I flung my arm around Stephanie’s shoulder. “I wonder what Jake’s doing. I mean, it’s Saturday night, so I’m sure he’s working, but I wonder…”

“Wonder what?” Steph slurred.

“If he misses me? Isn’t it stupid to miss him so much already? I feel all needy. This is why I don’t drink. I get sloppy and emotional and it’s hard to comp—to compartlize—” Words weren’t coming out right. I tried again. “To keep my feelings in check. Then I start making big mistakes. Like that night I met Allen.”

“Jake wasn’t a mistake, though.”

“I screwed it all up. I can’t even blame Cinderella this time.” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I pushed him too far, he’s leaving, it’s done.” Even with the alcohol dulling my senses, I still felt the sharp pain in my heart.

The bartender brought another round of drinks and I considered them for a moment before waving them off. “I’m going to stop before I do something stupid.”

Steph waved them away as well. “I had fun, celebrated my last single weekend, and now all I want to do is go home to my guy.” She looked at me, a sloppy grin on her face. “Can you get me home to my guy?”

Of course getting her home was easier said than done. Stephanie had this weird fear of taxi drivers. If someone she knew was with her, she was fine. Leave her alone with the driver, and she went into panic mode. I’d ridden past my place just so she wouldn’t have to be alone. As we turned down her street, I called Anthony to come get her.

When she saw him outside her door, she erupted in uncontrollable laughter.

He pulled her out of the taxi and put his arm around her.

She poked at his cheek. “You’re amazing. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” He leaned over to see me, keeping Steph next to him. “You okay getting home alone?”

I knew he was being nice, so I bit back my thanks-for-rubbing-it-in comment. “I’m good.”

“And you can make it into your building? You’re not too—”

“Shh!” Steph glanced at the driver. “He’ll take advantage of her.” She got louder. “Keep your stun gun ready in case of trouble.”

I laughed. She was more wasted than I’d realized. My head still felt fuzzy, but functioning wasn’t a problem. “I’ll be fine. Thanks, Anthony. See you, Steph.”

She giggled and waved. Anthony turned and helped her into their house.

I gave the driver my address and sat back in the seat. Note to self: No more bachelorette parties. They’re just not as fun as they used to be.

A few minutes later, the cab pulled up to my building. Walking in a straight line took some effort, but I was able to make it inside my building and to the elevator. The doors opened with a bing and I stepped inside. My hand hovered over the five button, and then I moved it up and pushed the number twenty. All night I’d felt alone, and I was sick of it. There’s a reason why alcohol’s sometimes referred to as liquid courage.

“Whoa,” I said as the elevator lurched to a stop. I steadied myself, then stepped off the elevator into the empty hall. I got past the first door—only three more to go—then froze.

Oh my gosh, what am I doing? I’m going to show up drunk and desperate just so I don’t feel lonely tonight? That’s seriously pathetic.

I hurried back the way I’d come, the wall getting closer with each step. Stumbling, I made it back to the elevator. Pushing the button over and over, I prayed Jake wouldn’t be coming up or leaving or anything that would force me to see him. Liquid courage was the wrong word. It gave you courage to do what you usually had common sense not to.

The doors opened and I lunged inside. For the first time tonight, I felt lucky to be alone. I punched my floor and almost tipped over when the elevator started its descent.

Tomorrow, I’d go out with Porter. Then my life could finally get back to normal. Or what constituted as normal for an anti-love, I-don’t-need-anyone-but-myself person like me.

Chapter Thirty-three

The black wrap dress caught my eye as I scanned my closet for what to wear on my date. Going out with Porter seemed like a much better idea than starting over with someone completely new. He already knew about my stance on love, I cared about him, and he’d stuck up for me before. With him back in town, I figured he’d be someone I could spend time with when Steph was busy. In fact, I was starting to think his coming into town at the same time everything else started going wrong with Jake was a fortuitous coincidence.

My phone rang. I picked it off my nightstand and glanced at the display. Drew.

I bet he and Lisa broke up and he wants to come trolling for women. Maybe I won’t have to live alone forever.

