“I am. I can’t believe my mother was ever arrested. She was so…perfect.”

Zhang gave a rueful smile. “The heart remembers people kindly, but no one is perfect. I’ve heard about some of your adventures and I admire your spirit. You stand up for those you care about. You say what you think, no matter the cost. Those are qualities I respect. You should, too.” The simplicity and power of Zhang’s comment hung in the reflective quiet that followed them.

Ok, so I’ll never be Abby, but if Zhang was right-maybe I don’t have to be.

“I’ve wasted a lot of time second guessing myself,” Lil said, marveling at how comfortable she felt sharing her greatest concern with someone she didn’t know. Or perhaps it was simply because she didn’t know Zhang that she could say what she had tried to conceal from even herself.

Zhang shrugged. “I didn’t get where I am today by never making a mistake.”

Maybe I’ll be a good mother after all and this year will simply be newspaper clipping my kids will laugh about. “Thank you, Zhang. I can’t tell you how much you’ve helped me.”

Zhang nodded, still looking far too solemn.

Her unhappiness was none of Lil’s business.

This was exactly the type of crossroad Lil felt she often made the wrong decision at.

Things would go much smoother if she didn’t get involved.

I’ve never really been the one to take the easy road, maybe it’s time to embrace that about myself.

“Why don’t you want to be in the wedding?” Lil asked.

The same woman who had freely discussed Lil’s personal life did not seem as willing to reveal anything about her own. “I’m not exactly the American wedding type.”

“You don’t want to drink too much while dressed from head-to-toe in mauve taffeta and wake up the next morning wondering why you French kissed your best friend’s brother?”

Zhang didn’t so much as crack a smile.

Tough crowd.

“Something like that,” Zhang said.

“Why do I get the feeling you’ve never done that?”

That did get Zhang to smile.

“I haven’t either.” At Zhang’s raised eyebrow, Lil admitted, “Okay, once…maybe twice.”

Zhang shook her head in amusement.

Lil defended herself with humor. “Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Something about weddings makes me a little nutty.”

The other woman’s smile slipped away. “Weddings make me sad.”

Now, we’re getting somewhere.

“Is that the reason you don’t want to be in Abby’s?”

Zhang didn’t respond for a moment. Instead, she took in the night sky as if no response were anticipated. Finally, she said, “I’m the woman I wanted to become. I have more than I could have ever imagined. I’ve done more than I ever dreamt I could. But I’m alone.”

It was difficult for Lil to imagine that a woman as confident and beautiful as Zhang wouldn’t have a man in her life. The real sadness in her voice hinted at a level of loneliness more profound than a romantic dry spell.

“Don’t you have a family?” Lil asked.

“Yes, of course. My parents often join me in whichever home I am using at the time, but I go to sleep alone. I wake up alone. When I close on a deal and want to celebrate I can call friends who wonder how much money will be enough for me, parents who think it’s time for me to concentrate on finding a husband, or keep the news to myself. I often choose the latter.” Zhang’s intense black eyes revealed a pain Lil was certain the woman had not shared with many. “Your sister tells me that you won’t accept anyone’s help because you want to be independent. Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes it’s not everything you thought it would be.”

Lil thought about Jake. She’d been afraid that she would lose herself if she accepted any help from him but, looking back, Jake had consistently shown her that he valued her interests and her goals. It would have been easy for a man of his wealth to dismiss her desire to finish her degree, but he hadn’t. Another man might have asked to see one of her sketches and buried her beneath a deluge of flattery that would have meant nothing, but Jake hadn’t done that either. He had respected the desire every artist has to learn and improve. Her gut told her that Jake wouldn’t make her choose-she could still be a strong, independent woman and be his.

If only he loved her.

Yes, he wanted her. Yes, he respected her, but what if he had nothing more than that to offer her?

Even if I take my betrayal with me to the grave…is half of Jake better than none?

There were plenty of things Lil had no control over: she couldn’t make Jake love her, she couldn’t undo the past, but she could damn well put her insecurities aside and do the right thing for Abby.

“I’ll make you a deal, Zhang.”

The woman looked at her.

“I’ll find Abby and tell her that I’d love to be her maid of honor if you say yes to being a bridesmaid. You keep me out of trouble at the wedding and I’ll make you laugh.”

