heart to anyone else. That she was hopeful their shared imperfections, once acknowledged and explored, could be ameliorated in order to

provide both of them with a healthy, happy life.

She pulled away first. She could hear his quickened breathing,

and it cheered her that they still had this spark between them.

“I don’t expect our relationship to be perfect. But there are some things we need to work out and whether that takes a therapist or not, I know it’s going to take time.”

He met her gaze. “I agree. I want to be able to court you as I

was unable to back in Toronto. I want to hold your hand as we walk down the street. I’d like to take you to the symphony and kiss you on your front steps.”

Julia laughed. “We were lovers, Gabriel. You have photographs

of the two of us in bed together, just over there. Would you really be satisfied with simply courting me?”

He wove their fingers together. “I want the chance to make things

up to you — to treat you the way I should have treated you all along.”

“You were always very generous in bed,” she deflected.

“But selfish in other ways. Which is why I won’t make love to

you until I regain your trust.”

353

Chapter 47

“C ome again?”

At least, that’s what Julia wanted to say, but given the context

she held her tongue. Somehow, her remark didn’t quite seem conso-

nant with his declaration.

“I’m worried that if we have sex, it will short circuit the kind of changes we need to make.”

“So you want to wait?”

He gave her a scorching look. “No, Julianne, I don’t want to wait. I want to make love to you now and for the rest of the week. I know we should wait.”

Her eyes widened as she realized that he was serious.

He kissed her tenderly. “If we’re going to be partners, there has

to be trust. If you don’t trust me with your mind, how can you trust me with your body?”

“I think you said that once before.”

“We’ve come full circle.” He cleared his throat. “And so there isn’t a misunderstanding, when I say trust, I mean completely. I’m hopeful that in time your anger will disappear and you’ll forgive me. I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to work out our need to protect one another, without causing another crisis.” He looked over at her expectantly.

“I should have waited until you were no longer my student before

we became involved. I told myself that because we weren’t sleeping together, we weren’t breaking any rules. But I was wrong. And you’re the one who had to pay the price.” He searched her eyes. “You don’t believe me.”

“Oh, no. I believe you. But the Professor Emerson I knew and

loved wasn’t exactly a proponent of abstinence.”

Gabriel’s Rapture

He frowned. “Perhaps you’re forgetting how our relationship

began. We abstained the night we met and a good many nights

afterward.”

She kissed his mouth repentantly. “Of course. I’m sorry.”

He rolled onto his side, looking into her eyes. “I’m absolutely

aching to feel you in my arms, to be joined with you, body and soul.

But when I’m inside you, I want you to know that I will never leave you. That you are mine and I am yours, forever.” His voice grew

rough. “That we’re married.”

“Come again?”

“I want to marry you. When I make love to you again, I want

to be your husband.”

When she gaped at him, he continued quickly. “Richard showed

me the kind of man I want to become — a man who spends the rest

of his life loving one woman. I want to make vows to you before

God and stand in front of our families and make promises to you.”

“Gabriel, I can’t even contemplate marrying you. I need to learn

how to be with you again. And frankly, I’m still angry.”

“I understand that, and my intention is not to rush you. Do you

remember the first time we made love?”

She felt her cheeks flame. “Yes.”

“What do you remember?”

She paused, a faraway look in her eyes. “You were very intense,

but kind. You planned everything, even down to that ridiculous

cranberry juice.

“I remember that you were arched over me, looking into my

eyes while you moved, and you said that you loved me. I’ll never

forget those moments for as long as I live.” She hid her face against his soap-scented neck.

“Are you shy now?” he asked, tracing the symmetry of her jaw

with a single finger.

“A little.”

“Why? You’ve seen me naked. I’ve worshipped every beautiful

inch of you.”

“I miss the connection we had. I haven’t felt whole without it.”

“I haven’t either. But do you think you could make love to me

when you don’t trust me? You forget, my love, that I know you. You 355

Sylvain Reynard

are not the type of woman to place your body where your heart will not go.

“Do you remember our last time together? You told me that you

felt like I’d fucked you. The next time I have you naked in my bed, I want you to know without doubt that our union is born of love

and not lust.”

“That goal can be realized without getting married,” she huffed.

“Perhaps. But if you don’t think you can ever trust me enough

to marry me, maybe you should let me go.”

Julia’s eyes widened. “Is that an ultimatum?”

“No. But I want to prove myself to you, and you need time to heal.”

He examined her expression carefully. “I need something permanent.”

She gaped at him. “You want something permanent or you need something permanent?”

He shifted his weight on the bed. “Both. I want you to be my

wife, but I also want to be the kind of man I should have been before.”

“Gabriel, you are always trying to win me. When are you going

to stop?”

“Never.”

She threw up her hands in frustration. “Withholding sex so I’ll

marry you is manipulative.”

Gabriel’s expression brightened considerably. “I’m not with-

holding sex. If you were declaring that you weren’t ready to sleep with me and I tried to pressure you, I’d be a manipulative jackass.

Shouldn’t I be allowed to wait to have sex until our relationship is repaired, and to have that choice respected? Or does ‘no means no’

only apply to women?”

“I wouldn’t pressure you if you had an objection to having sex,”

Julia sputtered. “You were more than patient with me when I wasn’t ready to sleep with you. But what about make-up sex? Isn’t that

customary?”

He brought his face very close to hers. “Make-up sex?” The heat

of his gaze almost scorched her skin. “Is that what you want?” his voice rasped.

Welcome back, Professor Emerson.

“Um — yes?”

356

Gabriel’s Rapture

He took a single finger and traced her trembling lower lip. “Tell me,” he prompted.

She blinked a few times, if only to break the magnetic pull his

dark blue eyes had on her. He’d rendered her speechless.

“I want nothing more than to spend days and nights devoted

to your pleasure, exploring your body, worshipping you. And I will.

On our honeymoon you will find me the most attentive, inventive

lover. All my arts will be at your service, and I will endeavor to undo all wrongs when I take you to my bed, as my wife.”

Julia placed her head just over the place where his tattoo lay hidden underneath his crisp white shirt. “How can you be so — cold?”

Gabriel rolled her so she was wholly in his arms and on top of

his chest, their upper bodies pressed together.

He kissed her gently at first, soft skin gliding over softer skin

before he pulled her lower lip between his, drawing on it slightly.

Then as his embrace became more heated, his hand clasped around

her neck, stroking up and down until he felt her relax.

The barest tip of his tongue moved forward to tease her upper lip, the act of a gentleman who was unsure how he would be received. He needn’t have worried. Julia welcomed him, and he began to explore

her mouth with purpose, catching her almost unawares before pull-

ing back without warning.

“Does that seem cold to you?” His warm breath blew across her

cheek, a hungry look in his eyes. “Does that feel as if I don’t want you?”

She would have shaken her head if she could have found it.

Gabriel moved his lips against her jaw, her chin, and painstak-

ingly slowly down the left side of her neck until he was kissing the hollow at the base of her throat.

“And this? Does this seem cold to you?” His mouth moved against

the surface of her skin.

“N-No.” She shivered.

He traced his nose up to her ear where he began to nibble, in

between whispered adorations.

“How about this?” His right hand slowly descended her side,

tracing each rib as if it were precious or perhaps as if he were searching for the primordial one Adam had lost. He shifted her slightly so 357

Sylvain Reynard

her thigh slid over his hip, coming into contact with the undeniable evidence of his ardor.

“Can you deny this?”

“No.”

Gabriel gazed at her heatedly. “Now that we’re clear on that point, I’m interested to hear your response.”