“What’s up?” I said.

“I was thinking that tomorrow morning you and Jake might want to come get a late breakfast with Lisa and me.”

“Yeah, about that… You see, Jake and I… We’re not—”

“Don’t tell me you broke up with the only decent guy you’ve dated in years,” Drew said.

“Let’s just say, I hope you’re making enough money to find us a nice place to retire in.”

“Oh sure. I’m rolling in the dough.” Drew sighed. “So, what did you find wrong this time? Not stuck up enough? He got along with us?”

“Well, that did concern me,” I said, attempting a joke.

Silence.

I clenched my jaw, the ache I was trying to pretend didn’t exist squeezing at my heart. “Nothing, okay. He’s going to start up a restaurant in another city and be gone all the time, and I ran into Porter and—”

“I swear if you go out with that prick again, I’m disowning you. Then when it doesn’t work out—because we both know it’s not gonna—you’re going to live alone, because I’m not moving in with someone who doesn’t have any common sense.”

“You know what, Drew? I don’t need anyone to tell me that I’m not good at relationships. Especially not someone like you.” Fuming, I hit the disconnect button and threw my phone on my bed. “Argh!”

Who does he think he is, telling me who I can and can’t date?

I took a few deep breaths to try to calm myself. Just forget about him. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“I’m not moving in with you if you don’t have any common sense,” I said, mimicking Drew’s words. “Yeah, well, I don’t want to live with you, either. In fact, living alone forever suddenly doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.”

…

Porter took me to Palace Arms at the Brown Palace Hotel, the same placed he’d taken me on our first date. The first time he’d brought me there, I didn’t even know what some of the things on the menu were. No matter how many times he insisted the foie gras was amazing, I didn’t even like liver, much less duck liver.

While we ate, he told me all about his time in New York, how much his company had grown while he was there, and how he’d sold his shares so he could pursue other interests. I just sat there, soaking it all in. Feeling a strange sense of déjà vu.

After he’d finished his meal, he dropped his fork and looked at me. “I’m sorry. I’m so excited to see you that I’ve been going on and on, and you’ve hardly said a word. How’s work going?”

“I’m busy doing this commercial job for Patricia.”

“I know you get frustrated with those,” Porter said.

It was nice to skip all the stupid getting-to-know-you crap. “I’m totally frustrated. I’m passing up jobs I’d love to do because of it. Jake thinks…” My stomach dropped, and it took me a moment to recover. “Uh, I’ve been toying with the idea of going into business for myself.”

Porter steepled his hands and brought them under his chin. “It’s a bit of a risky economy right now, and Metamorphosis carries a big name.”

“I know. It’s just that Nadine and I pull in most of the clients and I hate working on jobs I dislike while Patricia treats me like I’m an idiot.”

“You’re very good at your job, and Patricia gets that. Starting a new business is hard work, but I know you’ll do whatever you put your mind to. If you need help with anything, all you have to do is let me know.”

The offer to help—and the vote of confidence—was nice, but a good way for things to get messy, since I still wasn’t sure jumping right into a relationship with him was a good idea. The fact of the matter was, I was trying to force myself to move on from Jake. I missed his voice. His cologne. Missed his sense of humor.

And I should really stop thinking about him.

I took a sip of my water. “I don’t think I’m going to do it. It’d be nice, though.”

Porter leaned forward and placed his hand on my knee. “Being here with you reminds me of all the good times we had together. I’m glad you called.”

“I bet your mother will be horrified to know you’re spending time with me again.”

“Not like your family is any better.”

Since I’d argued about it with Drew earlier, I could hardly insist he was wrong. “I just don’t know… I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

He gave a couple slow nods. “So we’re back to the place where you don’t trust me.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I know you, and that helps. But we’ve been apart for a while. Things have changed since then.”

“But not your opinion that relationships don’t last.”

“Not really.” I twisted the stem of my glass in my fingers. “You only helped prove it when you left. Not that I don’t understand. You did what you had to do for your career.”

Porter put his hand over the glass, stopping its motion and causing me to look up at him. “But I asked you to come with me.”