Stunned, she could only shake her head.

"No one knew, Dad. I didn't even tell Lily, Mary Kate, and Jess, that's how lousy a friend I was. I just said it would be totally awesome if we all had babies together, and they bought it. Only they got pregnant, and then I miscarried-"

"When? Did you know about this, Pam? What doctor didn't tell us?"

"No doctor," Abby cried. "I tested positive for six weeks, then had this really heavy disgusting period, and the tests after that showed negative."

Pam knew about disgusting periods. She remembered a pain that went beyond the physical, felt it even now.

But Abby was hurrying on. "I tried again and kept trying, but I'm not pregnant. Something's wrong with me."

Tanner looked bewildered. "You kept trying? This doesn't make sense."

"Not to you! You don't have to worry about friends. I do!"

"You do not. You're a Perry."

"Like that guarantees happiness?" the girl asked, pushing back from the table and rising to her full Perry height. "Like it guarantees I'll grow old with three friends I love? Like it guarantees I'll ever be able to have a baby? You don't understand. These things matter!" She ran from the room.

Tanner stared after her before turning to Pam. He looked dazed. "I don't understand. I asked you to talk with her."

Pam stood with her arms circling her middle. She was torn apart inside, hearing something's wrong with me and wanting to go to Abby, but needing to pacify Tanner first. "I asked. She denied. What more could I do?"

"You should have known."

Pam was slow in answering. She kept hearing Tanner tell Abby that she was a Perry, but now Pam wondered who she was. Arguably, she had more in common with Susan, Sunny, and Kate than with her husband's family. When she was at the barn, she wasn't just a Perry. She was someone who contributed.

These friends made her a better person. She wondered if that was the appeal.

If so, she had let them down. "They have every right to hate me."

"Who?"

"Susan, Sunny, and Kate. They knew Abby was involved. But they were too loyal to say anything."

"Loyal, or cowardly?"

"Loyal, Tanner," Pam said, offended. "Loyal to me, loyal to Abby-and now, I need to be there for Susan when she needs help."

He retreated. "Fine. But even if Abby suggested the pact to the others, she didn't hold a gun to their heads."

"But she was part of it. If things had gone as planned, the pact would have involved four girls, and the press would be at our door. Are we any less guilty than Susan?"

"Susan's the principal of the high school."

"And you're the CEO of Perry and Cass."

"It's different. I'm a man. You're the mother. You should have known."

He was wrong. She didn't often think it. But right now he was dead wrong, a Perry through and through.

She was not. Suddenly that didn't seem so bad.

"I should have known?" she asked softly. "Like Susan should have known what Lily was planning? It doesn't work that way."

"Abby's a good girl."

"So are Lily, Mary Kate, and Jess. And Susan is the best mother I know."

"She's still the principal."

"And you're still a Perry," Pam said, irritated. "That means more responsibility, and right now it means helping someone who's being made to pay for the… the priggishness of this town."

Tanner was silent, then curious. "Do you really think that?"

"I do," she said, realizing it was true. "Susan's being scapegoated. And that's wrong. You have to put your support behind her."

"I can't."

"Why not? Because Perrys don't get dirty? Is it all about appearance? What about going out on a limb for a friend when you know it's the right thing to do?" His silence goaded her on. "Think about it, Tanner. There but for the grace of God go I. Don't you find that humbling?" She certainly did.

Tanner had risen. He rubbed the back of his neck, then said, "I can't announce to the world that my daughter caused this fiasco. It's bad enough that I know it."

Pam nodded angrily. "It's not the first time a Perry's been knocked up." He winced at the phrase, but she didn't care. "You ought to be grateful. In Abby's case, the problem solved itself, so we're in the clear. Your job's not on the line. But Susan's is. You need to help."

He shook his head. "Not my place."

Pam disagreed. "It is totally your place. If this isn't a case that cries out for responsibility, I don't know what is. If not for this, what do you stand for?" she cried in dismay and went upstairs to Abby.

Abby was tall, but her room was much taller, making her seem small and vulnerable as she sat cross-legged on the window seat. Her eyes were wet with tears.

Settling beside her, Pam took her hand. "Talk to me, Abby."

"I'm a terrible person."

"Me, too. So talk to me."

Abby must have been brimming with a need for catharsis, because the words came in a rush. "I didn't plan to get pregnant, I swear I didn't. I knew it would be the worst thing for a Perry, because they do expect more from us, and you'd both have hated me for it. I thought about getting an abortion, but I didn't know where to start looking, and I realized that if that got out, it'd be even worse. So then I thought it wouldn't be so bad if there was a good reason I was pregnant. So I suggested the pact to the others, and they bought it, and for a little while, it was really neat. I mean, I could be a good mother. I would love to focus on a baby. But this has been so bad, Mom. Look at what's happening to Susan. And to Lily's baby? Who'd have imagined that? If I could do it over again, I wouldn't have suggested a pact-and I would never have outed my friends. But now the joke's on me. What if I never have a baby?"

Pam said the only things she could. "I had you, didn't I?" Then, "You'll have your baby." Then, "Maybe this just isn't the right time."

"But I wanted to do it with them."

"That is not a reason to have a child at this age. For now, you can give them support."

"Will you?"

"Yes." Pam hadn't thought it through, but it wasn't rocket science. Tanner could do what he wanted, but so could she. "I'll lobby for Susan. I'll get everyone who loves her to the meeting. You could do the same with the kids. Have them talk to their parents."

"Like my word matters? Everyone knows we're on the outs."

"Tell them Susan's the best principal they've ever had. Tell them they need to keep it that way." Pam paused, heart aching. Knowing of Abby's involvement, she felt more responsible. "You could also tell Lily you're rooting for her baby."

"She wouldn't listen," Abby murmured, pulling up her knees. She still looked miserable, but at least she wasn't crying. "They hate me now."

Pam thought of Susan, Sunny, and Kate. "They probably hate me, too."

"I loved being with them."

"Me, too." The need to belong-the basis of pact behavior-was wrong in this case, but Pam understood its power.

"Why don't we fit in?" Abby asked.

"Maybe because we haven't been… relevant," said Pam. "We have to make ourselves relevant." She had an idea. "Like with knitting. I'll pull strings to get an awesome catalogue promotion, and if your uncle Cliff balks, I'll threaten to shut down PC Wool."

Abby looked up. "You wouldn't shut it down."

"Not, but I'd threaten to if he doesn't give me the space I want, and we both know how profitable PC Wool is. So," Pam said, "we have to make sure we have enough finished samples. Kate will tell me what's already done, but you and I can knit more. Susan suggested I make a shawl. I can do that. You can knit gloves. Gloves are very in."

"I can't knit gloves. I've never knitted gloves."

"You've done socks."

"No one sees mistakes in socks. They see every last one in gloves."

"Then you'll have to make sure there are none." Pam had another idea. "Cashmere," she breathed reverently. "The woman we visited was good, and she has stock. What if Kate could dye up a batch really fast? Would you do a pair of gloves then?"

Abby looked tempted. "Cashmere? I could try."

"Trying isn't good enough. We both have to do it. We could make a pact, the two of us. No more trying. Just doing. What do you think?"

Chapter 26

Pam had always considered Tanner a leader, but now wondered if his leadership skills were limited to Perry & Cass. She knew he liked Susan, but he was avoiding helping her. Disillusioned, Pam refused to discuss it further, which meant that they weren't talking, which meant she had more energy to talk with friends.

Defiant? Oh, yes. For the first time in her married life, she was bucking the tide. That made success very important to her.