“Sorry,” I said, turning to Gil. “What’s up?”

Gil leaned on the fence. “You haven’t been around much since you met your new friend.”

“It has been nice to have someone in my same class—not to mention getting a little girl time in.” I set down the bucket of grain. “Stephanie and I aren’t doing anything tonight, though. What’s everyone doing later?”

Gil sighed. “I don’t think you get it. I miss you.”

I looked up, meeting his gaze. “Wait, are you saying…?” I wasn’t sure I could finish. Not without making a fool of myself.

Instead of answering with words, Gil stepped forward and kissed me, a soft kiss that caused my pulse to skitter. “I like you, Darby,” he said when his lips left mine. “I’ve liked you for a long time. I kept waiting to make my move, thinking I’d say something next time we were alone. But then I waited too long and you stopped hanging out with us. Anyway, think about it. If you just want to be friends, I hope things won’t be awkward between us.”

I finally got past being stunned and really saw Gil for the first time. With his curly, black hair and big brown eyes, he was definitely cute. Then I thought about the way he always checked on me when we were out as a group—how he’d been there to pick me up the night I watched Sherman cheat on me. I’d never thought of any of my brothers’ friends as possible boyfriends, simply because we’d been close for so long. I thought that to them, I was just an annoying girl.

“Do it again,” I whispered.

“What part?” Gil asked.

My heart was pounding so hard I could feel every thump. “The kissing part.”

He grinned, then pulled me into his arms and kissed me again, one kiss after another, until they merged together and made the world spin.

The rest of the guys weren’t sure what to think about Gil and me as a couple. It took them a little while to adjust, but before too long, they all got used to the idea. Steph and Drew started dating, too—though they only lasted a month. Things were tense between them for a couple weeks, but then they got over it. They had to. That’s the curse and blessing of small-town dating.

On warmer days, Gil and I would go to the pond to relax or swim. One day he got out his pocketknife and carved our initials in the tree. He told me he loved me, and I returned the sentiment. About a month later, under the shade of that same tree, Gil and I lost our virginity together. He was thoughtful and careful and checked on me afterward. I’d been a little scared it would change everything. It did in a lot of ways, but not in the way I’d worried. Things between us couldn’t have been better.

Then he graduated high school and our relationship suddenly had an expiration date—he was going to college in California, and we agreed that the long-distance thing would be too hard.

We spent the entire summer together, soaking in every spare minute we could. The night before he left for California, we went to our usual spot near the pond and said our good-byes. I did my best not to cry, but I shed a few tears. Okay, a lot of tears.

When the sun dipped low in the sky, all but disappearing, Gil stood and extended his hand to me. “You ready to go back?”

I shook my head. “I’m going to stay here.”

“I’ve got to go. My parents are waiting.” He bent down and kissed me. The kiss was filled with love and sorrow, an accumulation of an almost yearlong relationship and more than three years of friendship. It left me hollow and full, all at the same time. “Good-bye, Darby. I love you.”

I didn’t bother holding back the tears anymore. “Love you, too.”

I thought it was the end of the world, and for a while, it was.

When Gil came home for Christmas break, he and I spent three blissful weeks together, everything the way it was before he’d left for college. I was sure that we were destined to be together. Waiting until summer wouldn’t be easy, but when he came back for summer vacation, we’d be able to pick up where we left off.

But Gil got a job out in California. Steph and I had talked about going to school in Denver. I’d applied to the Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design and she was planning on going to Metropolitan State. I’d also applied to a school out in California in case Gil and I got serious over the summer. Without him coming home, though, things just fizzled out. It was over. I needed to move on.

So I did.

Then Devin and Anne got married and I saw Gil again. He looked great, asked me to dance, and as we spun around the floor, I felt seventeen all over again. Things with us were always so comfortable. Easy.

Then the whole thing with Ralph and me happened. Everyone loves the story about me slapping him and telling him off; my favorite part of the night happened a couple of minutes after that.

I’d just shoved the money in Ralph’s hand and watched him get into the elevator when I heard someone say, “You have really bad taste in guys.”

