and not for the better. We didn’t discuss it and we certainly didn’t try again. It was one of the giant elephants we pretended wasn’t there. I figured Tal would let me know when she was ready. Though I hated to admit, I felt like it might be never. We fell back into our normal routine, but there was nothing normal about it. And even though Tal was the exception, I was realizing she wanted nothing more than to be the norm. And I wanted to give her that.