L. Miller - Gilded Wings

He set me down onto my feet. I turned on my heels and started to walk, quite unevenly I might add. I had only taken a few steps when I heard footsteps pacing behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see that Connor was following me.

“What are you doing?” I exclaimed.

“Making sure you get home safely. I can’t have you walking by yourself in central London, it’s not safe”.

“Honestly I will be fine, I am walking to the end of Piccadilly and will pick up a cab from there.”

“Let me drive you home?”

I sniggered. Not the most attractive sound to make in this instance, but it was automatic to his ridiculous proposal.

“Surely if you are worried about my safety and well being then it would be very irresponsible of me to get into a car with a strange man and let him drive me home, alone”.

“Good point Evie, I’ll just in the cab with you then we will have a chaperone”.

My mouth dropped open. He couldn’t be serious, could he?

“Can you take me to Oakfield Drive, Chelsea please?”

“No problem Ma’am, jump on in”

“Look Connor, it was very kind of to walk me here but you really don’t have to escort me home, see you around.”

He stood in front of the open back door to the cab not allowing me to get inside, “I thought we had already established that I will be talking you home and this lovely gentleman will be our chaperone”.

He climbed into the cab and put out his hand for me to take. I don’t know what possessed me to do so but I slipped my hand into his and climbed in.

“Well that was hardly gentlemanly; shouldn’t you let the woman get in first?”

“For one I was not giving you the chance of getting in before me to drive off. Secondly” he lowered his voice to an almost whisper “I don’t think my heart could take the strain of you bending over in front of me in that dress.” My mouth dropped open, I was completely silenced. Not letting go of my hand we began our journey back to my home.

My mind was wandering. Trying to piece together the evening’s events and pin point the moment which was the catalyst for me ending up in the back of a black cab, hand in hand with Connor Ryan.

“You’re quiet.” His eyes were looking at me intently awaiting an answer.

“Just a long night I suppose, I’m not a great drinker.”

His mouth widened showcasing his bright white, orthopaedics dream smile. A flutter of emotions stirred in my stomach. My body confirming the lustful reaction I felt towards him.

His fingers began to entwine with mine. With his free hand he played with my engagement ring, frowning at each movement it made under his touch. He seemed deep in thought, contemplating the gravity of what this ring symbolised to me.

“Thank you for the drive sir, how much will that be?” Connor called over to the driver.

“Twenty six pounds Sir.”

He pulled out his black leather wallet and handed thirty pounds over to the cab driver, “keep the change sir, the drive has been worth every penny.”

I stood there, my mouth ajar, again, at what had just happened. Connor looked over and winked.

“Thank you for escorting me home Connor, it was very kind of you. Will you be ok getting home?”

“Not a problem Evie, and yes I will be fine getting home.”

“Where are you going?” I found myself asking, not wanting our chance meeting to end.

“Clapham Common”

“Why didn’t you stay in the cab?”

“I’m gonna walk, think I need some time to think before I am hounded by Travie and the band.”

I giggled, “You can crash in the spare bedroom if you want?” I was reacting on impulse nothing less. What the hell was wrong with me? My head tried to reason but I would not listen, something about him being here with me just felt right. All common sense quarantined behind closed doors pushed to the back of my mind.

“Will your fiancé not mind?” He asked.

“He is away on business, again, so no he won’t mind.”

Not pressing me on my comment he simply said “That would be great”.

I pushed the key into the lock and turned it. I pushed the door open and threw down my keys onto the side table, kicking off my heels. Ahh, that felt amazing.

“I’ll show you up.”

I walked cautiously up our staircase acutely aware that Connor was walking behind me. I tried to walk as seamlessly as possible without overtly looking like I was wiggling my ass and giving him the green light. When we reached the top of the staircase I walked to the spare bedroom and opened the door. One of the five ‘spare’ bedrooms. Out of them all this was the most comfortable, with its own en-suite. It was also the one furthest away from my bedroom. As I had already been acting on impulse this evening, the more distance my body could have away from Connor’s the better.

“Let me know if you need anything”, I smiled and turned to walk out of the room.

“Good night Evie”, he called as I pulled the door to.

