And as he turned again she could see Rosalind. It was as though the girl were dancing to her favourite tune on the edge of a cliff-for she was clearly struggling not to enjoy the waltz, nor her contact with the man who danced with her.
So that was the way it was to be. It pained Elise to think that she had not matched the two long ago, for Rosalind needed a way to escape from her father, and Nick needed a steady hand to hold his. She shook her head at her own folly. Rather than help him she had stood in his way, making it more difficult for him to leave her. How great a fool she was, to realise it now that things had grown so complicated.
But perhaps it would be easier if Tremaine wished a parting as much as she did. At least she would not be obliged to break his heart before returning to Harry. For, after their conversation of the afternoon, she was sure she meant to return-if he would still have her.
She frowned. Had she gained anything by her two months away? She suspected that once she was back in his house, Harry would cease his complaints about her loyalty and drop easily back into the role of affectionate but distant husband. She must learn to tolerate his silences without complaint now he had shown her the reason for them. And she would not trouble him any more with Nicholas, or any other foolish flirtations.
Although Harry had not run to fetch her from London, he had at least admitted, aloud, that he wanted her back. And she knew she wanted to be with him, perhaps even more than she had before. If he was willing to overlook their barren union, then she should count her blessings. Most men would not have bothered to disguise their dissatisfaction with her, or to mask their disappointment in false smiles and silence. Perhaps she should learn to view Harry’s self-restraint as a gift.
She saw Nicholas whisper something to his partner, and the girl started like a frightened fawn. Then she broke from him and left the room.
For a moment Elise thought to go after her, but she saw Nick glance once around the room to see if the other guests had noticed. Then he followed in the girl’s wake.
‘I wonder what has got into Rosalind?’ Harry had come to stand by her side.
‘She is probably overcome with the burden you have forced on her with this party. It was most unfair of you to saddle her with it at so little notice.’ Elise gave him a mildly disapproving look, and then smiled to prove it a joke.
He smiled and answered back, ‘Perhaps it is unfair to my sister to say so, but you would not have had the trouble she has. I have seen you rise to greater challenges than this without faltering. Should we go and see to her, do you think.’ He paused dramatically. ‘But wait. I saw Tremaine go after her. So I needn’t worry. He is very good at taking care of women in distress, is he not?’ His expression was supremely innocent, but he was obviously trying to make her jealous.
‘I have always found him so,’ she answered with an equally blasé look, ignoring the bait. If he did not wish to question her directly about what he had witnessed in the hall, then did she really need to explain it? And then she remembered how he had been in the afternoon. And she responded in kind, ‘Sometimes things are not as they appear.’
He glanced at her, as though surprised at her acknowledgement. And then he gave a small sigh, of fatigue or relief, and said, ‘So I assumed.’
The girl at the piano began another waltz, and he bowed to her, holding out a hand. ‘Will you favour me with a dance?’
When she hesitated, he added, ‘You need not read too much into it. It is only a waltz. I trust Tremaine will not mind if I borrow you for a few moments?’
He was working very hard to appear neutral, but she could see the challenge in his eyes.
So she answered it. ‘It does not matter to me what Nicholas thinks.’ And she took his hand and let him lead her onto the floor.
It felt so good to be back in his arms again that she had to struggle for a moment to keep herself from saying it aloud. Would it be too much, too soon, to admit tonight that she wished to come home? Though a truce had been declared for Christmas Day, she was not sure it would last. And it would serve her right if he wished to toy with her a bit, as punishment for leaving, before accepting her apology.
Her hopes rose when he said, in a carefully polite tone, ‘It is good to dance with you again. Yet another of the many things I’ve missed since you have gone.’
He was willing to make the first move, to make things easier for her. She leaned back to get a better look into his face, surprised at his choice of words. ‘Oh, Harry. You loathed dancing.’
He laughed and shook his head. ‘Not true. I made a great show of loathing it. Because I so liked the things you were willing to do to coax me into it.’
She blushed at the memory of long nights spent in his arms after various balls, and he laughed again.
