“Sure but you scared the living daylights out o’ me, lass.

“Tis a fool thing you did.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t think. I .. .”

“I’ll not be havin’ my wife doin’ such things. You may as well make up your mind to it now, my lovely.”

“Patrick…” His kiss silenced her. It wasn’t until he released her and she turned to meet Gavin’s gaze that she knew what a devastating kiss it had been.

Chapter Twenty-Six

“Stubs? May I talk to you?” He set the horse’s hoof down and peered up at Rachel from beneath the wide brim of his hat.

“What’s on your mind, Miss Harris?” She glanced over her shoulder toward the house, then closed the barn door. As she walked toward the grizzled cowhand, he leaned against the stall gate and pushed his battered hat back on his head. She stopped, made all the more nervous by the way he was watching her, as if he already knew why she was there.

“Stubs, I.. . I’m not quite sure how to start,” she said when she reached the stall.

“Beginnin’s always a good place.”

“Yes.” She inhaled deeply, then let the air out slowly.

“I… I want to ask you about Gavin.” An eyebrow lifted.

“What about him?”

This was harder than she’d thought it would be.

“I … I’m not sure. Dru told me to ask you. She told me to have you tell me everything about Gavin, about the things she never knew.” Now he was frowning.

“What for?”

“I don’t know. It… just seemed important to her.” Stubs pulled open the gate and stepped out of the stall, then turned and slipped the rope noose over the corner post to fasten the gate closed.

“What about you, Rachel?” he asked as he turned around.

“Is it important to you?” She wished she could say no. Her life would be so much simpler if it wasn’t important, if he wasn’t important.

“Yes,” she answered in a small voice, her gaze dropping to the straw-covered floor. The silence seemed interminable. Rachel didn’t dare look at the cowboy. She was afraid he’d guessed too much already.

“Let’s go up to the bunkhouse. It’s warmer there, an’ we won’t be bothered by anybody. Jess went into town. Probably won’t be back ‘til tomorrow some time.” He took hold of her elbow and steered her out of the barn. A cold wind whipped at her skirts as she walked beside Stubs across the yard, sending a chill up her spine and along her arms. She was afraid to glance toward the house, afraid she would see Gavin watching what she was doing. He would be furious if he knew she was asking his old friend about him, about his past. While she took a seat on the bench near the table in the center of the bunkhouse, Stubs stoked the fire in the pot-bellied stove.

“Coffee?” he asked without turning around.

“No, thank you.”

“Think I’ll have me some.” Rachel twisted her hands in her lap as she waited. Her insides felt as tight as a bowstring. She’d been that way

ever since Patrick released her from his embrace yesterday and she’d looked into Gavin’s eyes. He despised her. Minutes before, he’d been making love to her, and then he’d despised her. Why did it always turn out that way? Stubs turned from the stove, cup in hand.

“I wasn’t more’n fifteen when I went to work for the Blakes back in Ohio. My folks had died, and I didn’t have a place of my own. Guess I wasn’t much better at farmin’ than Timothy Blake was, but I was mighty willin’ to try. Gavin’s pa, Timothy… well, he was one nice fella. Lousy farmer. Never did have two nickels to rub together, didn’t seem like.” He walked across the room and sat down on a bench opposite Rachel.

“Gavin was about three when I first started livin’ there. Cutest little tyke you ever saw.” He shook his head slowly, his eyes looking back through time.

“Lord, what a beauty she was. Her husband worshipped the ground she walked on, an’ that ain’t no exaggeration. Early on, I think she’d tried to make that place into a home, but I never seen it. She hated that farm. Hated being’ poor. Never did a lick of work around the place. Timothy waited on her hand an’ foot. Treated her like she was a queen.”

Stubs pierced her with a sharp gaze.

“You look a bit like her. Don’t suppose Gavin ever told you that. She had blond hair and blue eyes and a figure…. Course, you really don’t look nothin’ like her once a fella gets t’lookin’. Your hair’s lighter and your eyes are different, but for just a moment, I could see. Maybe it’s ‘cause she could turn a man’s head, just like you.”

“But I don’t ..”

“There’s the difference. You don’t seem to know you’re turnin’ men’s heads. Christina knew, and she used it. She wanted to be rich, and she wasn’t ever gonna get there as a farmer’s wife.

“Spect she knew all along just how she was gonna get rich. Didn’t matter to her that she had a husband and a little boy.” Rachel felt a pain in her heart. She wished she could tell him to stop, not to tell her anything more. She had an awful feeling that she hadn’t heard the worst of it.