I whipped around, ready to let whoever it was have it. Gil was smiling at me. “Yeah, I do,” I said. “I can think of only one exception.”

Gil pointed to himself, a hopeful look on his face.

I shook my head. “No. It was…” I grinned and gave him a playful shove. “Yes, you. Honestly, you’re about the only guy I’ve dated who hasn’t been a total jackhole. Although, for the record, that guy wasn’t my choice. He was a setup. A very bad setup.”

Drew walked up to me and threw his hand in the air. “That. Was. Awesome!”

I gave him his high five. That’s when I noticed all the people looking at me. “Wow, everyone’s still staring. It’s like they’ve never seen a guy get slapped at a wedding before.”

“Oh, there’s the guy with the camcorder,” Drew said, pointing to the videographer. “I’m going to go see if he got it.” He took off across the floor.

I leaned closer to Gil and whispered, “Does Anne look really mad?”

Gil glanced over my shoulder. “I think Devin’s talking her down.”

“Great. She was already annoyed with me, and now all everyone’s going to remember about this night is how I slapped my date.”

“Let’s give them something else to talk about, then.” Gil cupped my chin and brought his mouth down on mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist, parted my lips, and kissed him back. Kissing Gil was just like I remembered it. Amazing.

Gil sighed and placed his forehead against mine. “I wanted to do that since I first got here. I was pretty sad you showed up with a date.”

I gazed into his big brown eyes. “I guess getting rid of him was a good move, then.”

And even though I knew it couldn’t work out—we still lived in different cities—I spent the next few days glued to Gil’s side. Over that time, I wanted to bring up the long-distance thing and ask him if he thought we could figure out a way to still make us work. But I didn’t want to ruin it. Maybe I knew deep down that a relationship like that would be too difficult, and I also knew I’d be crushed if he said he didn’t care enough to try. So I’d held back what I wanted, and simply told him good-bye when it was time for him to go back to California.

About a year later, I got his wedding invitation in the mail. He’d met a beautiful girl and fallen in love.

Part of me had always thought that Gil and I would get back together. Like we were one of those couples who kept being brought together until we got the timing right, just like in those damn romance movies.

I went to his wedding with Drew, Devin, and Anne. If I were a character in one of the movies I used to love watching, I would’ve stood up and announced my feelings for Gil. He would’ve left his modelesque bride at the altar, taken me in his arms, and kissed me. Fade out. Roll credits.

Instead, I sat there in the chapel and watched the only good boyfriend I’d ever had—my first love—marry someone else.

So thanks a lot, Julia Roberts, for making me think love always worked out, even if you made money working on street corners or ran from guys who loved you. And you, too, Molly Ringwald—maybe you had to be a redhead to land the guy you loved. Except Sandra Bullock always got her man, too. In romance movies, everything always works out, because people who are destined to be together always find a way somehow.

And the brainwashing continues…

Time Wasted: I refuse to call my relationship with Gil a waste. We dated nine months in high school, a couple weeks over Christmas break, and three days after Devin’s wedding. I did, however, waste a few years thinking that we’d eventually get back together.

Lessons Learned:

There are a few guys who aren’t complete jerks. But it doesn’t even matter. Because Fate can be such a bitch.

Chapter Twelve

The narrator of my audiobook started right where I’d left off: female FBI agent closing in on the serial killer who preyed on young females living alone.

I stepped onto the treadmill and turned it on. Before long my heart was racing—not only because of the exercise, but also because I was scared for the protagonist. The killer was hiding under the bed, waiting for her to go to sleep.

Don’t go to sleep.

The FBI agent had gotten a tip, but I wasn’t sure she was going to make it in time.

The killer was sliding out, ready to make his move. Planning on killing another girl.

“Hey,” Jake said, stepping in front of the treadmill.

Stumbling over my feet, I gripped the rail to keep from going down, then barely managed to get my footing back. I stopped the treadmill and paused my book. My breaths sawed in and out of my mouth.