ée Carlino - Nowhere but Here

I thought about what it would be like to upend my life and move to California, but the idea of losing my rent-controlled apartment scared me. Then I thought about the holiday train. Every year the transit people decorate one train. They completely deck it out—even Santa Claus rides on it. My entire life, all I had ever wanted to do was ride the holiday train, but I’d never been able to catch it. When people would talk to me about how rad it was to ride the holiday train, I wanted to kick them in the face.

I was trying to convince myself, while lying on that bed, that I had enough reason to stay in Chicago because, hey, I hadn’t ridden the holiday train, but I fell asleep thinking about Jamie and what his rough hands would feel like on my bare skin.

Three knocks startled me out of bed. I glanced at the clock—9:01 a.m. I had never slept in that late. I bolted to my feet and headed for the entryway, wearing only a tight black crewneck T-shirt and black lace panties. I hid my lower half behind the cracked door and peeked out to find a smiling female member of the waitstaff holding a metal carafe.

“Hello, Ms. Corbin. I have coffee for you. And this.” She handed me a folded-up piece of paper that had the word Itinerary written across it in messy handwriting. I opened the door wide and let her pass into the room. She set the coffee on the corner table and I scrambled into the bathroom, threw on a white terry robe, and came out, not bothering to tie it.

“Hi, um . . . ?”

“Lydia.”

“Hi, Lydia. I’m having some issues with the Wi-Fi. I think I need a new code?”

“Okay, I’ll check on that for you.”

“Thank you.”

“There’s frittata and fresh fruit and muffins and scones in the dining room when you’re ready to come down. I’ll be right back with that code.” She passed me and headed out the door.

I stood near the entry and started to unfold the itinerary when the three knocks came again. Wow, she’s fast. I opened the door wide to find Jamie on the other side, looking charming. I glanced down at myself and realized my robe was still hanging open.

“Good morning,” he murmured distractedly. I didn’t move. His eyes skimmed down my body and back up again. He put his hand over his heart and then turned around to walk away but quickly turned back and stood his ground in the doorway. He was trying to collect himself. He looked up at the ceiling and then back at me. When his eyes met mine, he smiled.

“See something you like?” I asked, using his line on him.

He cleared his throat. “You have no idea.”

“I haven’t read my itinerary yet so I don’t know why you’re here.” I batted my eyelashes and smiled innocently.

“It’s not about that. Although, right now, I’m wishing I’d made breakfast plans with you.”

“I have work to do, young man.”

He looked down at his feet and chuckled. “I just wanted to let you know that the rental company replaced your car.” He pulled the black square key from his pocket. “It’s in the parking lot if you want to go exploring today. Just be careful.”

“Thank you. At first I thought you were Lydia at the door. I asked her to find out about the Wi-Fi for me. Maybe you can help?” He shook his head. “You don’t know how the Wi-Fi works here?”

“No, I don’t use it, but I can find out for you and send someone up if you want?” He rocked back onto the heels of his work boots a couple of times. It seemed like an impatient gesture.

“That’s okay. I think Lydia will take care of it.”

“Great,” he said. “So I’ll see you later?” I nodded. He turned around and then came right back again, pushing the door open. With a sweet look splashed across his ruggedly handsome face, he stage-whispered, “I can’t wait,” and then he was gone.

Lydia never came back with the code. I went downstairs and raided the basket of muffins and scones before scurrying back to my room to start work on the article. No Wi-Fi was going to pose a problem, but I didn’t want to hassle anyone at the inn. Instead, I decided to hassle Jerry. I dialed his number with lightning speed.

“Jerry Evans.”

“Jer, I can’t get Wi-Fi here.”

“You’re kidding? Are you going to write that in the article?”

“I’m going to do this the old-fashioned way.”

“What’s that, carve it into a stone tablet?”

“Listen, I’m just going to jot down some notes on paper here and let this whole story marinate a little bit. I’ll have one of the PAs at the office do some research for me and then, when I’m back in Chicago, I’ll knock it out. Whaddaya think?”

“Do I hear a little spark in your voice?”

“If I had a dollar for every time you answered a question with a question . . .”

“You sound better already, Kate. Take your time. I’m not putting a deadline on you, but that doesn’t mean you can take for fucking ever, either. All right?”

I laughed. “I know. You’re the best, Jer.”

