“He doesn’t scare me.”

“He’ll kill you,” she said. “Now stop annoying me.”

“Margaret, I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t help it. I think about you every minute. I can’t help it. I can’t help it.” He began weeping, and she heard his sobs, and her lashes fluttered, and a bewildered look came into her eyes. Her hand was sweating on the receiver.

“Stop it,” she said.

“I can’t help it.”

“Stop crying. I can’t stand it. Are you a man, or what are you?”

“Margaret, how can you forget what happened? How can you—?”

“I want to forget! Stop calling me!”

“Margaret, I have to call you. I have to hear your voice, just—”

“Stop it, stop it!”

She thought for a moment that she’d spoken too loudly. She whirled toward the living room, but Don and his mother were still talking together.

“I’m hanging up now,” she said coldly.

“No! Don’t! If you do, I’ll call you back. The minute you hang up, I’ll call again.”

“Are you crazy? What’s the matter with you? I told you he’s home.”

“I don’t care. When can I see you?”

“Never!” she said, and she hung up and then fell against the counter. She put her hand to her mouth, biting her knuckles, her eyes squeezed shut tightly. Nothing ever ends, she thought. You pay and you pay. In the other room, she could hear Mrs. Gault’s laughter, and the laughter infuriated her. She leaned against the counter and waited, her teeth clamped into the flesh on her hand. She expected the phone to ring, but when it did, it nonetheless startled her.

She debated answering. But if she didn’t, Don would surely come into the kitchen. Nothing ever ends, she thought, and she picked up the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Margaret—”

She slammed the phone down, kept her hand on it as if that added finality to the gesture. In the living room, she could hear the muffled sound of television voices and the accompanying infuriating laughter of her husband and his mother. She watched the clock. Five minutes passed. Her breathing was even now. She looked at her hand and saw the white marks where her teeth had pinched the flesh. She sighed heavily and then went back into the living room. Her mother-in-law was still talking about a boy named Sammy. Don, sitting at her feet, looked up when Margaret entered the room.

“Who was that, hon?” he asked.

“Betty Anders,” she said.

12

The radio pushed a rock-and-roll ballad into the girls’ bedroom, adding to the fever of preparation. For this Wednesday night alone, Mrs. Harder had broken her stringent rule forbidding anything but weekend dates. Apparently Lois’s engagement was an important one, and since Linda had found a beau for that night too, the law had been temporarily revoked.

Lois was an active, nervous dresser. She could not sit still or lie still for a moment. Even brushing her hair, as she did now, she stood before the mirror and her feet tapped a constant jig in time to the radio music. Linda sat at the dressing table applying lipstick to her mouth, watching her sister’s gyrations.

“Can I or can’t I?” Lois asked.

“If Mama heard that, she’d flip,” Linda said.

Lois put her hands on her hips and assumed an expression of extreme patience. Standing in her half-slip and bra, she looked full-breasted and narrow-waisted, quite womanly except for the childish petulance of her face.

“Mama would flip if she heard you say ‘flip,’ too.” Patiently, she corrected herself. “May I or may I not wear the tan belt?”

“You may,” Linda said. “Mama’s always flipping about something or other. Did you notice that?”

“It’s change of life,” Lois said knowingly.

“Do you think so?”

“Certainly. When you get as old as Mama, your organs get all mixed up, and everything bothers you.” She began stroking her hair viciously. “I’d like a cigarette,” she said. “Do you have any?”

“If you’re going to smoke, go to the john.”

“She knows, anyway,” Lois said. “Every time she goes in there, she damn near chokes on the smoke. You’d think she’d loosen up and say ‘Go ahead, kids, smoke.’ But not Mama.” Lois shook her head. “She’s silly about some things.”

“Eve wasn’t allowed to smoke until she was eighteen,” Linda said.

“Eve’s a different generation,” Lois answered. “Besides, I’ll bet she smoked, too.”

“Not in the house.”

Lois was searching through Linda’s bag. When she found the cigarettes she lighted one instantly, went to the window, opened it, and stood there puffing feverishly.

“I don’t know why you’re dating MacLean,” she said suddenly. “He’s a spook.”

“He doesn’t seem like one.”

“He is. I’ve dated him, and I know. He’s a spook.”

“Well,” Linda said, and she shrugged.

“Where’s he taking you?”

“To a movie.”

