Jessica Lemmon - Hard to Handle

Things were coming together. Life really did go on. And while he’d never forget his mother, he didn’t want to live in the shadow of losing her for the rest of his life, either.

Neither did Dad. He could see that now.

Aiden straddled Sheila and scrolled through his phone for the number for the Chinese place near Sadie’s house. He planned on ordering at least six different things and crawling into bed to feed her a bite of everything. Then he could stash the rest in the fridge for a midnight snack, or a three a.m. snack—whenever they woke famished from the workout he had planned tonight.

He couldn’t get enough of that woman. He loved her so much his chest ached with it. He didn’t want to get over her…and he knew after one miserable, failed attempt, he’d never be able to.

He wanted to shout with victory.

Aiden had never felt this way about anyone. Not even his ex-wife. He may not have broken any vows during their short marriage, but he hadn’t known what it meant to be married. Not really. He’d never before wanted to give absolutely everything, strip himself bare—literally and figuratively—for another person.

Sadie made him feel everything at once. Made him feel like he had all he needed, even as he gave her all he had. She also made him want to walk down the aisle sooner than later. Make this thing official so he could start the next part of his life. He didn’t care where he lived—her apartment, a new place they picked out together—as long as he was with her. Aiden didn’t want to go home anymore. To him, she was home.

He pocketed his phone and started his bike. Maybe Chinese in bed wasn’t the best idea. Maybe a better idea was a nice restaurant, candlelight, and a small velvet box.

He sped down the road, trying to remember where, exactly, he could find the closest jeweler. Saturday, Sadie had turned him down. But that was before all they’d shared. Aiden knew Sadie was right for him. Knew it deep in his bones.

He thought back to the shower this morning, where he’d washed her and stroked her and told her he loved her in every way but saying the words. She had to guess where this was going. He wasn’t in this halfway. She had to know that he wanted it all.

After giving himself so completely, there was only one gesture left to make.

He’d get a ring. And he’d ask. Again. But this time, he thought as he spotted the jewelry store, she’d say yes.

He knew it.

*  *  *

Sadie growled and dropped her phone. She’d gotten Aiden’s voice mail three times in a row. Her fretting had turned into frustration.

Soon he’d be in her living room, crowding her, turning her on…and she would melt into him, of course she would. How could she not? He was sexy and perfect and turned her into a wanton sex goddess.

And yet she felt utterly buried, smothered by him. It didn’t make any sense.

Maybe she just needed time. An evening, a morning to herself to process. She’d made herself a very big promise last year—to never trust Aiden again, to never show her vulnerability to him again. And boy, had she broken that vow. He’d seen her more vulnerable, more exposed—in more ways than one—than anyone ever had. And now the boundaries she used to trust in were blurred beyond recognition.

Sadie tried to heed Crickitt’s sage advice to stop holding the sins of the past against Aiden. She tried to forget the phone call last year, tried to forget how his dismissal of her had torn her heart out. She tried to forget the weeks following, the weeks when she’d ignored his calls before they’d stopped completely. She tried to ignore the terror she still felt at the idea of losing him. He wouldn’t ever cheat on her, or leave her for her sister, but he could wrap his motorcycle around another tree…or go skidding into a field with an exposed water pipe like her father had…

Her hands shook as she pulled her phone out of her purse and dialed his number again. Then she heard it: the low rumble of Aiden’s motorcycle.

And her hands shook harder.

Aiden adjusted the collar of his shirt. He’d made reservations at Triangle after his purchase and had run home to change into a blue button-down shirt and black pants. He hoped to God not to make an ass out of himself in a fancy-pants restaurant, he thought, sweeping a hand through his hair. But he couldn’t very well propose to Sadie in a steak house.

Though they did make love in a tree house…so maybe it was a safe assumption Sadie wasn’t into the five-star scene, either. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so riddled with doubt over the right way to ask her. Then again, yes, he did. Sadie spooked as easily as a wild mare. He didn’t want to blow his chance at spending the rest of his life with her because she didn’t like crème brûlée.

