None of her sketches had made it over in the move, and that was probably for the best. It was time to let go of her childhood fantasies and put all of her energy into more practical endeavors. Maybe if she had made better choices, worked harder to get scholarships or minded her own business more-maybe she would have gone to that art school and taken her modest raw talent and done something amazing with it. Looking back and wondering what might have been was a waste of time. Growing up was about realizing that what you want to do and what you have to do are often two very different things.

Like living in an apartment paid for by your sister’s lover.

A knock on the door interrupted her self-lecture.

Don’t let it be Jake.

Okay, please let it be Jake.

No, I’m not ready to see him again.

Lil opened the door and told herself that she wasn’t disappointed to see her friend, Alethea. As usual, Alethea was dressed in what she liked to call “casual chic.” Her clothes were trendy, but low-key, the kind most people wouldn’t remember later-tan cotton pants, a peach silk blouse. The only hint of the wild personality that lay beneath her deliberately bland attire stuck out from beneath her long pants; Alethea had a weakness for outrageously priced high heels.

Looking at her perfectly polished friend now, it was hard to believe they had ever stayed up all night eating pizza and watching horror movies together. Alethea’s long red hair was held back in a stylish pony tail that emphasized her delicate facial features and green eyes that Lil had spent half of her life envying.

She swept into Lil’s penthouse, scanning the place quickly before turning back to Lil and saying, “How is my favorite baby?”

Lil held Colby out for Alethea to take and cringed when her friend tossed her up into the air, sending the baby into a fit of giggles. When Colby’s amusement subsided, Alethea tossed her again and joined the laughter.

“Please don’t drop her,” Lil warned.

Her friend rolled her eyes dramatically and said to Colby, “Your mother is a worry wart now. You did that to her.” She wagged a finger in front of the laughing baby, tickling her with the finger and saying, “Who did it? You did it, little blondie.”

Lil led the way back to the seating area. As expected, Alethea went on a quick self-guided tour, returning to join Lil in the living room. She sat on one of the overstuffed chairs and bounced Colby on her knees. “Whew! It was actually difficult to get in here.”

Lil tucked her feet beneath her on her own chair, feeling the pinch of her pencil skirt and deliberately ignoring the discomfort. “Did you try ringing up from the front desk?”

“What fun would that have been?” Alethea made a face at Colby, laughing along with the child. “Do you know you have your own personal security detail in the back alley?”

“Apparently not very good security, if you got past them.”

“I haven’t met a security system yet that could keep me out.” Although Alethea was answering Lil’s questions, she was doing so in an exaggerated tone that sent Colby back into giggles.

“Have you forgotten…” Lil said.

“That was high school, Lil. I hadn’t realized my potential.” At Lil’s sour expression, she said, “Don’t make me apologize for it again. Geez, you get your friend arrested one time and they hold it against you forever.”

Laughing would only encourage her. Lil adjusted her position in her chair as one of her legs went numb. “I really wish you had gotten into the FBI. You need to be monitored.”

“They didn’t think they could reform me, but don’t worry, I’m making much more money freelancing my skills. So, what happened to you? Were you snatched from your house in the middle of the day and didn’t think it’s worth calling me about?”

Lil smoothed the hem of her skirt down to buy some time. “I wasn’t snatched,” she hedged.

“Seriously, are you under some sort of home arrest?”

Although she was tempted to say yes, she grudgingly admitted,“No, Dominic is worried that Colby and I might be in danger since my interview stirred up so much interest with the press.” Lil shuddered.

Her friend didn’t look surprised.“He’s right. Your face is everywhere right now. And your sister really could not have picked a more high profile boyfriend.”

“But I’m not…”

“It doesn’t matter if you have money. It would be the potential of what you’d be worth to Dominic.”

Lil imagined what he must have thought of her to send Jake to fix her. “This week, I’m sure that’s not very much.”

Alethea rolled her eyes. “I would have brought wine if I had known this was going to be a pity party. You know I hate it when you martyr out on me.”

Lil glared at her as you can only openly do at someone you’ve been best friends with for more than a decade.

Alethea was not concerned. “Glare all you want, but I’m likely to be the only one who won’t clock you in the head if you try to say how horrible it is to be forced into a life of luxury and leisure. How will you survive with around the clock maid service and an uptown address? No, no, I want to pay my own college loans off. You can’t make me take your money, Dominic.” Alethea mimicked Lil’s voice in the most unflattering way.

