“I was so unhappy. I used to go down to the stream which divides the Dower House from Oakland and I’d stare at the cool shallow water. I thought a lot about my life then, and the belief came to me that I should never see Desmond again, for since he would never have deserted me, he must be dead. The conviction was so strong that as I sat there by the stream it was as though the waters beckoned to me. It was as though Desmond himself was asking me to come and join him. The only solution could be that he was dead, for if he was not, why had he disappeared? Of one thing I was , certain: he would never have gone away and left me. There was one answer only, someone had stolen the opal and laid the blame on him. They had killed him perhaps that he might appear to be the thief. I knew no one else would believe this, I but my conviction was strong. He would never come back. That was why he called me to the stream because he wanted me to be with him.

“My presence in the Dower House was bringing more and more unhappiness there. My mother was blaming my father more than she ever had before.

I tried to think of what my life would be like because I was never going to see Desmond again on this Earth. The servants all loved the baby . everybody loved her . except Mama, and I don’t think she ever loved anybody. So I used to sit by the stream and think of all the trouble I had brought the family and how much better they would be without me. Even the baby would be better off, because as she grew up the reproaches would go on. It would be better for her not to know that her mother had brought disgrace on the family, and while I was there Mama would always continue to regard me with contempt “I dreamed then of lying face downwards in that cool water, and when I did I experienced a perfect peace. I couldn’t talk about it to anyone but Hannah. She knew the whole story, but she was very discreet. She told me that they talked about it in the servants’ hall at Oakland and although they had considered the possibility of the baby’s being mine and not my mother’s, they weren’t sure about it. Even Mrs. Bucket was of the opinion that Mama would never have lent herself to such a thing and that it was a well-known fact that women getting on in years often ” got caught” when they least expected it, and her Aunt Polly had been just like that … feeling not up to the mark and the doctors not being sure what was wrong … and then all of a sudden she’s pregnant and the baby almost ready to be born.

“I didn’t tell them different,” said good, kind Hannah, “A few weeks passed and I was still going to sit by the stream. When I talked to Hannah about what I felt she cried out: ” It’s wrong. You mustn’t think like that. ” I said: ” It might be for the best. The baby would be all right. They’ll care for her. It’s better for me not to be there. “

“Perhaps you could go away for a while,” suggested Hannah.

“Time’s not important,” I said.

“It’s now that counts. Perhaps in twenty years I could look back at all this and find it tolerable, but it’s not twenty years from now. It’s now, and I’ve got to live through a lot before twenty years passes.” Hannah said: “If you were to do away with yourself they couldn’t bury you in consecrated ground.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“I tell you they won’t if you were to … do that. It’s a law, I think, a law of the Church. They bury people at the cross-roads or some other place … never in consecrated ground in the churchyard.”

I thought about that quite a lot, but I continued to go down to the stream, and one day I shall go down there and not come back. I think of you, my daughter, growing up, and I wonder what they will tell you about me . and your father . and that is why I have decided to write so that you can know the truth as I saw it. And that is the real truth, Opal. So I sit by the stream and write and as I sit here the past comes vividly back to me. You see, you must know what happened and how it happened. I shall give this to Hannah, and she will give it to you when the time comes. It may be that the time will never come and that I shall tell you the story myself.

Today I am giving this to Hannah so this will be the last I shall write to you.

“Goodbye, little Opal. May God bless you and one day you will discover the truth about your father. I promise you there will be nothing to discredit him. One last word, my dear little daughter, if I should not be there when you grow up and if I am, you will not have read this-never let anyone say a word against him. Perhaps one day you will be the one to discover the truth.”

I stared ahead of me. I was seeing it all so clearly.

Then I went and knelt by her grave and when I touched my cheeks I found that they were wet, although I had not known that I was weeping.

I did not appear at dinner that evening because I could not face them.

