“It’s my fault. He was coming to see me,” I say, feeling numb and exhausted.

“How is it your fault? He was like a little kid after he got off the phone. He …” Liam chokes up and I pat his hand and lean into him, closing my eyes and letting the beat of his heart try to soothe me.

“How is he?” Jeff’s voice sounds close, but I have no energy to look at or answer him. I hear Colin mumble a few words and then nothing but Liam’s heart beating and an annoying TV that’s blaring from somewhere close by.

An hour later, Drew’s father joins us, looking worried. He worry turns to anger when Colin tells him we haven’t been told anything. He storms off. I let Liam’s heartbeat take me away again. I must have fallen asleep, because when I open my eyes, Emily is there, and so are a bunch of people I’ve met and some I’ve only seen in magazines.

Liam explains the late-night news had reported the accident, and people just started showing up. The agency also sent over private security to keep the press at bay. And there is still no news on Drew’s condition.

Emily sees me talking to Liam and comes over, making Jeff move so she can sit beside me. Her face is tear-streaked. She grabs my free hand and draws me into a hug. My stomach starts tumbling, and I stand up quickly. Jeff is right there, guiding me away from the crowd and into a secluded hallway. I want to see Drew. I have to see Drew.

“Jeff, I have to see Drew. Please help me. I can’t stand not knowing if he’s okay.” I cling to him and he pats my back and then seats me in a chair that he grabs from an open empty room.

“I’ll be right back,” Jeff assures me, and I let my head fall into my hands. I hear him on the phone, and then he’s back with a slight smile on his face.

“What did you do?”

“I called my dad. He’s calling the CEO of this hospital. In a few minutes, we should have some action. Let’s go back to the waiting room. I know it’s crowded, but they need to be able to find us.”

The room is just how we left it, except everyone is silent. A harried-looking man in a long white coat with a stethoscope slung around his neck enters a few minutes after Jeff and I sit down. All eyes focus on him.

“I need to talk to the immediate family of Drew Johnson.” I zero in on his father and Emily, who for some reason grab my arm and take me with them. We follow the man down another hallway and into a small room, really more like a large closet.

“I’m Dr. Morely, and I’ve been attending to Drew. The crash was pretty serious and so are his injuries. We lost him a few times, but he’s stable enough now to undergo surgery. He’s bleeding internally, and we have to find the source. His right leg is broken, but we’ll fix that after we get the bleeding under control. We need you to sign the forms so we can take him to the OR. We’re sorry we haven’t come out sooner, but it was touch and go, and my team and I were very busy.” He sounds exasperated, but I don’t feel guilty. We were in the dark.

Emily and I go back to the waiting room, arms around each other. Her father follows the doctor to sign the papers. I know how the doctor felt, because as soon as we walk into the room, it’s like a spotlight is on us.

“Well?” Jeff comes up to me and holds my hand.

“He’s going to surgery because he’s bleeding internally and they don’t know where, so they have to stop it.”

Emily starts crying and Liam and Colin move in to comfort her.

Time seems to stand still, but the hands on the clock say differently. It’s been four hours since we last talked to the doctor. In that time, the head of the modeling agency showed up, followed by a catering service handing out coffee, tea, and pretty much anything you can think of as far as drinks and sandwiches and pastries. A few people eat. I notice the models passing on the food but consuming flavored waters.

“Dora, you should eat something. You didn’t have dinner. And lunch and breakfast weren’t much either.”

I shake my head at Jeff. I definitely don’t want a vomiting session in front of this crowd. He insists I drink a cup of hot tea and it warms me up a little.

“Are all of you here for Drew Johnson?” A petite woman in scrubs is standing in the doorway looking us all over. We nod our heads like sheep. “I’m Dr. Galena and I’m the surgeon. We found the site of the bleeding, and we had to remove Mr. Johnson’s spleen. While we were in the OR, a scan revealed some swelling in the brain. We’ve had to place him in a drug-induced coma in hopes it will give the brain time to heal on its own. Only time will tell. We were able to repair the damage to his leg once the bleeding was under control, and he’s now in intensive care. Only immediate family members are allowed to visit, one at a time, for a few minutes every hour. Even though he’s in a coma, it’s believed that patients in his condition can still hear you. We encourage you to talk to him in a positive manner. Please no negativity. A nurse will be in shortly to take family members back to the ICU waiting room.” She turns and leaves quickly before anyone can ask questions. But what else can she say? We know what she knows.