* * *

I was woken by the sound of my own screams. Sweat was pouring from every crevice of my body. My eyes were swollen and I couldn’t stop the tears from spilling onto my pillow case. My heart raced. Panic erupted. I looked around the room trying to focus. As I realised my whereabouts I began to calm enough to realise it had been a dream, a bad dream. They used to be a Nightly ritual until I met Henry. The last time I had one was four weeks ago. It was the last time Henry hit me.

Within an instant my door swung open, Connor came rushing over, scooping me up into a hug. His tender fingers repetitively stroking my face gently. I sat encaged in the arms of Connor sobbing endlessly. My head pressed against his bare chest. Tears spilling uncontrollably.

“Sssshh… sssshh, it’s okay. What’s wrong Evie, what happened?”

I could tell he was genuinely scared. I couldn’t talk. My speech impaired by the quiver of my lips. My body tremouring into submission. My words lost to the shock of my dream.

Connor engulfed me further in to his arms, caressing my back with his thick fingers. The sensation was surreal. My body started to unwind under his touch. My breathing began to regulate under his sweet embrace. My body melted into his arms.

“Talk to me sweetheart.” The way he used that term of endearment so naturally made the hairs on the nape of my neck stand to attention.

“I just had a bad dream”.

“Must have been one hell of a bad dream, you scared the shit outta me,”

I nodded in agreement.

Connor walked out of my room and I was left feeling deflated. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to close my eyes and see him again, tormenting me with his vulgar smile.

“Hey you okay?” he said as he walked over to me. With one single movement he had scooped me up into his strong bare arms and carried me to my bathroom. Steam was rising from the hot bubble bath.

“I thought you may want a bath? I heard lavender is calming, so I poured some of it into the water. Thought it might be what you need.”

“Thank you.” This was the first time in years I had felt special or taken care of. Without thinking I dropped my silk night dress to the floor. Stepping out of it and straight into the bath. The water was sublime, encasing my body into the milky warmth of my surroundings. Sweet lavender scented the air bringing my mind back in to peace.

“I should um go. Shit sorry. I didn’t do this to see you, you know, naked”. He turned his back to me and started to walk out of the bathroom. Wow. Under the glow of full light, Connor looked physically sensational standing just in his black boxer shorts. His back was tightly toned. I wondered what it would feel like to trace my fingers over every inch of his body.

“It’s ok, I know you didn’t. I should have thought too. Would you mind sitting with me though? I could do with the company. I don’t want to be alone.”

He pulled a towel from the rail and placed it on the honey gold oak flooring. He slouched down resting his back against the white tiled wall with his knees bent and arms resting on top of them.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I hesitated. Did I want to talk about it?

“Every now and then, I see his face, I just have flash backs. Not often, but they catch me off guard. I am sorry I scared you, I didn’t mean to scream the house down.”

“Don’t ever apologies Evie. You said you see his face, who is he?” The tone of Connors voice was bitter. I could pin point the moment each muscle in his body clenched. The white of his knuckles pressing through his tightly bound skin. His eyes darkening with apparent protection for me.

“Is it ok if we don’t talk about this? It’s history and I really don’t want to drag it up.”

I could see he wanted to ask more. He didn’t press me though. Anger in his eyes, but he respected my wishes. I was touched by his interest in asking what my dream had been about. It was heart warming to see his reaction to my misfortune. I had told no one the details of that day, not even Henry. And I wanted to keep it that way. Henry never pried, when I had woken up in a similar way previously he accepted my explanation of it being a bad dream. He never asked any further so I never told him. I didn’t lie, it had just been a bad dream, a horrifically bad dream. I just never elaborated. As his violence was the trigger I didn’t want him having anymore of a hold over me. My memories were just that, memories, not his hold over my life.

I tilted my head back dropping all of my hair into the water. Losing my eyes and feeling the water glide over me. As I lifted back up I saw Connor’s eyes watching me. He was sat right next to the bath. Just inches from me; completely naked. I checked the positioning of the bubbles. Relived to have confirmation I was covered by them. He silently reached over and lifted the shampoo bottle from the side. He tipped it allowing the creamy liquid to pool into his huge palm.