R. Lilley - Lovely Trigger

I just shook my head.  I remembered so clearly where I’d been when I’d heard a rumor, just over a year ago, that he and Mona were engaged.  It had messed me up.

Being apart was one thing, but the idea that some other woman could be his wife?  That was out of fucking line.

And I’d planted the same poisonous idea in Tristan’s head about Andrew and me.  I was fully culpable here.  I’d given him that idea, knowing that it was utter nonsense, knowing quite well that it would mess him up like it had me.

I felt guilty enough about it to offer some small recompense.

“First of all, let’s be clear.  You have no claim on our years apart.  You don’t own any of them.”

His golden eyes were filled with a supplication so raw that I couldn’t take it at close range.  One small rant had reduced him from the rage back to the pain.

I pushed him away, wrenching him off me, out of me, scrambled back, then stood, and backed up until my shoulder blades hit a wall.

“No claim,” I repeated.  I was naked, but I didn’t even try to cover myself from his eyes.  My body wasn’t the most exposed part of me just then.  I wanted to cover my heart.

“No claim,” I repeated again, voice quavering.  “But of course I didn’t love him.  I wanted to love him, but love is not about want.”

His eyes had gone pure liquid.

I shuddered, then started to shiver, and not from the cold.

“He was good for me, but love is not about good.”

My hand jabbed at him, then at me, then back again, the motion wild, chaotic.  “This is what love gets you, okay?  I cared about Andrew, do care about him, but I walked away clean.”

Lips trembling, voice trembling, I continued, “Love doesn’t let you walk away clean.  Love is messy.  I don’t have to tell you, of all people; Love takes a fucking piece of you before it’s done.”

If it is ever even possible to be done.

I couldn’t say that part aloud.  Fear still held too strong a hold on me, and I respected that fear enough to give it the time it needed.

He rose and moved to me.  His shorts rode low on his hips, the waistband in front still pulled under his scrotum.  He hadn’t bothered to raise them enough to cover his heavy, spent cock.  I didn’t think he even noticed.

It was distracting, but not as distracting as the unrelenting glint in his eyes.  His mood had altered with the flip of a switch.

My rant had appeased him, to put it lightly.

I wasn’t sure that had been its desired result.  I’d wanted to solve a problem, not create a new one.

He cupped my face in his hands, his eyes tender enough to break me.

“Come here,” he urged softly, taking his hands away from my face, and opening his arms wide.

With a shuddering sigh, I fell into them.

TRISTAN

I wrapped my arms around her and clutched her to my chest, letting her words wash over me, allowing them to soothe me.  She hadn’t been happy to say them, but they still worked as balm to my wounded heart.

We stayed like that for a long time, but it couldn’t last forever, especially since we were skin on skin.

Eventually, we started shifting and soothing rubs turned into lingering touches.

Her hand moved to my stiff erection.  Her teeth bit at her lush lower lip while her palm pumped at me, her grip firm as she ran it up and down my length.  I loved the feel of her hand on me, the way her delicate fingers curved so perfectly around my throbbing length.

I watched her face while she touched me.  That dear, beautiful face.  Her hair was parted down the middle and pulled back tight today.  Even our efforts on the couch hadn’t loosened it.  It was a severe style, but somehow it only enhanced the raw beauty of her features, her clear gray eyes standing out like pale crystals, her trembling lips so lush I couldn’t stop picturing them wrapped around my cock.

Not yet, I thought.  Maybe next time.

This time I needed to feel her against me again, to press my whole body to her whole body and feel.

My lips latched onto hers, plundering hers, bruising in their conquest.

Mine, my lips told her.

I backed her flush into the wall, dislodging her hand from me.

Lifting her high, I held her propped up with a hip braced between her legs, gripping her ass in both hands.

I buried my face against the soft mounds of her breasts, rubbing my stubbled cheek against the hard nub of her nipple.

She squirmed and gasped at the abrading contact, clutching my head to her.

I worked my way over to her other quivering breast, nuzzling into the tight crest, turning my head to lick and suck it into my mouth.

