He yawned again and rolled to face the wall. His voice muffled with sleep as he said, “Good. ‘Cause he's got horses and wants to show me how to sit on ‘em."

Damn, caught again.


* * * *

Katherine stood in her nightgown and robe and studied the photos lining the mantle in the living room. A smile tugged at her lips when she spotted the one of she and her dad decked out for fishing. Next to it stood the photo of the first fish she'd ever caught. She laughed at the goofy expression on her six-year old face. The fish looked like a very large minnow, too small for eating, and she'd begged him to let her keep it. He'd given in to her and allowed her to carry it around until all the neighborhood cats started following her. She laughed again until tears formed in her eyes. The fish stank so badly that he took it away from her. They held an elaborate funeral for it so she'd stop crying. She touched her finger to the glass framing the photo and rubbed the smile on her father's face. “I really miss those summer fishing trips, Dad."

She turned from the pictures and gazed out the window at the moonlit star-filled night, wishing she hadn't stopped fishing after her father died. But she couldn't shake the loneliness when she thought about trying to go fishing without him.

The teakettle whistled and she hurried to the kitchen. She prepared two cups of herbal tea. Taking them back to the living room, she placed one on the coffee table beside her mother's chair and rested hers on the carpet.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor, Katherine reviewed the lists they'd worked up earlier for the party and inhaled the tangy scent of honey and lemon as she sipped her tea. She looked up when her mother entered and took a seat. With her legs curled up under her, Grace looked almost exactly as Katherine remember her mother twenty-years ago. At fifty-six, her Mom was still an attractive woman, she realized in mild surprise.

“You want to review these?” Katherine held up the list of invitees to the party.

Her mother nodded. “Oh, yes. We don't have much time, because I doubt Matt will put up with a naked Christmas tree for very long."

They both chuckled. Katherine could already hear his, “You know what?” followed by Jared's attempted rescue.

After reviewing the list of names they'd prepared earlier, she looked at her mother. “Okay, we have a headcount of twenty-five so far.” Instead of smiling, her mother closed her eyes, and her chin quivered. “Mom, what's wrong? If you're too tired, we can do this some other time."

Her mother glanced at the grandfather clock in the corner as it chimed. “Heavens, it's only nine-thirty, child. I'm not tired in the least. My neighbors look forward to this yearly get together, and I'm excited about having them over. I thought we'd do it Tuesday. I know that's only four days from now, but everyone's just waiting for the ‘official date’ so they know when to show up."

“Well, let's hop to it and get this done.” Katherine tore the papers from her notebook, trying not to notice that Jared's name stood out at the top. “I'll leave the lists on the end-table for you to review in case we've forgotten anyone, or you decide you want to change what I'm making for the party."

Katherine glanced at her mother who stared blankly at the window. What was wrong? Was she missing Dad? She looked so far away at times. Her mother couldn't be worried about the expense of the party; Katherine had always paid this for her parents.

“Why don't we do something festive with the tree?” her mother said. “Maybe buy new decorations and follow a classic color scheme of white, gold and cranberry."

Katherine pointed to the five boxes scattered around the living room. “What's wrong with using what we have?"

“What's in those boxes is a hodgepodge of decorations we've bought or made over a time-span of thirty-years. We need a change.” Her mother's eyes filled with tears.

“But it's tradition. I thought you'd want to keep everything the same."

“I understand why you would want that, but it can't ever be the same, dear. That time is gone.” Her mother popped a tissue from the box and wiped her eyes. “The one constant in this house is love. That will always remain."

Tears burned Katherine's eyes as her mother continued. “I appreciate your coming to help early this Christmas, but I'm concerned that you're trying to live in the past, Katherine. Christmas traditions are one thing, but I've often thought you're putting your whole life and Matt's little life on hold, waiting for your lost love to return."

Katherine's pulse raced at the chilling and absurd thought. Paul's love was a farce from the beginning, their divorce a godsend. Loving Matt and keeping their family just the two of them was the only sensible thing to do.