She opened her apartment door and Aiden’s fears evaporated. Seeing her there, dressed in a smart black skirt and pale pink top, her heels as high and impractical as ever, reminded him he had nothing to worry about. He knew her. Knew what she wanted, what she needed, before she even knew it herself.

“Change of plans,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He clasped on to the ring he’d purchased tonight. It wasn’t hard to pick out at all. The moment he saw it, it practically shouted Sadie. “We’ll take your car. You’re dressed perfectly for where we’re going.”

It was then he really looked at her face. The wide, sorrowful eyes, her full lips drawn into a pout. He held out a hand to touch her and she stepped out of his reach. The threshold of her apartment seemed to be a barrier he wasn’t supposed to cross.

“Axle says hi,” he said, his voice thin.

She crossed one arm over her middle and clasped on to her elbow, bracing herself—for what, he had no idea.

Fear and anger mixed in his throat, making his next words a demand rather than a question. “Sadie, what’s going on?”

She shook her head, dropped her arm, and squeezed her cell phone between both hands. “I thought I could do this.”

His vision blurred and he grasped the doorway for support.

“I mean, I don’t think we need to stop seeing each other,” she continued. “Just…you know. Maybe a little less…”

Faint. He was going to fucking faint.

“I appreciate you offering to take me to dinner, Aiden, but—”

“You appreciate it?” he asked, incredulous. “What am I, your coworker?”

She frowned, rolling her shoulders back. “No, of course not. I just think you and I went from zero to a hundred and skipped all the numbers in between. I need a—a break. From you. For a night or two,” she was quick to clarify.

Like that was supposed to make him feel better. “A break,” he repeated, his chest constricting.

How many times had he done this with Harmony? The start, the stall, the start, the stall. She’d ease off, come back, and he’d accommodated her each and every time. Marriage took work. Marriage took trying. And he got that, he did.

But just how much of the “trying” was supposed to come from him?

“I don’t want to stop seeing you,” Sadie continued, hell-bent on making her point. “If we could…slow down…”

“Slow down.” He was numb. From the hand that clutched the ring in his pocket to the legs somehow holding him up. “How is that even possible?”

“We don’t have to stop having sex,” she added as a caveat.

Okay, he wasn’t going to faint; he was going to puke. “You think that’s what I want? To have sex with you a couple times a week?”

She nodded, clutching her phone, and looking so hopeful it made Aiden’s stomach toss. “I want that. Don’t you?”

He bit the inside of his lip and leaned against her doorway frowning down at the welcome mat.

Welcome, my ass.

“No, Sadie,” he said, lifting his head to meet her eye. “I don’t. I want more, not less. I want every day, not every other. I want marriage, not dating. I want it all. I want you. In every way.”

She blanched. She looked as sick as he’d felt when she’d told him she wanted to back off. Only he had suggested the opposite. And her reaction was telling.

A smile—the same fake smile she’d given to Garrett at the wedding reception a few months ago—curved her mouth but failed to reach her eyes. “Aiden, we’ll get there—we’ll get—”

“I love you.” Where was her smile now? Sure as hell not on her face.

She blinked at him.

“I said I love you, Sadie.”

“I know.”

He laughed, but the sound was hollow. Empty. “And you don’t love me.”

“I didn’t say that.”

He pushed off the doorway, the ring in his pocket a leaden weight dragging down his soul. “You didn’t have to.”

He stalked to Sheila as the rain started. And when he climbed on his bike, he felt the same kind of echoing anger he had the night he’d wrecked on I-75.

Like that night a few years back, Aiden gave himself to the road, and the piercing raindrops on his face. Anything was better than feeling betrayal…this time from Sadie, who couldn’t have hurt him more if she’d stabbed him in the heart with one of her four-inch heels.

*  *  *

Aiden paced the width of Shane’s office while his cousin finished his phone call.

Aiden had sweet-talked his way past Keena, Shane’s secretary, at the front door, and Shane had waved him in while he wrapped up with whoever he was talking to now.

Shane ended the call and stood from his desk. “To what do I owe the honor?” He held out a hand and Aiden embraced it, bringing it in for a half hug. “Haven’t seen you in a while…”

“Since I asked Sadie to marry me at your party?”