By noon I had several sheets of notes scribbled out and strewn across the bed. I remembered that the itinerary was still lying half open on the long entry table. I skipped over and unfolded it to find a couple of simple lines in Jamie’s messy handwriting:

4:OO p.m. Going into the city. That’s it. That’s all.

Just relax and enjoy your day.

Kisses,

Jamie

My heart skipped a beat when I imagined him saying the word “kisses.” I went back to my notes but couldn’t focus. All I could think about was dinner with Jamie. I decided I’d put some effort into it and try to find a dress for our date. After throwing on a pair of jeans and my ballet flats, I headed over to Susan’s office, hoping to get her input, even though part of me feared she wouldn’t approve of our date.

When I reached the door I looked down the patio and saw Chelsea sitting on her dog pillow, looking queenly as ever. “That’s it!” I said aloud. I marched up to her, dropped to my knees, and began scratching behind her ears. She melted into a puddle of Jell-O, all splayed out on her back with her legs in the air. “Oh, you’re so much easier than you pretend to be, aren’t you? Deep down inside you’re just a sweet girl, lookin’ for some love.” Chelsea wagged her tail and stretched her arms as I scratched her neck and belly.

The moment I stood up she went right back to her regal pose, looking straight ahead and ignoring me. If she could talk, I think she would have said, Don’t think this makes us friends. I brushed my hands on my jeans and headed into Susan’s office, where I found her typing at the computer. She looked up at me over her square glasses. “Hello, Kate. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I was wondering if you know where I can get something to wear?” She stared at me, expressionless, so I continued. “I was hoping that I could find a clothing store nearby so that I don’t have to go all the way into the city.”

“Is that so?” Her eyes scrutinized me. I nodded shyly, wondering if coming to her might have been a bad idea. She didn’t seem possessive of Jamie as much as overprotective. Whatever it was, it seemed like more than a working relationship. “What’s the occasion?”

I thought about my answer for a few seconds and then decided to go with the truth. After all, she already knew. “I’m going on a date with Jamie, but you already knew that. I want to look nice for him.” I held my head up high and watched as her expression turned from indifference to warmth. She smiled. I could have sworn that Susan liked it when I fought back.

“Well. There’s a little boutique store in the town of Napa. They have some really cute dresses that I think would look stunning on you.” She wrote the address down and handed me the piece of paper.

“Thank you . . . and I don’t think of this as a fling, just so you know. I’m not like that. I like Jamie, and I think he likes me.” She nodded but didn’t respond. I was looking for validation from her. I had no plans to hurt Jamie, but I couldn’t tell if she believed me. Worse than that, she didn’t exactly verify his feelings for me. “Thank you again for this,” I said as I headed out the door. I glanced into R.J.’s office and saw only an empty chair. Hands-on? Yeah, right.

On my way to the car, I spotted a familiar pair of work boots. Jamie was crouching by a long wrought iron fence that surrounded the pool. From where I stood, I could see little glimmers of light popping into the air. I walked toward him hesitantly. There was a square machine on the ground, and I spotted the welding rod in his hand. He was wearing a hood and gloves, but other than that, no protective gear, just a white T-shirt and jeans. I approached unnoticed and stood over him to watch as he welded a bar back into the fence. There were sparks flying all over, and some landed on his forearms, but he seemed unaffected by it. When he finally noticed me standing beside him, he stopped immediately and turned off the welder. He stood up with ease and pushed his hood back, revealing his damp face.

“You shouldn’t look at the light. You’ll get flash burns,” he said.

“Where did you learn to weld?”

“My dad taught me.” He wiped his sweaty face with the back of his arm. I noticed he had a six-inch hunting knife sheathed in a light brown leather holster attached to his belt.

“What’s that?” I asked stupidly.

“A knife.”

“What for?”

He smirked. “Cutting things.”

I just couldn’t imagine being with a man who welded fences and cut things. That might sound stupid, but it took Stephen three days to put together a piece-of-shit IKEA desk. He had to ask the super of our building what an Allen wrench was—just another reason the super couldn’t stand him. Stephen didn’t even own a pair of jeans. He got manicures and pedicures at the same nail salon as I did. But he was educated and business savvy—he had that going for him. Yet so did Jamie, it seemed. There was nothing businesslike about Jamie, but there was something mysterious and uniquely brilliant about him. He was the best of both worlds. In my tiny, thirty-second fantasy, as I stood there staring at his knife, I imagined him fighting off wild beasts with it. Shirtless.