Try it out? See what happens? Thoughts swam through my head, too many to focus on at once and not a single solid one to grab hold of. Finally they started separating, the more logical pushing past the oh-holy-crap ones.

“What about my job?” I asked. “My family? My place that I just bought. They’re all here.”

“Baby, I know it’s not ideal, but I have to go.” He brushed his thumb over my knuckles. “The past six months with you have been amazing. I’ll take care of everything until you find a job—I know you love what you do, and I’m sure you can find something similar there. Just think about it.”

I continued to stare, still trying to put it all together. After being hesitant for most of our relationship, I’d finally gone all in—or at least I thought I had. But this was big. Bigger than big. And I was tempted to say, Let’s do it! But I couldn’t stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong. What would I do if I got to New York and he changed his mind? Panic wound up, suffocating me one slow inch at a time. What if he was busy all the time and I was alone without my family and friends?

I took a few days to think about it, unable to sleep or eat much, all my old insecurities flaring up until I was a nervous wreck. I kept thinking that maybe if we’d been together a little longer, I’d be sure. If we’d already tried living together and knew we could make it work. But all the huge changes at once felt like too much.

So in the end, I told him I couldn’t go, trying to hide that my heart was breaking, one tiny shard at a time, until I was sure nothing was left.

Aurora, renamed Briar Rose, stumbled across her true love in the woods. If I tried that method, I’d probably run into a bear and become his lunch. But no, she made me think it was as simple as a lucky encounter, a duet with words you and the guy just knew, and a nice long nap that ended with a magical kiss.

Sleeping Beauty obviously had some poor decision-making skills. I mean, some lady in horns shows up and you go ahead and do whatever she says? Only I can’t really talk now, can I? I knew I was going to get hurt, yet I’d still stretched out my hand and was surprised when I ended up on the floor with a broken heart.

After Porter left, I renewed my vow to NEVER let myself fall in love again.

Time Wasted: Six months with him. A few months wondering if I should’ve moved to New York and tried to make it work. Several nights re-reviewing all my case files.

Lessons Learned:

The good guys always move away and leave me behind.

If something seems too good to be true, it is.

Love never lasts. L STOP TRYING ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Thirty

“Are you mad?” Jake asked when we got to my door.

After eating dinner at Sparrow, we’d driven back in our separate cars. I’d wanted to just go home and be done with today, but he’d insisted on walking me to my door.

I turned to face him. “You like that I’m honest, right?”

Jake’s shoulders sagged. “That means yes.”

“I told you that you didn’t need to make anything up to me, but you insisted we go out. Then you were late. And after you finally showed up, you spent the entire time on the phone. If I wanted to eat dinner by myself, I would’ve stayed home where I’d at least have the TV to keep me company.”

I reached into my purse and ran my hand along the bottom, searching for my keys. “I understand that you need to work sometimes, but don’t call and insist we go out if you need to take care of something else.” Finally, I found my keys and unlocked the door.

Jake followed me in. “I wouldn’t have taken the calls if they weren’t important. It’s like when you have to take calls from your boss. You don’t want to answer, but sometimes you have to anyway.”

“But my calls rarely last more than five minutes.” I kicked off my shoes and sighed. “Whatever. I don’t want to have a big thing about it. I’m just tired and done with today.” I ran a hand through my hair. “This is the crappy relationship stuff that I hate.”

“I guess it’s good thing we’re not in a relationship, then,” he said sarcastically.

“I guess so.”

The muscles along his jaw tensed as he stared at me. He took a deep breath and blew it out. “I’ve got a lot going on right now. I shouldn’t have gone out tonight, but I was worried you’d be upset about last night, and then I ended up making you more upset, which is the complete opposite of what I was going for.”

My eyes burned as I tried to keep the tears from coming. I can’t have a breakdown now. Not in front of him. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you later.”

Jake ran his hand down my arm and slipped his fingers between mine. “Darby, come on. We’re going to have disagreements from time to time.” His phone rang and he swore. He glanced at the display. “It’s the restaurant. I’ve got to take it.”

