The door opened behind me and the thud of boots against the asphalt grew louder, so I picked up the pace.

“H! Hey, bro, hold up!” Chris called out.

Just what I needed. When his hand came down on my shoulder, I pushed it off and kept going. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“Come on, man. I know you’re upset but you can’t walk all the way home.”

I wheeled around. “I sure as hell can. There’s no way I’m getting in that car with those two.”

“Tee only got in touch with Sarah last week. And it wasn’t to chat. She had some assignment that needed to be handed directly to her adviser, so she called in a favor.”

“What about Cassie and Lisa?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you come back in and you can ask them.”

I shook my head. “I need space.”

Chris didn’t follow me any farther. He knew when to leave me alone. I was too volatile, and it was best for everyone if I had time to cool off. A few minutes later, Nate’s black Mercedes pulled over ahead of me. The passenger-side window whirred as it descended, and he leaned across the seat and opened the door. “Why don’t you let me drive you home.”

He’d drive five miles an hour all the way to Inked Armor if I refused to get in. I dropped into the passenger seat and plugged in the seat belt.

“It’s okay if you’re angry,” he said as he pulled back onto the road.

“We’re not talking about this,” I snapped.

“That’s fine, too.”

I fiddled around with his radio, unable to tolerate the strained silence. All the stations were preset to ’70s rock.

“Can I just say one thing?”

“You’re going to anyway, so you might as well.” I stared out the window. I could see my reflection in the tinted glass every time we passed a streetlamp, and I looked as destroyed as I felt.

“This is only the second time Tenley contacted Cassie since she left. The first time was to let Cassie know she had to leave for a while, and to provide a list of potential employees while she was gone. Both times, she asked about you.”

I didn’t reply. I had nothing to say. So what if she asked about me? Her worry seemed less about how I was doing and more about the remorse she carried around with her. It was like a cinder block tied around her neck.

When we reached Inked Armor, I grabbed on to the door handle, but Nate hit the lock button and held it down. “Hold on.”

I sighed. “I’m not in the mood for this shit.”

“Too bad, because I have something you need to hear. Bad things happen to people, Hayden. All the time. You have firsthand experience with this. It’s not something we can control, but we do choose how to handle it. You need to start dealing with what happened to your parents. It’s not going to go away just because you want it to.

“Cassie is terrified you’re going to self-destruct all over again. When she lost her sister, it was tragic, and watching you almost go down along with Eleanor nearly destroyed her. Don’t put her through that again.”

“You’re seriously pulling a guilt trip on me over this?” I asked, irate.

“You need to get some help. If that’s the only way I can get through to you, then so be it. I won’t see my wife in that much pain again.”

The click of the door’s unlocking was my signal to get out.

He peeled away from the curb, tires squealing. The guilt hit its mark. Of course Cassie suffered after she lost her sister—but I hadn’t taken into account how my actions affected her. She and Nate had taken me in despite the problems I posed. I hadn’t been able to tolerate their care or concern and I’d gotten away as soon as I could.

Nate was right. I was walking a fine line toward imploding again. Not much about me had changed in the last seven years.

Feeding TK was the first order of business when I got home. After she scarfed down the contents of her bowl, I tucked her under my arm and went to Tenley’s apartment. After opening the door, I took off my shoes and placed them on the mat beside Tenley’s ratty, purple Chucks. I did a walk-through, checking all the rooms before I returned to the kitchen.

The fridge was almost empty: a package of processed-cheese slices, condiments, the beer I’d brought over, a pitcher of water, and the lemons I used to keep her fridge smelling fresh were all that remained.

I grabbed a beer and popped it open, then went through the fridge and tossed anything that had gone off. Next, I went to the cupboard under the sink and retrieved a new box of baking soda. Punching the perforated edge, I set it on the bottom shelf and chucked the old one. Then I threw out the lemon half from yesterday and replaced it as well.

