I nod, leaning against him.

“I know. But it doesn’t make it any easier.”

“For me either, Zoe.” He kisses the top of my head.

Then I feel myself start to slide through him, his firm skin replaced by cold air.

“It’s just so unfair. We should have had time,” I whine.

“We have right now. Maybe that’s all we get. But I’m grateful for every second of it, I want you to know that.”

I push the plate aside and climb into bed, patting the blanket next to me. Logan lies down beside me, his own eyes wet with tears.

“I didn’t know ghosts could cry.”

He frowns. “These are the manliest of tears. Reserved for things like toe stubbing and accidental snake bites to the buttocks.”

I laugh through the tears and close my eyes, letting myself drift off to the sound of his breathing.

“And for letting go of you,” he adds quietly.

Seventeen

Morning comes and this time, when my alarm goes off, Logan is gone. Something inside me feels like a deep well, hollow and cold. I roll out of bed and shower quickly. Knowing I’m going to be trying on dresses later I opt for a soft white peasant dress and soft suede belt. I’m buckling the strap on my heels when Logan appears in my room.

“Sorry, I meant to be here when you woke up, but I lost track of time a little.”

I shrug and proceed to weave my hair into a loose braid, tying it off with a bit of ribbon. Standing up I go to the jewelry box and pull it open. It’s made of wood and brass and when I tug open the tiny glass doors, Brahms lullaby starts playing. A birthday gift from my father when I was a little girl. Now every time I hear the tune I feel close to him, and I really want to feel close to him today.

“Look what I found,” I say, holding up a long silver chain with a bottle cap dangling from it.

Logan grins, walking over to see it better. “I can’t believe you still have that.”

“We were what, like six?”

He shakes his head. “And I gave it to you in exchange for—“

“A kiss. My first kiss as a matter of fact.”

“And you kept it all this time?”

I shrug. “First kisses are a big deal for a girl.”

I don’t tell him that after he gave it to me, for the next few weeks, I’d convinced myself it meant we were married. I’d even told my dad that I was going to have to move out of the house and move into the tree house with Logan since he was my husband. Dad just laughed and told me that someday, I’d get married for real and when that happened, that he’d have to approve of it because he’d be giving away his only daughter.

I feel my heart stutter at the memory.

“It was a big deal for me too.”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever Logan. You probably don’t even remember—“

He holds out a finger. “You were wearing a yellow sweater. I told you it made you look like a bumble bee. You hit me. And then, I gave you the necklace because you were crying. You sniffled and said, what does it cost? And I said,” he pauses so I finish.

“A kiss from a crying girl.”

“See? I remember.”

I smile sadly. Why can’t life ever turn out the way it’s supposed to?

Putting the necklace over my head I let it fall against my chest. I don’t look back at Logan until I’ve fought back the tears. I’m not going to cry again. Not today. Today, I just have to… survive.

“Look, about Bruno,” Logan starts, clearing his throat. “It’s okay for you to like him. I mean, not that you need permission, but…Bruno’s a good guy. You deserve a good guy.”

I take a deep breath.

“Okay, quit trying to make me cry, you freaking sap. I just did my mascara.”

He looks offended, then realizes that I’m teasing.

“Me? You busted out with the childhood memories. Geeze woman. Pining away much?”

I chuckle. “Well, you know me. I never throw away perfectly good jewelry.”

He lowers his voice seriously. “You look beautiful, by the way. Just thought you should know.”

I pull my shoulder into my chin. “Oh, I know. But thanks just the same. Are we ready to do this?”

He nods and I hear the doorbell ring. I’d almost forgotten I asked Bruno for a ride today since I was going shopping with Cassidy right after school.

“Um, I’m going to go hang out at my house today, okay? I want to see my mom, make sure she’s doing alright.”

I nod. “See you at lunch?”

He smiles and vanishes.

By the time I get to the front door my mom is chatting away with Bruno, who looks completely undaunted by her. Granted she’s only five foot four, a hundred pounds wet, but she can be as intimidating as a grizzly bear.

I kiss her quickly on the cheek, pushing Bruno out the door with a hand to his chest.

“Bye mom. See you later,” I say, ushering him toward the truck.

