Sherry Ficklin - Losing Logan

“Do you think he got to her, this Reaper?”

He hesitates. “Reaper? As in the Grim Reaper?”

Another long pause.

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I mean, he even looks like the Grim Reaper. I guess I always thought it was just nonsense.”

“Like ghosts?”

“Point made. But no, I don’t think he did anything to her. I think she just moved on the way she was supposed to.”

I roll my eyes. “If she got into heaven, I’m going to file a formal complaint.”

He chuckles. I sit up slowly, letting my bitterness cover the pain like a balm, numbing everything inside me.

“She was our best lead, Logan. What are we supposed to do now?”

He shakes his head. “When I went back to The Tower, I sort of remembered something else.”

“What?”

“I remember driving up to The Tower that night. I just wanted to be alone. Only her car was in the parking lot. I parked, opened my door, and that’s when I heard it.”

“What?”

“A struggle. I heard her screaming. I started the engine back up and drove through the trees into the clearing beside The Tower. I remember seeing her in my headlights. She was…”

“What damn it?”

“Naked. She was naked.”

“Holy shit dude.”

“I remember thinking, what is going on? Like, I thought she was running from someone. But it wasn’t fear on her face, it was surprise. She wasn’t alone. She was…”

I hold up my hand. “Ok, no details please. I’d like very much not to throw up tonight, thank you.”

“You get the idea.”

“Wait, so you saw the guy? The mystery guy?”

“Yeah, but the thing is, I can’t remember his face.”

“You think he killed you.”

“Well someone did, and I doubt it was Kaylee.”

“And then, he killed her too.”

He nods again. His face is ashen, his cheeks hollow. His eyes are rimmed in red. I reach out, not thinking, and take his hand. He feels solid under my fingers.

I sigh when the feeling of his skin finally fades away.

“It’s getting longer each time I touch you. I can feel you longer.”

He half smiles, running a finger lightly over the top of my hand. I can feel it, like someone is rubbing an ice cube on my skin.

“What do you think it means?”

He sighs heavily. “I don’t know. But I feel like, we have to figure out what happened to me, and soon. I don’t want that Reaper anywhere near you.”

I frown, “I don’t think he’s here for me, Logan.”

“No, but if he comes for me and you get caught in the crossfire…” His voice drops to a whisper. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you, Zoe.”

My breath hitches in my throat.

“Probably have to find a new girl to stalk,” I say, trying to break the tension. But he looks up, his eyes melting into mine. He scoots forward, our faces only inches apart. Reaching up he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, tracing his fingertips along the curve of my jaw. My heart launches into an uneven gallop because I can feel him. The pads of his fingers and the warmth of his breath are real. Or maybe I just want to feel him so desperately that my mind is playing tricks. I don’t know. Don’t care.

I just don’t want it to end.

“Zoe,” he whispers my name softly, like a plea or a prayer. His voice is thick with longing and it rolls along my skin like the breaking tide.

I can’t breathe, can’t move. It’s like the world is dying and being born all around me over and over. I should say something, do something, but I’m on fire, combusting from the inside out.

He presses his lips to mine and I’m undone. All thought and reason and logic are burned away in a ball of fire. I close my eyes, letting the world around us melt away. My body aches and throbs and all I can smell is Logan, cool and fresh like spring water, all I can feel is his mouth moving on mine, desperate and passionate. I run my hands up the back of his neck, weaving my fingers through his hair. He pulls me against him and the ache inside me grows, painful and raw. I’m burning like a star, I can feel the heat inside me, almost unbearable, and I don’t know how long I can contain it.

A cold wind whips through the room, hitting me like a bucket of ice water. I pull back, shivering and numb, grasping at air. Logan blinks, then spins, leaping to his feet. His body goes rigid and for the first time I can see why.

I can see The Reaper.

I’m still frozen, only now it’s literal, like having the worst case of frostbite in history. My fingers and toes are numb, my face bitter cold. I can actually see my breath in the air.

“What do you want from me?” Logan demands.

The hooded figure doesn’t answer. It just stands there, long brown robe pooling on the floor around it, hood drawn so its face is hidden in shadow. Raising a hand it points, past Logan to me.

