Jessica Sankiewicz - If Only We

She narrows her eyes. “What kind of sign?”

I let out a sigh. “A sign that nursing was not the career for me.”

She closes her eyes. A slight flaring of her nostrils sends a chill up my spine. “Adrienne,” she says slowly, “why did you lie to me?”

“I was afraid of how you would react…”

“And you thought lying to me for two months would be a better idea?”

“No…”

“What have you been doing all summer?”

“Trying to figure out what I want to do…”

“Wait a minute,” she says, holding up her hand. “What about college? What did you sign up for?”

I bite my lip. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Her eyes bulge out. “You’re not going to college?” Her voice is nearly reaching the yelling stage.

“No, I’m taking a semester off.”

She sets the spoon on the counter and throws up her arms. “This is just unbelievable. How could you do this to me?”

Upon hearing those words, something snaps in me. Something very unlike me but before I can stop, it comes out. “To you? What about me?” I yell. “I have spent years having nursing shoved down my throat. I never had a single second to think for myself, much less think of anything else. If I had told you I didn’t want to be a nurse, you would have had this same exact reaction back then. I didn’t want to hear it. I have the right to make my own decisions now. I am an adult.”

She stands there with a hand on her hip. She presses her lips into a firm line. “You certainly aren’t acting like one. Deceiving me and not going to college? What about that is adult?”

“Aunt Faith didn’t go to college and she seems to be doing just fine.” As soon as the words come out, I know they're a mistake. It’s too late anyway. It doesn’t matter what I say or do now, my mom won’t care.

The anger flashes over her face. “I should have known. Where else would you learn to do something so irresponsible? I ought to give her a call and tell her I don’t want her bad influence near you.” She walks over to the phone.

“She didn’t cause any of this. I made the choice myself. And you know what? I'd do it again. Why? Because this is what I want. And you can’t change my mind. That’s what bothers you the most, isn’t it?”

“Young lady, I have had enough of this. I can’t even look at you anymore.” She turns away and points toward the stairs. “Go to your room until dinner is ready.”

“I’m not hungry,” I say, even though my stomach is grumbling. I grab my purse and pull out my keys.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Doesn’t matter where. I just can’t be here right now.” I spin around and rush out of the house. I whip out my phone and quickly text Lyndsay to warn her that the cat is out of the bag in case my mom’s next move is to call her or Faith. I start my car and speed down the road. I drive toward her house but realize when I am almost there that she is working. I head over to Chevy’s instead.

As I walk up the sidewalk, I realize the parallel of this moment to when Chevy showed up on my doorstep. It's weird when things work out like this.

He answers the door with a surprised look on his face. “Hey, what's up?”

“My mom found out and it got ugly.”

His eyes widen. “Uh-oh.”

“Yeah.” I bite my lower lip and look down. “I just needed to get away from there. Can I stay here for a bit?”

“Absolutely,” he says, holding the door open for me. “Have you eaten yet?” I shake my head. “Then you're just in time for dinner.”

He leads me through the living room to the kitchen. His mom is pulling a casserole dish out of the oven. When she sets it down on a placemat, she notices me. “Oh, hi.”

“You remember Adrienne, right, Mom?”

Noreen smiles. “Of course I do. It is nice to see you, dear. Are you staying for dinner? I made chicken noodle casserole and green beans.”

Chevy leans over, whispering, “The green beans are excellent, she puts cheese on top.”

I grin. “That sounds delicious,” I tell her.

She smiles again. “Chevy, set a place for Adrienne, would you? And go tell your brother it’s time to eat.”

As Chevy pulls out the dishes, John comes into the room. When he sees me, he freezes, and so do I. Then he smiles. “I see we have a dinner guest.” I smile back.

A few minutes later we are all gathered in the dining room and eating dinner. John’s demeanor is far different from that day at the car shop. He isn't confrontational or gruff. Although his voice has a slight rough manner about it, he is calmer when he speaks. Noreen seems different too. I look back at how she held herself on graduation day and can tell she is more relaxed. Also, it has been awhile since I have seen Chevy so animated. So…happy.