“I understand. I really do. You’ve got to take that and I’ve got to get to bed early so I can deal with tomorrow.” I opened the door and motioned for him to go.

He kissed me on the cheek as he brushed past. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I closed the door behind him and double-checked my locks.

What a shitty night. Why’d I have to run into Porter the same day Jake and I have our first fight?

Rest was what I needed. I was sure that everything would look better tomorrow morning. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas, and crawled into bed.

But I couldn’t fall asleep.

…

I finished typing up the options for the flooring and e-mailed the information to Patricia. I give her ten minutes to call me and ask me about this, even though I already sent it to her.

The phone on my desk rang. I saw it was from the front desk and hit the speaker button. “What’s up?”

“You have a Mr. Porter Montgomery here to see you,” Kathy said.

My throat went dry. Seeing Porter last night had stirred up issues I thought I was over. All night long I’d replayed my relationship with him, then my sort-of relationship with Jake. Everything was a big, confusing mess. And it looked like it was about to get messier.

“Go ahead and send him back.”

I sat back, trying to act casual even though it felt like a swarm of bees had taken up residence in my stomach.

Porter walked through my open doorway and flashed his million-dollar smile. It brought out the cleft in his chin and lit up his eyes.

“Come on in,” I said, annoyed at the way my voice wavered.

Porter closed the door behind him. He strode up to my desk, his eyes never leaving mine. “You know, when I first got to New York I missed you like crazy. In fact, I was crushed you decided not to move there with me. Before long, though, I was busy, met other people, and stopped thinking about you.”

I thought of the months I’d missed him. Of how I’d reviewed my case studies and entered him in with the rest of my exes, every keystroke breaking my heart a little more. “Wow. I’m so glad you stopped by to tell me that.”

Porter placed his palms on my desk and leaned toward me. “But ever since I saw you last night, you’re all I can think about. The guy you were with, the guy who ignored you all night, tell me he’s not your boyfriend.”

I didn’t know what to say about Jake. Especially after our discussion last night. He’d made it clear we weren’t in a relationship. “We’re sort of…undefined.”

“Let me take you out, then. Surely he can handle a little competition.” Porter’s expression—cocky grin, one eyebrow higher than the other—said he didn’t think he’d have a problem taking out the competition.

Most of Jake’s calls last night had been about opening another Blue in Salt Lake. With him leaving for months, and our whatever-it-was starting to crack, I wasn’t sure what his and my future held. Or if we even had a future. My chest tightened and a lump rose in my throat. I worked to shove those emotions down and looked at Porter, trying to think objectively about the current mess I’d gotten myself into. After all, there’d been a point in my life when I’d thought Porter was “the one.”

The phone on my desk rang, scattering my thoughts. “I’m really busy right now. Patricia’s got me working on this project, and things are crazy.”

Porter came around my desk, grabbed a Post-it and a pen, and wrote down his name and number. “Call me later.” He stuck the Post-it on my computer monitor, bent down and kissed my cheek, then walked out of my office.

I answered the phone—it was Patricia, demanding I go to the contractors to look over the new plans. After I hung up, I stared at Porter’s number, my heart catching at the familiar writing. Then I thought about Jake and our time together, beginning to end, and the pain in my chest deepened.

If Jake weren’t leaving for months, the answer would be easy.

I shut down my computer and stood. Last minute, I turned back and ripped the Post-it off my computer screen.

…

As soon as I got out of the meeting with the contractors, I picked up my phone and called an emergency get-together with Stephanie. Full-on wedding mode or not, I needed my best friend. By the time I arrived at her place, my emotions were coiled so tightly I thought I might explode. Stephanie waved me inside the home she and Anthony shared. “Come on back. I’m just packing a few things for the honeymoon.”

I followed her to her bedroom and watched her consult her bullet-pointed list.

“So what’s up?” she said.

“I ran into Porter last night,” I said.

Steph whipped toward me, eyes wide.