She had herself to blame for her mother believing that she pined for her ex-husband. Thinking Paul loved her, Katherine had married him; later she learned he'd married her to please his parents. She discovered that from the day they said their vows, she'd shared her husband with his mistress. Shamed, she lied to her parents, and to everyone else about the state of her marriage. When it became necessary, she lied about the reason for their divorce. The only ones who knew the truth were she and Paul-and all the women he'd been with. What a secret to share.

“I'm not waiting for Paul,” she whispered.

Standing, her mother walked to the window. With a firm hand, she pulled back the curtain and looked out. “I don't believe you.” She paused. “Will Paul be here this Christmas?"

Katherine hoped Paul would not come and ruin Matt's Christmas. “I don't know if he'll make it or not. Of course, we hope so, but he's very busy."

Her mother turned from the window wearing an angry scowl. “And you're not busy? If Paul took more interest in Matt, I might understand your hope. I would even encourage it, but he can't manage to spend time with his son. I'm worried that you aren't even trying to move on with your life."

Katherine avoided her gaze. “I have moved on. I bought a house, and started a business that has expanded to include three partners.” She looked at her mother. “How can you possibly believe I'm not moving on with my life?"

Her mother narrowed her eyes and stared at her. “That's your physical life, but how have you moved on with your emotional life? How often have you dated since the divorce?"

“I'm raising my son. Right now he's my whole world."

“And what about when Matt grows up and leaves for a life of his own? What life will you have after he's gone?"

She chuckled. “I think I have a little bit of time before that happens."

“Trust me, Katherine. Life flies away like dust in a whirlwind. That time will come before you know it. What's wrong with reaching out for something new? Not only for Matt, but for yourself, for that woman deep inside you."

Katherine gasped and automatically thought of Jared. Was this why her mother kept pushing them together? “Mom, I'm not ready for a relationship, or anything permanent, at least not right now."

“You used to have dreams for yourself, Katherine. Don't you still want a marriage and more babies to hold in your arms?"

She blinked, a single tear fell from her eye, remembering those innocent dreams that had died. “Of course I do, but I need more time.” Maybe forever.

“More time to waste moping for Paul?"

If believing that would keep her mother from matchmaking and throwing Katherine at Jared, what did it hurt to go along with the lie? Hell, Paul didn't want a wife to crimp his style. No danger there. Katherine nodded.

Her mother grew quiet, crossed the room and hugged Katherine.

Rubbing the arms that held her so tenderly, Katherine whispered, “I love you, Mom. I'm calling it a night, I'm beat.” She headed up the stairs with questions zinging through her mind.

Her mother had never talked to her this way. Oh they'd had the normal mother-daughter talk about boys and sex, but nothing like trying to open these old wounds. Maybe she should have confided in her. No why add that burden to her, particularly when she was already still upset. Whatever the reason behind this mother-daughter talk, it had something to do with Mom crying earlier, she knew it.


* * * *

Raised voices filtered to the upper floor through a vent from the living room and woke Katherine from a restless sleep. The pain in Jared's eyes haunted her dreams throughout the night and his words, “Not all moms” echoed in her subconscious. Sitting up, she tried hard to make out the muffled conversation.

Her mother said, “It's almost eleven. Be quiet, or you'll wake Katherine."

A masculine voice quieted, but the words were still plainly audible. “Why can't you go to the party, Grace? Will you tell me why?"

Katherine made her way down the stairs and stood where she could see them, but they didn't notice her. She strained to listen and follow the conversation between her mother and a tall, thin-framed man, dressed in a casual pair of gray slacks and a burgundy pullover.

“Thomas, I told you my daughter's home. Besides, I don't want to leave her alone, and then there's Matt. What would he do if I went to a party?"

“Bring them along. You know they're welcome."

“Katherine wouldn't approve, and I can't ask her."

“You can't stop your life like this either!"

“Thomas, you have to understand-"

He shook his head. “I will never understand."

Katherine entered the living room. The shocked look on her mother's face made her wonder about Thomas. “Where ever the party is, we accept.” She smiled, extended her hand and introduced herself, noting the gray around his temples, the full head of dark hair and his over six-foot frame.