‘But now I must take what pleasures you will allow, with no more foolish dissembling to gain ground.’ He squeezed her hand, and tightened his fingers on her waist as he spun her around the floor.
She relaxed and let him lead her, enjoying the feel of his strength. Tonight she would do as Nicholas had suggested and open the connecting door between their rooms. And everything would return to the way it was.
‘I shall know better,’ he said, ‘when next I seek a wife.’
She stumbled against him. He was teasing her again. Or did he mean it? She tried to match his tone as she responded, ‘Do you have plans of that nature?’
‘It all depends on what the future holds for us. I shall know if Tremaine is serious about keeping you by his actions this holiday. If he is true to his word, then we shall see about the divorce.’ He paused for a moment. ‘If you still wish for it, that is.’
Here was her chance to admit that her feelings on the subject had changed. She approached the subject elliptically, as he had. ‘I understand,’ she said, ‘that the courts of England are not likely to be co-operative in the matter of a divorce. Once the bonds between two people are set they are not to be easily broken.’
‘That is probably for the best,’ he answered. ‘But there should be some regard to the happiness of the individuals involved. It would not be good to force someone to remain if they were truly unhappy.’
And she had been miserable.
That was why she had left. She had loved him dearly, and still did, but it had not been enough to make a happy marriage. If she came back to him, perhaps for a while she could pretend that his silence didn’t matter to her. She would forgo the companionship of other men so as not to arouse his jealousy, and she would learn to speak around the things that were most important to her, so as not to upset the delicate balance between them. But if it was to be just the two of them, alone until death?
‘We are not likely to have any children,’ she blurted, unable to avoid the truth a moment longer.
He tensed. ‘Are they necessary for a happy union?’
‘I assumed, when you offered for me, that they must be a primary concern to you. There is the title to consider, after all.’
‘Well, yes, of course.’ He glanced around them. ‘I just choose not to discuss it in the middle of a crowded ballroom.’
She all but forgot the promise she had made to herself to be patient with his reticence. Once she came home she might never get a second chance to say what she needed to. ‘No, Harry. You choose not to speak of it at all. You have left me to guess your opinions on the matter.’
‘We are speaking of it now, aren’t we?’ He lowered his voice, hoping that she would follow suit.
She looked from her husband to the people around them. ‘I know. It is the wrong venue, if we do not want our problems known to all of London. But at least I know that you cannot walk away in the middle, before you have heard what I mean to say.’ She took a deep breath. ‘In daylight, you treat me like a child if I wish to discuss matters of importance. But at night it is clear that you know I’m a grown woman, for you do not wish to talk at all. You visit me regularly enough. But I assume that you are hoping for a result from those visits. It must be gravely disappointing to you.’
She felt his spine stiffen. And suddenly it was as though she were dancing with a block of wood. ‘I was under the impression that you enjoyed sharing a bed with me.’
‘I never said I did not.’
He began to relax again, and his fingers tightened on her waist in a way that offered a return to intimacy should she be inclined.
She continued. ‘But, pleasurable or not, I am beginning to think that nothing will come of it.’
‘Nothing.’ He grew stiff and cold again. ‘And I suppose you think you will do better with someone else? Is this one more way that you believe Tremaine to be my superior?’
‘I did not say that.’ For she was not the one that needed an heir.
‘But neither are you denying it.’ He stopped dancing and released her. ‘Go to him, then, and see if it is better. It is obvious that I have nothing that you want. And I certainly cannot buy you children.’ Then he turned and left her alone on the floor.
Rosalind leaned against the closed door of the library and felt the breath come out of her in a great, choking sob. She had done an excellent job controlling her emotions, in regard to Tremaine. And now it was all collapsing. It had taken years to convince herself that her first response to him had been the result of alcohol and inexperience. She had been sure that if she met him again she would find him no different from a hundred other town bucks. He would be no more handsome, no quicker to take advantage of a foolish girl, than if he were a man of better character.
But in comparison to the other men of her experience he was still perfection: sharp-witted, urbane and funny. And at such moments as he chose to turn his attention upon her he was no easier to resist than he had been that first day. And when they danced…
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