I drew hard on her nipple until she whimpered.  Until she begged.

Mine, my body told her, as I pinned her to the wall.

She was panting in short, heavy gasps, her breaths puffing against the top of my head.  I swear just the sound of those labored breaths could have gotten me off.

I twisted my hips, rubbing my jutting cock hard into the soft flesh of her inner thigh.  I shoved against her until I felt a spurt of pre-come coat the skin just below her pussy.

She moaned and reached a grasping hand down, gripping me, pumping.

It was too much, too soon, and I pulled it away.  It seemed a waste to come all over her thigh, when I was more than welcome inside of her tight cunt.

I flicked my tongue against her throat as I shifted, positioning us both so I was snug between her thighs, her feet lifted clean off the ground.

I took her mouth with ferocity as I impaled her slowly onto my aching cock.

She was suspended only by one hard hand on her hip, and my hard member working her on the inside.

She gasped and trembled as I nailed her against that wall.

I gripped my free hand into her hair, holding it at the nape, keeping her mouth anchored to mine.

I pulled back to watch her face as I began to move.

My eyes drank in the sight of her face, tight with longing, her eyes wide and moist, her lower lip trembling uncontrollably.

I glanced down, watching as I slid in and out, watching my cock pull out until just the thick head remained lodged inside.

My eyes flicked to her heaving chest, slick with sweat, her breasts so high and lovely.

I met her stunned gaze as I crammed back into her brutally.

She screamed, and I lost my mind, fucking her hard, harder, jamming into her, dragging out roughly, again and again, mindless with lust.

She was so tight that I felt like I was stretching her with every mad drive, and I couldn’t get enough of it.

I gripped her hips in both of my hands and bounced her forcefully on my cock.

She screamed louder, and I kept fucking her in earnest.

She was so close that she was starting to clench on me in anticipation.  I didn’t let up.

I bit softly on her lower lip as she came apart in my arms.

That, I thought, that right there is what I need.  The ability to fulfill her needs, the power to make her weak, weak enough to lean on me.

Mine, my heart cried out to her.

I didn’t stop, riding out her clenching walls and her digging nails.

I shouted and cursed as legs shaking, back bowed I hit the end of her one last time, and erupted deep inside of her with explosive force, clenched so tight that I could feel each rough pull of semen being milked out of my pulsating cock by our combined efforts.

I came and came, so far gone that I felt shaky with it.  Even my vision went fuzzy for a few long, intense moments.

I slid us both to the ground, pulling out of her on the way.

Laying her gently on her back, I propped myself above her.  I spread her limp thighs with a light touch, fingering her sex.

I’d spilled in her twice already, and trails of liquid were running down her thighs.  Watching her face, I shoved some of that errant fluid back inside of her, my thoughts on our lack of protection.

It wasn’t that it’d slipped my mind.  On the contrary, I’d noticed that even on that first time at the ranch, when I’d lost every ounce of sane thought.  How not?  Being bare inside of her was my own little kind of heaven, and the fact that she hadn’t protested at the time, well, that I’d chalked up to the fact that the lust had made her lose all control, like it had me.

But she hadn’t said so much as a word about it the next time, either.

Or the next.

And neither had I.

For my part, I had no motivation to so much as mention it.  I was clean, and knew she would be.  As for getting pregnant, I figured she was on the pill, but the fact was, even if she wasn’t, I didn’t care.

That wasn’t true.  I cared.  I wanted her off the pill.  I wanted her to get pregnant.

Right or wrong, I’d never stopped wanting that.  I doubted I ever would.

Things were still unsettled between us, but I couldn’t even pretend not to wish for some small chance I could have gotten her pregnant.  I wanted that.  I was more than ready to try my hand at being a father.

And there was only one woman I’d ever have considered for the role of mother to my children.

She gasped and turned her face away.  “Oh God, Tristan.  What are we doing?”

“I don’t know, but neither of us work tomorrow, so we’re about to do it for two days straight, whatever we want to call it.”

She didn’t even look like she’d heard me.  In fact, she looked like she was drifting off.