Her bathroom was next. Though it was unused, I cleaned it out of habit. The bedroom was always my last stop. Unprepared to go there yet, I went back to the living room. A copy of Tenley’s thesis paper was on the coffee table, which I read whenever I stayed for a while. Tenley was smart, and her paper made me question what the fuck her adviser’s problem was. He had her running in circles for no reason.

All the curtains were pulled shut. I swept them aside, looking down at the Inked Armor sign across the street. Tenley would have been able to see right inside the shop from this vantage point, just as I’d been able to see inside her apartment from the window in my bedroom. God, it felt like a lifetime ago that I’d creeped on her while she was in her kitchen, making a drink. Even then I’d wondered if she was hiding any ink. I’d gotten the answer to that question, but the cost seemed pretty fucking high now.

I dropped the curtain and turned to face the empty living room. I scanned her bookshelves, pausing at the photo albums at the top. The albums became newer as they progressed across the shelf. Everything I was looking for and all the missing pieces would be in there. I tipped one of the spines and pulled it down.

The faded leather binding was well worn; it looked to be as old as Tenley. Inside were faded Polaroids with names and dates written across the bottoms in neat cursive. Tenley’s parents smiled out from the page, oblivious of what would become of them so many years in the future.

Tenley was almost the spitting image of her mother, from the arch in her eyebrows to the pout of her lips. But her gray-green eyes were from her father, along with the impish glint. I followed her parents’ story from college and dating to holidays on the beach and finally their wedding. A couple who’d appeared in many of the college photos stood beside Tenley’s parents as the best man and the maid of honor.

In the second album babies appeared for the maid of honor and the best man, and the carefree faces of youth showed the harder angles of adulthood. Tenley’s mom held those little bundles of poop with the fascinated awe reserved for infants. First there was a dark-haired boy, and a few years later a fair-haired one appeared. The names Trey and Connor were written elegantly at the bottom. Tenley had known the guy she was supposed to marry her entire life. I put the album back and withdrew the next one.

On the first page, Tenley’s mother stood on the back porch of a clapboard house, a pink streak of cloud hovering along the horizon. A small smile played on her lips, and her hand rested low on her stomach, a soft swell barely hidden under her dress.

Then Tenley arrived. The pictures of her as a baby, a toddler, a little girl, were endless. Every so often, the other family would appear in the albums. As the kids aged, it became obvious which one was that dick Trey. He had the same hard look about him, as if the world were a pain in the ass and he couldn’t stand dealing with the people in it. His smiles were forced, his stare disengaged. Connor, the blond one, was his antithesis. His smile was bright and open, his fascination with the world and Tenley clear from an early age.

I pulled the rest of the albums off the shelf and pieced together a more comprehensive picture of Tenley’s life. She grew up in a middle-class family, passing through her teen years with no gawky phase. She clearly spent a lot of time with her family, or at least they captured those moments as often as they could.

Photos showed her with her father sitting in the front seat of a fire truck, his pride and her excitement obvious. In others, Tenley and her mother stood side by side in the kitchen baking cupcakes, or planting flowers in the garden. One even showed Tenley working on homework at the kitchen table, her finger pressed against her lip in fabricated concentration as she flipped off the camera. I had to look for the subversion to catch it. A glimmer of mischief was always present in her eyes. It gave the impression she was waiting for the camera to leave so she could get up to no good.

I leafed through pictures of her graduation from high school and her transition to adulthood. At prom she wore beat-up running shoes and a hideous dress while her date wore a tux. Those photo albums were vinyl instead of leather, covered in band stickers and filled with pictures of Tenley and her friends. Her outfits were grew more outrageous once she hit college. Nothing ever matched. She often paired vintage with frilly. Self-portraits showed her with each addition of steel up the shell of her ear, and in others she was with Connor. So many of her with Connor.

He was broad-shouldered and blond, a pretty boy who played sports and wore polos emblazoned with a Cornell Law School logo. When she was with him, her style changed completely. Apart from her shoes. She was forever wearing ratty sneakers. She was always smiling in those pictures, eyes on the camera as she stood within his protective embrace. His expression bordered on a smirk, coveting a trophy no one else could have.