I was thinking of them as different people; I was seeing them all so much more dearly than I ever had before. I was angry with them. They drove her to it, I thought. If they had been kinder to her, she would have been alive today and I should have had a mother. How miserable she must have been! I wanted to storm at them every one of them; my poor ineffectual father my grandfather in fact; my proud unloving grandmother (how glad I was that she was not after all my mother); Miriam, who always had to have her mind made up for her; and Xavier with his negative kindness, so remote that he had not done anything to save her.

I feigned a headache and when Miriam came to see me I closed my eyes and turned away. The next day I saw Hannah who, I think, had been watching for me. “So you read it. Miss Jessica?” she said. I nodded. Tell me what happened afterwards. “

They found her in the stream. She was lying face downwards. The water was quite shallow. It just washed over her. “

“And they buried her there,” I said, pointing to the Waste Land.

“Reverend Grey was very strict about it. They don’t bury suicides in consecrated ground.”

“How cruel!” I cried.

“I’ll make it consecrated ground! She was good and meant no harm to anyone. I shall clear her grave and grow plants on it and keep them watered.”

“Best not. Miss.”

“Why not ? She was my mother.”

“I knew you’d take it bad. She wouldn’t have Wanted that. She wouldn’t have wanted you to know, if it was going to make trouble.”

Tell me exactly what happened, Hannah. “

They found her there and buried her quietly; That’s all. People didn’t speak of it . much. They said she’d always been different from the rest of the family. It was put about that she’d fallen in love and that he had gone away. Her heart was broken and she, being young, had thought there was nothing left to live for. I always put flowers on her grave at Easter time. “

Thank you, Hannah. Did anyone suspect I was her child? “

“If they did, it wasn’t said. It was accepted that you were an ” afterthought”. It happens that way sometimes, and Miss Jessica was drowned some time after your birth. It was a hot July day I remember.”

She turned away, her lips quivering. They’d only been home a few weeks so people said it was someone she’d met in Italy. It was the last day in July, and you were born on the first of June . so that tells how old you were . nothing but a baby, little knowing what your coming had cost. “

“How she must have suffered! You must have known my father. Tell me about him.”

“He seemed such a nice young gentleman. Tall, with a pleasant face. He was quite a favourite with Mr. Henniker at one time. Then of course he couldn’t say anything bad enough. I shall never forget the day…”

Tell me everything, Hannah, just everything. “

“It began like an ordinary sort of day. We took the hot water up to the guests, and one of the maids came down and said, ” Mr. Dereham’s not in his room. His bed’s not been slept in and all his things have gone. ” We said it couldn’t be, but it was, of course. And then Mr. Henniker found his precious opal was missing, and it seemed only natural that he’d taken it with him. “

“But it wasn’t so, Hannah. You know it wasn’t.”

That’s how your mother used to talk, but he was gone and so was the opal. “

“She knew he hadn’t taken it’ She was in love with him.”

She would never have fallen in love with a thief “Love don’t take account of such dungs.”

“I know it wasn’t true.”

There again . you’re talking just like your mother. I never thought she’d do it. I would have found some way of stopping her. She told me he’d come to her in a dream and said he loved her and he never would have left her in this life.

“Come to me,” he said in this dream.

“Come to me by the stream. Only death could keep me from you.” It was after that she made up her mind, I’m sure. She was certain he was dead. They would be together now. forever. “

“She should have lived to prove his innocence.”

“But she had these strange fancies and she thought he was calling her to come to him.”

“I wish I could find out the truth, Hannah, and discover what really happened to that opal.”

“Bless you. Miss, there has been them that’s tried to find it these many years. I reckon Mr. Henniker has never given up the search. And you think you’re going to be the one! You just don’t know anything about these things. You’ve only just learned how you came into the world!”

“But he’s my father. She’s my mother. Don’t you see that makes all the difference.”

Hannah shook her head sadly.

Although I could not talk to my family about the tragedy, I could do so to Ben, and at our next meeting I blurted out:

“I know about my mother and father and that you think he stole the Green Flash opal.”