“I don’t know for sure. Gavin never talked about it later. But I think he found his ma and Mr. Hannah together while his pa was away. Guess there wasn’t any reason for her to sneak around and pretend after that. She left the farm in Mr. Hannah’s company, bold as you please. Just up and walked off and left her husband and son and went to live in that big house in town. I suppose Gavin was about ten, maybe twelve years old at the time. She never saw her boy agin ‘til after his pa died. Why would she? She’d married herself the rich Mr. Hannah. She didn’t have no use for the boy.”

“Poor Gavin,” she whispered.

“Gavin watched his pa drink himself t’death. Place ‘bout fell down around their ears. I took me a job elsewhere ‘cause there wasn’t anythin’ more I could do. I’d moved West by the time Timothy died.” The room was silent for a long time while Rachel imagined what it must have been like for Gavin and his father.

“Christina kinda soured Gavin on women, least as far as formin’ any kind of lastin’ attachment goes. I guess he always figured he’d come home one day an’ find the woman in bed with another man.” She felt herself blushing. Was that what Stubs had meant about Gavin finding his mother together with another man?

“But… but she was a married woman,” she protested, not wanting to believe it.

“Promises didn’t mean nothin’ to Christina Blake. She was beautiful an’ selfish an’ was lookin’ out for herself. She found herself a rich man an’ she was gonna have him. Funny thing was, I doubt she ever loved old Mr. Hannah. I guess if she ever loved anybody besides herself, she loved Timothy. But not enough to stay poor an’ keep livin’ on that farm.” Stubs shook his head.

“Easy to understand why the boy would decide not ever t’marry after havin’ such a ma.”

“But he married Dru.” Stubs smiled.

“That was different. Charlie’d been Gavin’s friend. Closest thing he could ever have for a brother. After he died, it just fell to Gavin to look out for the family.

“Spect that would’ve been good enough if Dru hadn’t got the cancer. When she knew she was dyin’, she asked Gavin t’marry her so her girls would have a pa when she was gone. She didn’t want ‘em to be orphans.”

“But he loved her. I could see it.”

“We all loved her. Couldn’t help but love her. You know that. You loved her too.” Rachel agreed with a nod and a wistful smile.

“But she an’ Gavin didn’t have the kind of marriage most folks think about. She was his friend more than his wife. She wanted Gavin t’learn t’trust his heart. She wanted him to find a woman an’ fall in love an’ have a family, just like her and Charlie. That’s what Dru wanted.” Rachel swallowed a lump in her throat, then whispered, “She told me he wasn’t meant to marry her, that he had a lot to learn about love.”

“I might be a fool,” Stubs said as he leaned forward, his voice low, “but I ‘spect she was hopin’ he’d learn about it from you.”

“Dru wanted us…” She let her voice fade away. Of course. It seemed so clear now. While she and Gavin had been feeling guilty about their feelings, Dru had been trying to throw them together. Suddenly the rest of the pieces began to fall into place as well. Despite her love for Gavin, Rachel had accepted the proposal of a wealthy man. Yesterday, she had gone into Gavin’s arms, returning his kisses with as much fervor as his were given. She would have done even more if they hadn’t been interrupted. Lord only knew how far she might have gone. She put her hands up over her face as shame washed over her. She would have allowed him to do anything, everything. She’d wanted it. And then, when Patrick came, she’d found herself in his arms instead. No wonder Gavin despised her. He’d always feared she would be like his mother, and not just because of the physical resemblance. He was afraid she was spoiled and not cut out for the hard life he’d chosen

here in the back country. He’d been afraid she would leave him for a wealthy man, even if she loved him. Well, she’d done all those things, hadn’t she? She’d proven him right. Except he wasn’t right. She wasn’t spoiled or too pampered for the life he’d chosen. She was willing to work hard. As hard as it took to make the ranch grow and prosper. She didn’t need money and a house in town. And she wasn’t going to marry Patrick O’Donnell. Whether or not she could ever convince Gavin that she loved him, she wasn’t going to marry Patrick.

“Thank you for telling me everything.” She rose from the bench and started toward the door.

“What’re you gonna do now, Rachel?” She didn’t look back at him.

“Try to fix things if I can, Stubs. Try to fix things.”

“Gavin?” He stopped, his hand already on the door. They hadn’t spoken in three days, not since they’d returned from lone Pine Gulch. Of course, he’d heard her voice whenever she spoke to the children, but he hadn’t heard her speak his name. He turned.