Zhang’s expression was difficult to interpret.

“Deal?” Lil asked hopefully.

“Yes,” she said slowly.

Abby stepped out onto the balcony. “Oh, this is where you two disappeared to.”

Zhang stood and said, “Excuse me, but I know the two of you have things you need to discuss.”

Lil touched Zhang’s arm before she left and said, “Thank you.”

Zhang nodded with a smile that reached her eyes and said, “Don’t be afraid to soar, Lil. Find your wings.” Then she exited the balcony.


Abby came to sit beside her sister. At first neither said anything and then they both said,

“I’m sorry,” in union and stopped.

Lil said, “I wish life had a do-over button, Abby. I feel like I have so much to apologize to you for.”

Abby took her sister’s hand in one of hers. “I understand that feeling all too well.”

Lil squeezed her hand. “I blamed you for so many things that were not your fault, Abby.”

Abby put a supportive arm around her. “Oh, don’t worry, some of it was my fault, I’m sure. I wanted to be there for you, Lil, so much so that sometimes I didn’t listen to what you were telling me you needed.”

Lil said, “I’m sorry that I embarrassed you in front of the Andrade family.”

Abby gave her a small smile. “Trust me, your walk out was not the most embarrassing part of the meal.”

Lil shook her head in confusion. “Really? What happened after I left?”

Abby suggested, “Let’s talk about that later. First, I want to apologize for putting you in an awkward position by asking you to be my maid of honor with an audience.”

Lil could not have felt worse than she did. She met her sister’s eyes and hoped the extent of her remorse showed in her expression. “Well, I’m sure you thought, rightfully so, that my answer would be a yes.”

Abby touched her sister’s cheek softly as a mother would touch a child they weren’t sure how to console. “Either way, it was wrong, and I respect your decision. I don’t understand it, but I know that you didn’t say it to hurt me.”

“I’m scared,” Lil blurted.

“Of what, Lil?” Abby asked in surprise.

It was time for honesty, at least, for as much as she could share without endangering her friends. “What if I do something that takes all of this away from you? You’re finally happy. I love seeing you with Dominic, but I feel like the closer I come to you and your wedding – the more potential there is that I could mess something up.”

Abby hugged Lil closer and said, “If my relationship with Dominic is so fragile that it can’t survive a Lil Dartley escapade, then it wasn’t going to last anyway.”

Lil pulled back and searched her sister’s face. “How can you be like that? How can you look the worst case in the eye without being afraid?”

Abby smiled sadly and confessed, “Who said I’m not afraid? I’m flipping terrified half the time and I have been since Mom and Dad died.”

“Really?” That didn’t sound like Abby.

“Lil, I was eighteen when they passed away. I had no idea how to pay bills, keep a house, mother someone.”

The enormity of the responsibility that had fallen onto Abby’s shoulders at an age when she should have been thinking only of herself filled Lil with sudden shame. What could she say to someone who had given up so much and been shown so little respect in return? How do you begin to make up for that? “But you did it.”

“Yes, and I still go to sleep each night wondering if I’ve done any of it well.”

“You have, Abby. You have nothing to regret.”

Unlike me.

“Lil, fear is a nasty little condition that touches everyone’s life at one time or another. Dominic may look all tough on the outside, but he gets scared just like you and I do. He has a box of his father’s papers, one that was sent back to him from the auction Nicole had, and he won’t open it. There could be bonds, deeds, or a personal letter from his father, but he says he doesn’t want to know what’s in it. He says he’s spent too many unhappy years to risk losing what he has now over something in that box of papers. Imagine worrying that whatever is in there could ruin his new relationship with his sister and possibly even what we have. Fear is a disease that no one is immune to.”

Lil had no idea what to say. She sat quietly absorbing her sister’s words.

Abby said, “Jake is no better. I used to think he had it all together, but I’ve watched him try to handle this China situation and he is coming undone over it.”

“The China situation?”

Abby hesitated then said, “I probably shouldn’t even talk to you about it, but the server Dominic was supposed to put online next month has been hacked and corrupted. We could lose everything if the deal goes south. That’s one reason we want to have the wedding early – we don’t know what life will be like a month from now.”