The distinct red spiny shells of rambutan fruits were visible from the top of one of the bags, and she gasped and snatched them close. “For me? Where did you get them?” They didn’t have these at the regular grocery store that was within walking distance of his house.

He smiled slightly. “I had to drive around a little, but I found them in San Jose.”

“All day?” she asked.

“No, not all day.” He ducked his head and laughed a little. Was it her, or did his cheeks redden? “I did some reading.” He removed his glasses and stuck them on the coffee table.

“Thank you,” she said, more touched than she cared to admit, but then she noticed the box inside the second plastic bag. She knew what kind of box that was.

Her eyes went round. If he thought she was having sex with him again after last night, he had a few things to learn. These fruits were coming with her to her room, and she hoped he got ants all over his house. She’d secretly feed them and lure them to his bedroom, so they bit him in his sleep.

Just as she lifted the bowl and bag and unfolded her legs so she could get up, he looked at her directly and said, “I’m sorry.”

The words were so unexpected she didn’t know what to do. She stared at him without blinking.

“I screwed up last night. I didn’t realize — I didn’t know—” He made a frustrated sound and looked down at his knees. “I swear I practiced this, but it’s not coming out right.” His eyes met hers again, determined now. “Last night was my first time.”

She shook her head, not understanding.

“My first time. Ever. With a woman. With anyone.”

“You never …?” she said before her throat dried up.

“I know it’s not a great excuse. I should have prepared ahead of time to make sure I did right by you, but …” His expression softened. “I’m glad it was you.”

She didn’t know how to respond. She’d never dreamed she’d be anyone’s first, and being this guarded man’s first meant something.

“I suppose that’s a selfish thing to say, considering you didn’t like it,” he said, grimacing slightly. “Will you give me another chance? Let me make it up to you?”

She parted her lips to speak, but nothing came out.

“Or have I screwed things up too badly?” When she still couldn’t bring herself to reply, his chest deflated. His lips curved with an almost-there smile, no dimples, and he averted his eyes and came up onto his knees. “I’m going to go to the office. I’ll see—”

“If I give you another chance, what will you do?” she asked.

His eyes searched hers before they dropped to her lips and darkened. “More kissing. A lot more kissing.”

“And then?”

“More touching.”

She shivered as his gaze tracked over her body. “Who gets to touch? Only you?”

His brow creased. “You can touch me if you want.”

“Anywhere?”

He was halfway through a nod when he said, “Except for one place.”

“Your face.”

“Ha, no. You can touch me there. You already have.”

“Then, where?” she asked.

A thinking expression crossed his face. “It’s not important unless you decide to give me another chance. Are you?”

She worried the inside of her lip before she said, “Maybe.”

“How can I help you decide?”

She set her fruit aside and rose to her knees so they were nearly at eye level. “Kiss me like the first time.”

For a suspended moment, he went completely motionless. Then his arms were wrapping around her, drawing her close, his hands tipping her head back. Their lips crushed together, and she gasped as heat arrowed through her. He gentled immediately, like he was afraid to hurt her, and the kisses turned slow, drugging.

She grabbed handfuls of his shirt as she struggled not to touch him, and he pulled back, saying, “Sorry, did I—”

“More.”

He kissed her like she was his whole world, and if she weren’t already kneeling, she would have collapsed to the floor. Grasping at his shirt, she returned each aching press of lips, each stroke of tongue.

They kissed until they were straining against each other on the floor, lips swollen and breathless, and then they kissed more, each lost in the other. When his hand slipped beneath the waistband of her pants, however, she snapped out of her daze, and her entire body tensed. She broke the kiss as a wave of inexplicable panic turned her skin cold.

“What is it?” he asked. His cheeks were flushed, but his eyes watched her with confusion and concern. “Have you changed your mind?”

She shook her head quickly. She wanted this, him. But that was the problem. She’d wanted him from the start, had opened herself up to him over and over, and what had that gotten her?

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

His face creased with something that looked like pain. “Of me?”

