“Before my marriage my name was Catherine Corder. My father is Mervyn Corder of Glen House, Glen- green, near Harrogate.

Please tell me whether the patient you have here, who bears the same name as myself, is my mother. “

The Superintendent hesitated; then he said: “I can tell you nothing except that we have a patient here of that name. It is not such an unusual name. Surely your father would supply the information you are seeking from me?”

I looked at Simon, who said: ” I should have thought that such a close relation had a right to know.”

” As I said, the relationship would first have to be proved. I do not think I could betray the trust placed in me by my patient’s relations.”

” Tell me,” I cried wildly, ” does her husband come to visit her regularly each month?”

” Many of our patients’ relatives visit them regularly.” He surveyed us coldly and I could see that he was adamant. Simon was exasperated, but he could not move the Superintendent ” Could I see … ?” I began.

But the Superintendent held up his hand in horror.

“Certainly not,” he said sharply.

“That would be quite impossible.”

Simon looked at me helplessly. ” There’s only one thing | to do,” he said. ” You must write to your father.”

” I think you are right in that,” said the Superintendent, rising to imply that he had given us enough of his time. ” Our patient has been placed here by her husband, but if he gives you permission to see her we should raise no objection, providing of course, that she is well enough to receive you when : you come. That is all the help I can give you. ” :

He pulled the bell and the porter reappeared. We were led out. to the waiting trap.

I felt frustrated as we drove away. Simon did not speak until he had put about a mile between us and the institution: :

Then he pulled up. We were in a lane over which the trees would make an arch of green in the summer; now we could see the blue-grey sky between the black branches, and the clouds being chased across it by the keen wind.

I did not feel the wind; nor, I imagine, did Simon.

He turned to me and slid his arm behind me, although not touching me.

” You’re depressed by all this,” he said.

” Do you wonder?”

” It wasn’t altogether illuminating, was it?”

” Illuminating enough. They have a Catherine Corder there. He did tell us that.”

” She may not be connected with you.”

” I think it is too much of a coincidence if she should not be. I haven’t told you, have I, that my father used to disappear at regular intervals. We did not know where he went. I used to think that he went visiting some woman …” I laughed harshly. ” I know now that he went to Worstwhistle.”

“Can you be so sure?”

“Something tells me it is so. Dr. Smith, remember, has seen her records and he has told me that she is my mother.”

Simon was silent for a few seconds and then he said: ” It’s not like you, Catherine, to despair.”

I noticed that he had dropped the Mrs. and I knew intuitively that that was a sign of the change in our relation- I ship. ,” ” Would you not feel like despair if all this were happening to you? “

” The best way to fight something that frightens you is to go right up to it and look it in the face.”

” I am doing that.”

” Well, what is the worst that could happen?”

That another Catherine Carder should be taken to that place. That her child should be born there. “

“We’ll not let it happen. Nobody could do that, could they?”

” Could they not? If the doctor was convinced that it was the best place for me?”

” It’s all such nonsense. I never knew anyone so sane. You’re as sane as I am.”

I turned to him and said vehemently: ” I am, Simon, I am.”

He took my hands and, to my astonishment—for I had not until this moment thought him capable of such a gesture towards me—he kissed them, and I could feel the fervour of those kisses through my gloves.

Then he pressed my hand so tightly that I winced at the pain of his grip.

” I’m with you in this,” he said.

I knew a moment of great happiness. I felt the strength of him flowing into my body, and I was grateful, so grateful that I wondered whether such gratitude must be love.

” Do you mean it?”

” Heart and soul,” he answered. ” Nobody shall take you where you don’t want to go.”

” The way things have been going alarms me, Simon. I’m looking this right in the face, as you said. And I am frightened. I thought I should fight it better by pretending not to be afraid, but pretence isn’t going to help, is it? Ever since I saw the monk the first time, life has changed for me. I’ve been like a different person … a frightened person. I now know that all the time I’ve been wondering what is going to happen next. It has made me nervous … different, Simon, different.”