“What, you don’t want me to talk to your mom?”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t want her to start sending out our wedding invitations just yet. She tends to get a little over excited.”

He opens my door, stopping to kiss me before he lets me in. I sigh deeply. I really do enjoy kissing Bruno.

“She’s nice,” he says.

“Um, she’s meaner than a bag full of squirrels and twice as nuts.”

He laughs.

“What’s so funny?” I ask.

He turns the key in the ignition. “You. I don’t think I’ve heard you insult anybody in a few days. Are you saving up for a special occasion?”

Now it’s my turn to laugh. “Maybe. It’s almost Homecoming after all.”

“Good. I like to watch you get all wrath-y. Just, you know, not on me.”

I smile until may face hurts.

When we get to school Bruno walks me to my locker as usual, only he’s acting weird, jumpy.

“What got sprinkled on your granola today?” I ask, turning the combination lock.

He steps back and when I open the locker it’s full of flowers. Not roses or carnations or anything as mundane as that, but it’s full of tall, white daisies.

I pull out the bouquet and inhale deeply. I love daisies. They’re my favorite flowers.

“How did you know?” I ask, already suspecting the answer.

Carlos walks up from behind, his hand in the air.

“He called in back up last night.”

I stare at Bruno. “When did you have time to put these in here?”

He shrugs meekly, “I got up early and did it this morning.”

“Then you came all the way back to my house to pick me up?”

I’m so stunned, I’m not even sure what to say when he grins sheepishly. Looking back down at the flowers I see a little card tucked into the flowers. Pulling it out I read it.

For the prettiest girl I’ve ever met.

Love,

Kyle.

It’s so strange to see that he’s signed his first name it takes a second to click in. For as long as I have known him, everyone just called him Bruno. I never even thought to ask if he would prefer something else.

Stepping in close I wrap my arms around his neck.

“Thanks, Kyle. I love them.”

He blushes wildly and I reach onto my tiptoes to kiss him. The bell rings, jarring us apart.

He brushes his hand over my hair, kissing me on the jaw.

“See you at lunch.”

* * *

Coach Mason stops me after first period to give me a list of the teachers chaperoning for the dance.

“Thanks. I’ll pass this onto the Dance Committee,” I say tucking it in my bag.

He tilts his head, looking at me quizzically. “Is everything alright Zoe? I can’t help but notice you seem a little distracted lately.”

I frown. “No, everything is good. Why? Are my grades slipping?”

“No, I just noticed, you seem to have come into a new group of friends this year.”

“Yeah,” I say, trying not to sound irritated at his keeping me so late. “They’re great.”

“You know, we have grief counselors available to students still struggling with what happened to Kaylee.”

Okay, this is just getting weird. Am I sending off some kind of pathetic, crazy chick vibes? Or worse, had he somehow overheard me talking to Logan yesterday after class? God, he probably thinks I was talking to myself.

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind,” I say with a smile and rush out of the room.

As soon as I step foot in the hallway, my group of friends are there waiting. The girls are all taking turns cooing over the flowers and the guys are giving Bruno—no Kyle—a hard time.

I turn to my poor, embarrassed boyfriend and plant a kiss on him.

“So, I was thinking, I know everyone calls you Bruno, but would it be okay if I just call you Kyle from now on?”

I ask loudly, making sure the rest of the group hears me.

He smiles. “Sure, if you want.”

He bends over, plants a kiss on the tip of my nose and leads me out to his truck.

I don’t see Logan at lunch, which worries me more that I’d like to admit. We opt to skip the pizza today for Chinese and I’m glad we do. Any more pizza and I’m not going to be able to squeeze myself into that red dress anymore.

“So, what do you have going on tonight?” Bruno asks as the waitress hands out our plates.

“I’m kidnapping her,” Cassidy says with a mischievous grin.

Bruno glances over at me and I bat my eyelashes innocently. He sighs. “As long as you bring her back.”

“Where are you two going?” Becca asks curiously.

I glance up at Cassidy, who is looking at me like she’s trying to swallow the giant foot in her mouth. I give her a subtle nod.

“Dress shopping for Homecoming,” she answers, stuffing a fork full of rice in her mouth.