She shook her head again. “No, I’m scared you’ll push me away again when I touch you wrong, scared you’ll leave me again.” Against her will, her eyes watered, and tears spilled over. She turned her face away from him and swiped at her eyes with the back of a sleeve, embarrassed now. Even to her own ears, she sounded pathetic.

He cupped her cheek and gently urged her to look at him. “I won’t,” he said in a rough voice. “At least, I’ll try not to.”

She nodded and attempted to smile in response, but it felt off. “I’ll try not to” didn’t sound very convincing.

He surprised her by gathering her tightly fisted hands together and kissing her knuckles. “You did this yesterday, too.” He eased her stiff fingers open, and when he saw the deep grooves her nails had left in her palms, his eyebrows drew together. “No more of this.”

After a brief hesitation, he sat back on his heels and pulled his shirt off, revealing broad expanses of smooth skin stretched over sculpted muscle.

“The place I’m asking you not to touch is …” He took a breath, squared his shoulders, and said, “My bellybutton.”

She couldn’t help it, a smile spread over her mouth and a laugh threatened to escape. “Your bellybutton?”

“Yes, my bellybutton. I know it sounds funny.”

“A little.” She tried to wipe her smile away, but that only made her grin bigger.

“I mean it,” he said with a level gaze. “I can’t stand being touched there. If you try, I might accidentally hurt you. I can’t control my reactions when it comes to that place. I don’t even like thinking about it.”

“I won’t touch you there. I promise. But …” She edged closer to him. “I can touch everywhere else?”

He nodded once. “Yes, as long as—”

“No light touch, I know.”

She lowered a hand toward his chest, and he held still, not making any move to stop her. Before making contact, she withdrew, paused for the span of heart’s beat, and took her shirt off just like he’d done. Like usual, she wasn’t wearing a bra — she hated them — and he consumed her with his gaze, making her feel like the most desired woman in the world. She brought their bodies together from chest to knees, rested her cheek against his shoulder, and gingerly wrapped her arms around him. Holding her breath, she pressed her palms firmly against the hard planes of his back, even though she knew he couldn’t see.

Her heart pounded so hard she could feel her sternum shaking with each beat. This was the first time she’d dared to hug him since she’d crawled into his bed with that nightmare. If he was going to push her away, now was the time.

He didn’t. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her in return, and moment by moment, Esme relaxed into him as the hurt slowly drained out of her.

Eventually, she dared to let her hands roam. She explored his strong shoulders, the swells of his biceps, and everything from the pads of muscle between his shoulder blades down to the twin grooves in the small of his back, and he let her; he trusted her.

Maybe she kissed his neck. And his jaw. His chin. When he turned toward her, their lips met, and sensation sang through her. The kiss started tender but quickly escalated into something intense as they tried to get closer to each other. She could hardly breathe, and she didn’t care.

She boldly stroked him through his pants, loving the way he groaned and kissed her harder. And then it was happening. Hungry hands undid buttons, lowered zippers, pushed cloth down. She touched him there for the first time, loving how deliciously different he was from herself, and he touched her in return. His fingertips searched through damp curls and wet folds and settled there, there, there. She tore open the box he’d bought with trembling fingers and extracted a foil packet.

“No oral sex?” he asked. “The books I read highly recommended it … and I wanted to try.”

It took her a few seconds to figure out what that was, and then her blush grew so hot she could feel heat coming off her body in waves. That was not something she’d ever known, and her grandma certainly wouldn’t approve. The thought of him kissing her between her thighs was outrageous.

And intriguing.

“Later,” she said and urged him to hurry. Once he’d rolled the condom onto his length, she pulled him down onto the floor with her. Their bodies lined up next to each other in that perfect way, and he pressed his cheek to hers like he was savoring being close to her.

“Please, don’t let me make you cry,” he whispered in her ear. “If something is wrong, tell me so I can fix it. Please.”

Her heart squeezed, and she hugged him tight. “I’ll tell you.”

He swallowed once before he shifted his hips, and they came together with broken breaths and a long sigh. Filled with him, she couldn’t help arching up, trying to get closer, until he reached between them and touched her. She clenched tightly around him as heat shimmered outward from the place where his fingertips stroked.