“Come on, Dora, the nurse is here.” Both Emily and Drew’s father are waiting for me. I’m shocked why they’re still including me, like I’m family or something. Before I have the chance to wonder anymore, Jeff kisses me on the cheek and gently pushes me to join them in pursuit of the nurse down the hallway.

ICU is a scary place. I’m in total shock as Emily and her dad let me go first. It’s like walking into a tomb, but with little beeping and whooshing noises. The nurses walk quietly from one room to another. Rooms are laid out in a semicircle, with a large island in the middle where other nurses sit observing monitors. The nurse who came to get me gestures to a room in the middle of the semicircle, and I prepare myself for what lies beyond the door.

“Now remember,” she says quietly, “he will look different. He’s hooked up to machines by many tubes, and has some bruising.” She made this speech earlier in the waiting room. How could I have forgotten?

I turn the corner into the room, and I don’t recognize the person in the bed. Drew’s face is all bruised and swollen. His leg is in a cast, and there are so many tubes, I can’t begin to count. I wipe the tears from my eyes. I have to be brave. This is the man I love, and I have to help him pull through this.

“Hi, Drew.” I say, taking hold of his hand, hoping against hope that he’ll squeeze it back. I kind of feel silly for talking to him like this, but if they think he can hear me, I don’t care how ridiculous I look. “I’m sorry I ran out on you in Florida. I just felt out of my league. If it makes any difference, my heart has been broken ever since. I think and dream about you. I’ve never in my life ever felt so happy and loved. Yes, I said the L word. I love you, Drew, and deep down I knew it was you on Halloween but I thought you were a bad boy, and the parade of women I’ve seen you with in the magazines, tabloids and on TV made me believe you were a player. I’m so sorry I judged you. I’m wrong, and I want another chance if you’ll let me. Please forgive me. I love you, Drew. I’m not just saying that because you’re in here, and we’re supposed to only say positive things. I really do love you, and I want to be with you until you get tired of me. Please get better soon so we can talk like we were supposed to before this happened. My mom says things happen for a reason, but I don’t understand the reason behind this. I love you, and I’ll keep saying it until you wake up. I love you, Drew.”

“Sorry, time’s up,” a nurse says. “Can I make a suggestion?” She looks at me with kind eyes. “Go home and get some rest and then come back. I promise I’ll call you if anything changes. You have to take care of that baby.”

“How do you know?” I ask, thinking whether I’ve said anything. I’m so tired it could be possible.

“I was watching you on the monitor, and you’ve been rubbing your abdomen the whole time you’ve been talking to him.”

“Nobody knows except my best friend.” I feel a little panicked that my secret will be out before I’m ready.

“I won’t say a word.” She pats my hand and then lets me out of the room. I lean up against the wall, not sure if I can take another step. Just as the thought goes through my mind, I look up and see Jeff standing there waiting for me.

“Come on, we’re going home to get some rest. I’ve told Emily and Mr. Johnson, and they’re going back to the loft to stay a while,” he says while I let him lead me down the hallway.

26

The morning after the accident, my mom showed up at Jeff’s door. I was sound asleep and didn’t wake up until late afternoon, feeling like I had been hit by a truck.

I check the bedside table. My cell is missing. I slowly get out of bed, in deference to my sensitive stomach and crazy equilibrium. That’s when I hear voices and I open my door to see my mom at the kitchen table with Jeff. She gets up and meets me halfway with open arms.

“Mom? What? How?”

“Henry told me. I know he’s supposed to keep quiet about family matters and problems, but I knew something wasn’t right and he gave in after I told him I would start ignoring him all together. I kept getting your voice mail, so I drove down this morning. He told me along the way. No, I didn’t get stopped by the police, and no, your dad didn’t know I was coming. Why didn’t you call me? I’m your mother.” She’s hugging me tightly. I feel like I did when I was a little girl and she would hug away my fears. “Jeff has filled me in. Drew’s going to pull through. From what I’ve found out, he’s in love with my daughter and she’s in love with him too. So with my connections to the other side, I’m pulling out all the stops. My grandbaby will not be fatherless.” She kisses the top of my head as I realize what she just said.