To think that one hour ago I wanted to cry over messing everything up. Now I want to cry because I put something else back together.

Everybody talks about their day, and Seymour asks me what my plans are for the future. I explain my idea of taking a semester off to work in the real world. I am surprised to see none of them flinch in response. I suppose it's due to my upbringing, but now that I think about it, Chevy’s family isn’t necessarily well-to-do. Who is to say I can’t live off a simple job?

Before I leave, I tell Noreen, “Thank you so much for letting me stay for dinner. It was delicious.”

“I’m just glad you were able to come. I don’t get to see too much of Chevy’s friends. It’s nice to have one of them over here for once instead of him off wandering with them.”

Chevy rolls his eyes. “Roger was just over here yesterday.”

“Yeah, for five minutes.” She looks at me and shakes her head. “Kids.” I chuckle at her motherly humor.

“Okay, time to go,” Chevy says as he gently pulls me toward the door. Just as we are about to reach it, I look back and make eye contact with John. I can sense he wants to tell me something but he can’t with Noreen standing next to him. It would give it all away. It takes everything I have inside not to break down. I give him a smile and nod once to let him know that I know what he wanted to say. What did he want to tell me?

Thank you.

“You know you can’t hide from your mom forever.”

Leave it to Lyndsay to jump to the point. I have managed to avoid speaking to my mom since the blow-up. Once dinner at Chevy’s was over, I went to the coffee shop and stayed there for the rest of the night until close. Instead of going over the argument in my head again and again, I got out my sketchpad and started coming up with new ideas. When I finally got home, it was eleven and I went straight to my room and closed the door. Then this morning, I went straight from my room and out the door to come here.

I make a face at her. “You do realize this happened less than twenty-four hours ago, right?”

“True. I just wanted to make sure you don’t fall into some sort of crazy robot state where you just mindlessly go from place to place to accomplish your career goal.”

“I know. I'm going to need some time because she needs time to cool off. Not just for me, but also for your mom. It's only a matter of time before she gets on that phone and calls her up. If I have learned anything from this, it is that I have done very little this summer to prove I can have a career in something else. That’s why this,” I point to the purse pile, “is my current focus. I made the plan to go today; I am going to follow through no matter what has happened in the meantime. This fight is temporary.” I hope, I add to myself.

She nods. “Okay, I understand.” Picking up one of the purses, she asks, “You want me to tag along? I wouldn’t mind browsing around a cute little crafty gift shop. As long as I won’t be in the way.”

“Actually, I could use the moral support.” There is a slight tightening in my stomach from nerves, even more so than before, with how much is on the line. I don’t want anything to get in the way of fixing these mistakes. I only have a short amount of time to make things right with my mom. I know I shouldn't base my whole future on what happens today.

Somehow, it feels like it does.

* * *

Mary Ann of Hidden Treasures is a bubbly and sweet woman. Upon showing her my purses and wallets, her eyes light up. “These are just adorable! Let me get you a form.” She bolts into the room behind the front counter.

When I first walked in, I had a good feeling about this place. Mary Ann had this enthusiasm about her that you could see in the way she carried herself. She is most likely close to my grandma’s age but she sure is spunky.

Lyndsay gives me a thumbs-up from behind a clothes rack, then ducks away to keep perusing the handmade shirts.

Mary Ann comes back with a paper and pen. “Here you go, dear. Just fill this out and I’ll get the tags started for these.”

I fill out the form. Since it's a commission store, I'll only receive sixty percent of the sale. That is okay though because it's the stepping-stone to greater things. Dozens of people on a daily basis will see my creations. It's only a matter of time before word spreads. Part of me is overjoyed at this prospect. The other part of me believes I should have made more. That other part of me is forgetting that I am broke now. Never mind about that, Adrienne. It won’t be long until you have money again. I quickly cross my fingers under the counter.

Once we finalize all the pricing and other details, she places my work on a shelf of its own. It feels so good to see it on display. Like all of this was worth it.