"Though the connection was not strong," I added.

She clenched her fists. She knew she was beaten. I was too flushed with victory that night.

She turned and said: "You are a schemer. I might have known it with such a mother!"

And with that she went out, which was just as well, for if she had remained, heaven knew what I would have said to her.

How life had changed for me! I had laughed in the past about the importance of the Carringtons and had imagined that Cousin Agatha had admired them so because they were more wealthy than she was and the leaders of a social set into which she wished to climb. It was more than that. Josiah Carrington was not only a banker and financier of great standing in the City, he was also adviser to the government and a power in diplomatic circles. His eldest son Rollo was following in his footsteps close behind and Philip was limping along in the right direction. Lady Emily, the daughter of an earl, was most highly connected and had before her marriage had a place at Court. Cousin William Loring, although comfortably off, was small fry in comparison; it was for this reason that marriage into the family had been considered such an advantage and even the younger son Philip a very ripe and desirable plum.

That I, the outcast, the Poor Relation, should have won the prize was almost comical. Rose told me that belowstairs the staff were "laughing their heads off." They were glad because they had never thought much of Cousin Agatha and they relished this "smack in the eye," as they called it, which Master Philip had administered.

I marveled at the knowledge of those belowstairs; there was little of what went on above that they missed, as I had reason to know. It was amusing to me to have Rose as a go-between.

Philip was a great favorite, Rose told me. He'd always been full of fun and mischief. Mr. Rollo was different. Very cold and aloof he was; and since that mysterious marriage of his had been very touchy, Rose reckoned. Mr. Carrington was a good master. He was always off here and there, always pulling off this and that big deal. And Lady Emily, she was well liked but seemed to be always in a dream. Never knew the housemaid from the parlormaid and the cook swore she didn't know the difference between her and the butler. Nevertheless, she was one of those mistresses who are not ill liked. You'd never find her poring over the household accounts or querying the price of this and that. Carringtons' was a good place to be in.

Philip and I would not be going into it, but we were going to have a house nearby and we would of course use the country mansion when we wanted it as all the family did.

There would be the fun of choosing the house and Philip said we would set about it right away. I had to keep assuring myself I hadn't imagined the whole thing. There was I, who had never been sure of my room, with a house all my own! The news had quickly come out and because Philip was a Carrington we were photographed for the society papers.

I felt as if I were indeed dreaming. There was a big picture of me in the Tatler. "Miss Ellen Kellaway, who is to marry Mr. Philip Carrington. Miss Kellaway lives with her guardians, Mr. and Mrs. Loring of Knightsbridge, and Mr. Carrington is, of course, the second son of Mr. Josiah Carrington."

I had taken on new status. Esmeralda was delighted. She embraced me and said how happy she was, for she could see I was in my element.

"Of course," she said, "it was obvious all the time. He always liked you. You two were always the allies. Philip thought I was silly."

"He always really liked you," I said to comfort her.

"He despises me," she retorted. "Of course I wasn't adventurous like you. You two went so well together. You liked the same things. It's right, I know, Ellen. You'll be ever so happy."

I kissed her. "You are a dear, Esmeralda. Are you sure you don't really love Philip?"

"Quite sure," she answered emphatically. "I was terrified that he would ask me to marry him and I'd have to say yes because that was what Mama wanted. And then it all turned out this way!"

"I don't think your mother is very pleased."

"Well, I am," she said. "Oh, Ellen, I was dreading it."

Cousin Agatha had got over the first shock and was swallowing her disappointment. I wondered whether she was consoling herself that even a Poor Relation's link was better than none.

"Of course," she said, "you will have to have some clothes. We can't have people saying that we kept you short."

I said: "Don't worry, Cousin Agatha. Philip is not concerned in the least with my clothes and perhaps when I'm married he'll buy some for me."

"You talk like an idiot. Don't you realize that from now on you are going to be the cynosure of all eyes? People are going to try to discover what he sees in you." Her nose twitched to imply she could clearly not provide the answer to this conundrum. "You will have to be suitably clad. There will be functions... dinner parties and then of course the bride dress."

"We don't want a lot of ceremony."

"You don't want it. You forget you will be marrying into the Carrington family." Again that twitch of the nose. "It's true, he is only a younger son. But, of course, a Carrington. When you are married you will be required to mix in certain circles. I doubt not you will wish Esmeralda, who has been your companion since childhood, to stay with you now and then."

I felt suddenly powerful. It was a marvelous feeling. I couldn't resist smiling benignly on Cousin Agatha and saying graciously that I hoped Esmeralda would be a frequent guest at my house.

I'm happy, I thought. I'm gloriously happy. Everything has changed. Talk about Cinderella! Fancy Philip's being my fairy godmother! I suppose this is being in love.

"I couldn't have people saying that we had not given you of the best," she went on. "This strange thing has happened and unless Philip changes his mind it seems that you will marry into the family. You will always remember of course your amazing good luck and whence it came. No doubt you will feel gratitude towards those who cared for you and but for whom you would never have been presented with this golden opportunity."

I let her talk on. Happiness had made me more generous, and it seemed a small compensation for her disappointment. Fortunately I was never of a vindictive nature and could quickly forget the slights and indignities of my childhood.

"I'm afraid Tilly will not be capable of coping with what we shall need. She could make a housedress or so perhaps. Lady Emily may wish you to go to her couturiere. You will need a very elegant going-away dress and of course there is the wedding dress. I was speaking to your cousin Mr. Loring about it only a short while ago. He is willing to foot the bills so that you may step into your new life with grace. After all, as I said to him, it will reflect on us, and we have Esmeralda's future to think of."

I was scarcely listening. So many exciting things were happening.

Philip was always calling at the house. We rode together in the Row. I had a new riding habit—a present from Mr. Loring, prodded no doubt by Cousin Agatha because riding in the Row made one very prominent. We were constantly being photographed.

"What a bore," said Philip. "Who wants all this? I just want us to get away together."

He was very happy and it was wonderful to know that he was so much in love with me. He teased me and bantered with me just as he always had; and we were constantly engaged, it seemed, in our verbal battle, which was a delight to us both. I was nineteen, he was nearly twenty-one, and life seemed good to us. I don't think he knew very much more of the world than I did, which was precious little. Sometimes, though, it is better to know little of what the future has in store.

It was pleasant to be welcomed by his family. Lady Emily's vagueness was rather charming and she confided in me once that she was looking forward to the little babies we would have. She liked to talk a great deal in a rambling fashion. There had always been boys in the Carrington family, she told me. She had had Rollo a year after her marriage and then there was a long gap before Philip arrived. Two very different boys they were. "Rollo used to frighten me sometimes, my dear. He was so clever. Philip was not like that."

It was a Carrington tradition to have boys, and in view of Rollo's misfortune in marriage Philip and I were to be the ones to produce the all-important male Carringtons. There was a certain implication that Philip and I should not delay too long before producing the first grandson.

The thought of having a baby thrilled me and there was not a cloud in my sky during those first weeks after the dance. I think I really believed it would go on like that forever.

We went down to the country for a week as the Carringtons wanted to celebrate our engagement among their friends there. I had always been attracted by the house from the first moment I had seen it, but now that I was to be a member of the family and it would occasionally be my home too, I was more than ever excited by it.

Trentham Towers was an old mansion dating back to Tudor times, although a great deal of reconstruction had been done on it during later periods. Built on a hill, it looked imperiously down on the countryside in what I had thought of as a true Carrington manner. But since I had been taken into the family I realized I had maligned them. It was Cousin Agatha who had given me my opinion of them. No family could have welcomed me more warmly, which was really very remarkable considering the circles in which they moved.