Tessa Teevan - Inflame

“She’s…she not my daughter. She’s my goddaughter.” Clearing my throat, I struggle to continue as I watch the crew load her in the ambulance. “We were playing catch and the ball went into the yard across the street. She ran out into the road to get it before I could stop her. And then, she was hit.”

“Did she lose consciousness right away?”

As we climb into the back of the ambulance, I tell the paramedic everything that happened after she was hit, but I can’t take my eyes of Lily. She looks so pale, so lifeless lying on the stretcher, and as I watch one of the paramedics wipe away the blood from her nose, I realize what that could mean. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back and beg the Lord that Lily will be okay. That Xavier isn’t going to lose her. And that it didn’t happen on my watch.

Once we pull up to the emergency room, I hop out quickly and follow behind as they wheel her into the hospital. I try to follow, but a nurse stops me in the waiting room before I can go past the doors.

“Sir, you can’t go back there right now. I assure you, she’ll get the best care, but for now I need you to help her by filling out these forms so we can properly treat her.”

My eyes races to meet hers as I sink into a chair and take the clipboard. “You’ll keep me informed on her condition?”

“Are you the father?”

“Yes.” The lie rolls right off my tongue, and I know I should take it back, but I can’t sit out here without knowing what’s going on.

“Then of course. Now please fill out the paperwork and get it back to me as soon as possible.”

Swallowing hard, I nod and begin to fill out everything I can. Having known her all her life, I know most of the answers, but there are some that I need Xavier for. Panicking, I realize I haven’t called him. After setting the clipboard down, I grab my phone and head outside, ready to make the most dreaded phone call of my life.

I’M ABOUT to start pacing the waiting room when Xavier runs in. “Where the fuck is she?” he demands as he grabs my shoulders, looking at me with wild eyes.

Just as I’m about to admit that I don’t have any information, the doors open and we both turn towards them. A doctor consults with the nurse and she points to me. He makes his way over and holds out a hand to me. “Mr. Cruz,” he begins, and I clear my throat.

“This is actually Lily’s father. I’m just her godfather,” I admit, and he doesn’t bat an eye as he turns to Xavier.

“As I was saying, Mr. Cruz, I’m Dr. Simon and I’ve been assigned to your daughter’s case. Upon initial x-ray, we can tell that she has a couple of broken ribs, most likely from the impact of hitting the ground. At this point, what we’re concerned with is traumatic brain injury. We don’t know how hard she hit her head against the pavement, but she does have a small hairline fracture on her skull, with a pretty deep gash, indicating there was some force when she landed. We’re going to take her for a CT scan so we can check for any brain swelling or hemorrhaging. Once we’re done with that, I’ll have a nurse come out and get you so you can see her.”

Xavier closes his eyes and swallows hard before reopening them. “Thanks,” is all he says before he turns around and slides down in one of the chairs.

The doctor gives me a tight smile and then turns and walks away.

When I sit next to Xavier, he leans forward, placing his elbow on his knees. “I can’t lose her, man. She’s all I’ve got.”

Guilt flows through me as I place a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, that’s not going to happen. She’s going to be fine.”

He turns to look at me, and I can see the fear that mirrors my own in his eyes. “You don’t know that, Kale. What if she doesn’t wake up? She’s my whole world. I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s everything to me.”

As I sink back in to my chair, I have no idea what to say. No words of consolation will ever be enough. “I’m so fucking sorry, Z. I should’ve had the gate shut or been watching her better. I’m so fucking sorry.” I can barely choke the words out as the guilt creeps in and wraps around my heart like a vise.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking blame yourself for this. You told me what happened, and it could’ve happened with anyone. It’s not your fault, and don’t make this harder on yourself by feeling like it is.”

I have no idea how he can be rational about it, but I appreciate his words, even if they do little to assuage my guilt. After handing the unfinished paperwork to Xavier, I watch as he loses himself in filling it out, and I’m thankful for the distraction. Once he finishes, he makes his way to the nurses’ station and hands it over.

I don’t know how long we sit in silence, both of us nervously shaking our legs in anticipation of hearing some news, any news, about her condition. Out of nowhere, Dr. Simon approaches and we both quickly jump to our feet, eager to hear the news.