“Shut up. It’s not like that.” Lil smacked her hand down on the arm of her chair.

Alethea just met her eyes without a word.

Lil said, “Okay, I can see how this would look wonderful to some people, but I don’t want to owe anyone anything anymore. I’m so tired of being the one who doesn’t know, who can’t know, who everyone thinks can’t survive on their own. I’ve made mistakes. And I’m still making mistakes.” The memory of how easily she had fallen into Jake’s arms made her almost as uncomfortable as the realization that she longed for something more serious with him. She continued on, her pitch rising with each word. “Huge stupid mistakes. I admit it. But this doesn’t have to be me. I can change.”

At the show of emotion, Alethea sat forward, “What did you do?”

“Nothing,” Lil said and blinked back tears of frustration. Unsure if she could admit the fullness of her folly to even her closest friend.

“You might as well tell me now,” Alethea said, grinning. “You know I’ve studied Bauer interrogation techniques. I’m not afraid to use them on you.”

“Sometimes you scare me a little, Al.”

Her friend only laughed. “Spill it.”

Lil let her head drop back to the cushion behind her head. “I slept with Jake.”

One of Alethea’s hands shot skyward. “Hallelujah!”

Lil peeked out from beneath her mostly closed eyelids. “How can you say that?”

“Let’s see. My best friend gets dumped over a year ago by an asshole. She swears off men and goes from being someone who enjoys a good adventure now and then to a complete and miserable stick in the mud. The universe sends her not only one of the hottest men on the planet, but also one of the richest and she takes advantage of the opportunity. Yeah, I can see how bad I’m supposed to feel for you.” Alethea’s sarcasm was replaced by amusement. “At least tell me he was awful in bed.”

Lil blushed at the memory. “We didn’t make it to the bed.”

Alethea nodded and joked, “Okay, now I might hate you a little bit.” Her tone turned serious again. “Lil, you really need to lighten up and enjoy the ride.”

“Oh, I did,” Lil drawled and the two shared a laugh.

“Now, there is the Lil I know.”

Lil raised her head and both her eyebrows at that. “Are you calling me a slut?”

Her friend’s response was thick with sarcasm. “Yeah, because sleeping with two guys by the age of twenty five is everyone’s definition of a whore.” Her tone grew more serious. “Besides, who would care if you were one? Slut, whore…those are just words men use to judge what they cannot control. And, more specifically, they were the words your ex used when you proved to him that you could survive when he left you. Don’t let him have any place in your head.”

Lil left her seat to join Alethea on hers and simply hugged her. She really should have called her last night instead of spending hours chasing her own thoughts around. Al always knew just what to say. What’s better than a friend who knows all the ugly corners of your soul and loves you anyway?

Alethea hugged her back and then said, “So, details, details.”

Lil shrugged. “It was good, but it doesn’t really matter. It won’t happen again. I’m not his type.”

“Apparently.”

“No, seriously, we agreed that it was a mistake.”

Alethea shook her head in mock sadness. “You mean you said it first.”

Lil held her fear in. He would have said it if I’d waited. Sometimes the anticipation was worse than the actual desertion.

“Well, what did he say?” her friend prompted.

“He agreed that it was a mistake.”

“And then?”

“And then he left.”

One line appeared on Alethea’s forehead, a sign that she found something puzzling. “And you haven’t seen him since?”

Lil looked away. “He came back, made sure I had groceries and watched Colby so I could study for my exam.”

Alethea barked out a laugh. “Wow, he sounds like such a jerk. You are so right to feel bad about the whole experience.”

Lil didn’t expect her friend to understand. Alethea was used to getting any man she wanted. “He only came back because Dominic had asked him to make sure I had settled in.”

“Yeah, probably. Not because he’s hot for you and wanted to see you again.”

“It’s not like that, Alethea.”

Alethea turned Colby around on her lap and started bouncing her again. “Lil, I get why you are like you are. Your parents left you, Asshole left you, now you feel like your sister left you. You don’t want to care because you’re afraid this guy will leave you, too. I get it. But while you wallow in all that fear, you’re missing out on some life changing opportunities.”