” Anyone would feel so. There’s nothing strange about that.”

“You don’t believe in ghosts, Simon, do you? If people say they see a ghost, you think they’re lying or that they’ve imagined they saw something.”

” I don’t think that about you.”

” Then you can only think that inside the monk’s robe was a real person.”

” Yes, I think that.”

“Then I must tell you all the truth. Nothing must be held back.” And I told him of the apparition I had seen in the Abbey when Damaris was with me, and how she had declared there had been nothing there. ” I think that was the worst moment of all because then I began to doubt myself.”

” We must assume that Damaris knows what’s going on; she must be a party to the plot. “

” I am sure Luke wants to marry her, but does she want to marry Luke?”

” Perhaps she wants to marry the Revels,” said Simon;

” and she couldn’t do that, could she, unless the place was Luke’s.”

” You’re helping me … you’re helping me a lot.”

” It’s what I want to do more than anything.”

” How can I thank you!”

His arm was round me now ; he drew me to him and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I could feel his cold face pressed against mine for a few seconds and the warmth which enveloped me surprised me.

” It is strange that I should look to you for comfort.”

” Not at all strange. We’re two of a kind.”

” Oh yes, you admire my common sense. You thought it was very clever of me to marry Gabriel … for his possessions.”

” So you remember that.”

” It is not the sort of thing one is likely to forget. I suppose you would not blame whoever it is who wants to drive me mad … if they succeed.”

” I’d wring his neck … if I could find him.”

” Then your attitude has changed.”

” Not in the least. I didn’t admire you for, as I thought, marrying Gabriel for what he could give you. I admired you for your sharp wits and your courage … which I knew were there.”

” I am not being very courageous now.”

” You are going to be.”

” I must be, it seems, if I am to retain your good opinion.”

He was pleased by the lightness which had crept into our conversation; as for myself I was surprised that, with the burden of suspicion that was lying heavily upon me, I could indulge in it; but it did me good that much I knew.

” Yes,” he repeated, ” you are going to be. And I am here to help you.”

” Thank you, Simon.”

He looked at me intently for a few seconds and I read in his looks the knowledge which he wished me to share. He and I were about to embark on a new relationship; it was an exciting one; it would be one of stimulation to us both, of fierce disagreements and splendid accord.

We were two of a kind. He had recognised that, as I did now. I knew what he was telling me, and I wanted to listen so much.

I went on: ” There have been times when I did not know whom I could trust.”

” You will trust me,” he said.

” It sounds like a command.” I smiled. ” It often does when you make a statement.”

” That is a command.”

” And you think you have a right to command me?”

” Yes … in view of … everything, I do.”

I did not want to move from this spot. I felt as though I had found a peaceful place in which to rest and be happy. Behind me lay that grim institution with its dark secrets; ahead of me the Revels and, somewhere not far distant, was my father’s house. But here I was suspended between threats of disaster, and here I wanted to stay.

I believed in that moment that I was in love with Simon Redvers and he with me. It was a strange conclusion to arrive at at such a time in a cold country lane.

It did not seem strange to me that these strong emotions I felt were for Simon Redvers. In some way he reminded me of Gabriel; he was Gabriel without his weakness. When I was with Simon I understood what had made me hurry into that marriage with Gabriel. I had seen something to love and protect there, and that was what I needed; I had loved him in a way, for there are many kinds of love. Pity is love, I thought; the need to protect is love. But there was a deep and passionate love of which I knew nothing; I knew, though, that to love completely one must know every phase of loving, and that was the real adventure, to widen one’s emotions, to discover their depths as the years passed.

But I was a long way from such an adventure. There was so much to be lived through first. I had to be delivered of a child and of my fear.

And at this moment I could not peer very far into the mist which hid the future.

But Simon was with me, and such a thought, even at this time, could set my senses singing.