“Mr. Cruz, the results from the CT scan show there is a slight swelling in Lily’s brain.” I hear Xavier’s sharp intake of breath as my heart starts rapidly beating. “That being said, it’s a minor cerebral edema, and we’re treating it with painkillers and corticosteroids. It doesn’t appear to be severe enough to require surgery. She has a concussion, but she is awake and appears to have full function of her motor skills. She’s been asking for you,” he tells Xavier.

“So, she’s going to be okay?” Xavier asks for clarification.

“Well, brain injuries can be tricky, but it appears that Lily’s going to be just fine. She’s going to be sore for a while, and like I said, we want to monitor the swelling, but all in all, she’s a lucky little girl. It could’ve been much worse. Now, if you’ll follow me, I’ll take you back to her.”

“You comin’?” Xavier asks, and I shake my head, not sure I’m ready to see her. To see what I did to her.

“You go ahead. I’m going to call Lucy and tell her what’s going on. Whenever Lily’s ready for more company, I’ll be out here waiting.”

He gives me a perceptive nod then follows the doctor, and I watch as they disappear down the corridor. I head outside, not wanting anyone to hear me freaking the fuck out as I call Lucy to tell her the news. That Lily’s in the hospital and it’s all my fault.

Lucy

I’M SURPRISED when I come home to find the house dark after an exhausting, albeit fun day of wedding shopping with Charlie. I knew Kale was watching Lily today, and I was hopeful she’d still be around when I got home. Glancing at the clock, I realize it’s dinnertime and wonder if they went out to grab something.

As I make my way back to the bedroom, more than ready to change into my stretchy yoga pants, I check my phone and see that I don’t have any messages from him. I shrug it off and enter the bedroom, stopping in my tracks. Next to my side of the bed is the most beautiful white bassinet. As I move closer, I smile when I see a bright green fleece blanket folded up inside. A small stuffed animal rests where the baby will go, and I pick it up to study the Winnie the Pooh, which clearly isn’t new. I guess it’s from Lily, and I grin as I remember her excitement when she found out she was getting a ‘cousin’, even if she did try to play it off like she wanted it to be a girl.

Taking advantage of the quiet, I quickly change my clothes and then prop myself up on the bed to get some grading done. I’m nearly seven months along now and I can rest my papers on my belly for easy access. Even though it’s getting harder to shave my legs, the shelf it creates is actually quite useful. I’m knee-deep in spelling tests when my phone goes off, the special ringtone for Kale playing.

“Hey, baby. Are you out with your other girlfriend?” I tease playfully, but my mood drops when I hear him inhale sharply on the other end of the phone. “Kale? Everything okay?”

“No,” is all I get, and I let the stack of paper slide off my belly as I quickly rise from the bed.

“What? What’s going on? Where are you?” I ask as I start pacing the room.

“The hospital.”

My heart starts racing as every horrible thought runs through my head, but then I try to calm down, knowing that if he’s talking to me, then he’s okay.

“Kale, tell me what’s going on. Please.”

“It’s my fault. I wasn’t paying enough attention, and I didn’t get there in time. Once again, I failed in protecting what’s mine because I was too far away.”

His cryptic answers aren’t making any sense. I slide into my flats and grab my purse and keys, ready to head to the hospital even if he isn’t telling me what happened.

“Kale. Tell me exactly where you are.”

He rattles off the name of the nearest hospital, and I pull out of the drive, desperate to get to him. He’s silent on the other end of the line, and all I can hear is his breathing.

“Baby, are you hurt?”

I hear him sigh deeply, and I wish he’d just answer me.

“No, Lucy. Not me. Lily.”

RACING THROUGH the doors of the emergency room, I scan the room until my eyes rest on Kale. He’s hunched over, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. I cross the room and crouch down in front of him, something that’s not an easy task with my basketball-sized belly. My fingers graze his chin, and I lift slightly so he’ll look at me. His eyes are red-rimmed and fully of worry, but I see the relief in them when it registers that I’m here. He grabs my hands and pulls me up, settling me in his lap sideways as he wraps an arm around my waist, his hands resting on my stomach. I stroke his hair, hoping I can be some sort of comfort for him.

“Kale, can you tell me what happened?” I ask quietly, and he lifts his head up to look at me.