“You can’t have her. I won’t let you touch her.”

Logan is defiant and bold, stepping toward the creature, his hands balled into fists at his side.

It shakes its head slowly.

Stepping forward, Logan throws a punch, but his fist passes through the figure. He rocks back, surprised.

“Just take me instead,” Logan pleads softly. “Leave her alone and take me.”

I lunge forward, finally able to move. I can feel the adrenaline course through my veins like acid, burning away the cold.

“No!” I reach for Logan, but he’s a ghost again and I can’t make contact with him. He turns to look at me.

“Logan, don’t you dare give yourself up to that freak.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think we have a choice.”

I back up, moving to the edge of my bed. “Please, Logan. I don’t want to lose you. Not yet. It’s not fair.”

His face falls and he turns away from me, back to The Reaper.

I back myself into the corner of my bed, reaching blindly behind me. Wrapping my fingers tightly around a metal rod I race forward, swinging at The Reaper wildly. The fireplace poker connects, dropping the creature to its knees. As I draw back for another blow it vanishes.

“That’s what I thought, you pathetic Ghost-of-Christmas-Future wanna be.” I drop the iron rod to the floor with a thud. Running to Logan I find that I still can’t touch him.

“Sorry,” I say shaking my head. “I couldn’t let him take you.”

He looks past me to the iron rod.

“How long have you had that in here?”

I shrug. “Since the cemetery.”

“Well, good thinking. And, uh, thanks for not using that on me.”

“No problem.”

Neither of us says anything else, we just sort of stand there, the discomfort growing between us. How does a passionate kiss turn into awkward silence? Like this, I suppose. I want to say something, but I can’t think of anything that doesn’t make me sound like a total freak so I clamp my mouth shut. It’s Logan who finally breaks the silence.

“I don’t want to leave you either Zoe.” His eyes grow dark, “But I will do whatever I have to do to keep that thing away from you. Even if it means moving on.”

I draw in a deep breath and nod once.

“Besides, you have a boyfriend. With a pulse.” He tries to smile but it’s lopsided and forced. “I mean, it’s kind of a minimum requirement.”

“Bruno is a great guy. But he’s not—“

“Dead?”

I look up, trying to fight back the tidal wave of emotions threatening to overtake me.

“You. He’s not you.”

Logan walks over, closing the gap between us and lays a gentle kiss on my forehead. I can almost feel it, but not quite. Whatever magic allowed him to be solid for so long was gone now. And the loss of it is almost enough to make me cry.

“Get some sleep Zoe. We will figure everything out in the morning.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Oh, you know. I’ll just hang out in the chair over there and check out some late night infomercials.”

“You mean keep watch.”

He nods, “Yes. Keep watch. But something tells me that thing won’t bother you again tonight, now that it knows you’re armed and dangerous.”

He breaks into a grin. “You are the only girl I’ve ever met who is ballsy enough to take on a ghost with a fireplace poker while in her rubber ducky pajamas.”

I shrug.

He motions for me to crawl back in bed. But my heart is still racing and I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep. I just lay there, staring at him. Maybe, I can memorize his face, every last detail. Make it perfect in my memory so that once he’s gone…

The pain is sharp and crushing, like a vice around my heart.

“Logan, stay with me.”

He tilts his head, “I’m not going anywhere.”

I bite my bottom lip and pull back my covers. “No, stay here, with me. Beside me.”

I hear the quake in my voice. “I mean, I know we can’t…I just want to sleep beside you. Just once.”

He grins and slips into bed beside me, so we are face to face. I draw the covers up but they fall right though him. I laugh dryly, not sure what I expected. He props his head up on his elbow.

“Now get some sleep, Zoe. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“You better be.”

* * *

I’m still fast asleep in Logan’s arms when my mother throws open my door.

“Zoe! Get up. You missed your alarm. You’re late for school.”

I sit up slowly, rubbing my eyes. Mom is staring at me like I’m crazy.

“Are you sick?” she asks immediately, prepared to go into full on nurse mode on me.

I hold up a hand, trying not to smile because Logan is lying beside me snickering.

“No. No, I’m fine. Just overslept. I’ll get ready. Thanks.”