“That’s about his speed, all right. He’ll buy you an ice-cream soda later. He’s a big spender, MacLean. He hasn’t got Scotch blood for nothing. Whatever you do, don’t order anything expensive like a banana split or anything. He’ll die right on the spot.”

“He didn’t seem tight.”

“How do you know? You’ve never gone out with him.”

“Just talking to him, I mean.”

“I’ll bet you ten dollars he tells you about his father’s clan, and his kilt. If you want to see him blush, ask him what a Scotchman has under his kilt.”

“Did you?”

“No, but I wanted to. He’s a spook. He doesn’t even know how to kiss.”

“He seems nice,” Linda said.

“Are you going to let him?” She paused. “Kiss you, I mean?”

“Not on the first date. That’s what we decided, didn’t we?”

“Sure, but it seems sort of silly. I think we ought to change it. I think we left out a lot.”

“I think the rules are fine,” Linda said.

“I think we ought to include petting. All the girls do it, Lindy. Seriously. I get awfully tired of pulling hands away.”

“I don’t.”

“Besides, I wonder what it feels like.”

“Lois, Mama wouldn’t—”

“Oh, Mama, Mama! Daddy touches her, doesn’t he?”

“They’re married.”

“Am I saying we should go all the way? Am I saying that?”

“No, but...”

“Well, I think we ought to change the rules. Even if you don’t want to, I’m going to.”

“Do what you want to do,” Linda said.

“Well, what fun is it if you don’t do it, too?” Lois protested. She began pacing the room. “Why are you wearing that dress to a movie?” she asked. “It’s a little dressy, isn’t it?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“It’s pretty low, too. You’ll shock MacLean right out of his kilt in that dress, Lindy. You should see how it looks across your behind.”

“It looks fine,” Linda said. “I looked in the mirror.”

“It looks a little tight to me. If you don’t mind showing your backside to the world, I’m sure I—”

“It’s not tight at all. Mama already let out the seams.”

“I was thinking... Do you know my blue dress?”

“Yes?”

“I was going to wear it tonight. This is my first time out with Alan, you know.”

“Yes, I know.”

“He’s twenty-three, Linda, twenty-three. And this is a Phi Sig party, right at his fraternity house. All his brothers’ll be there.”

“So?”

“So I was going to wear the blue dress. You can’t just go in anything to a Phi Sig party.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I got gook on it. It’s still at the cleaners.” Lois was silent for a moment. “My beige is too severe. And the only other one I have is that green horror with the big bow that makes me look pregnant.”

Linda began laughing.

“Don’t laugh, Sis. Can I wear a sweater and skirt to a Phi Sig party? How can I do that?”

“Well, what else can you do?” Linda asked, still laughing.

“I could wear your dress. If you’d loan it to me.”

“Oh, what a sneak,” Linda said.

“Can I?”

“No.”

“It is too tight, you know. I wouldn’t lie about that.”

“No.”

“Linda, for hell’s sake, this is important!”

“So’s my date with Hank.”

“That spook? Linda, don’t be selfish.”

“I’m not being selfish. I’m all dressed, Lo. He’ll be here any minute.”

“How long would it take you to change?”

“No.”

“You can wear what I was going to wear. The black skirt and my tan cashmere.”

“No.”

“Linda, my cashmere, not just a junky orlon or something.”

“Lois—”

“Lindy, please. Have I asked you for anything recently?”

“No, but—”

“I wouldn’t ask now if this wasn’t such a big thing. Lindy?” She paused. “Lindy?” She paused again. “Please?”

“I’m all dressed.”

“Pretty please?”

“How can I—?”

“Pretty please with sugar on it?”

“Oh, go ahead,” Linda said. “I’ll... Oh, go ahead. Unzip me.”

“I’ll let you wear my pearls,” Lois said happily, unzipping the dress.

“I don’t want your pearls,” Linda said. “I have my own pearls.” She stepped out of the dress and handed it to Lois.

“You’ve got a run,” Lois told her.

“Dammit, that’s all I need.”

“I’ve got a pair of stockings for you,” Lois said generously. She went to the dresser. Over her shoulder, she said, “If Alan tries to pet, I’m going to let him.”

“Do what you want to do,” Linda said.

“Will you?”

“No.”

“With your dress on,” Lois said, “he’ll try it. I know he will.” She handed Linda the stockings. “Here.”