Виктория Холт - The Queen`s Confession

We stood outside the door but the aunts went inside; we could hear the tones of the priests and the King’s responses; and we could see through the open door that Holy Viaticum was being given to him.

The Cardinal de la Roche Aymon then came to the door and said to all who were assembled outside:

“Gentlemen, the King instructs me to tell you that he asks God’s pardon for his of fences and the scandalous example be has set his people, and that if his health is restored to him he will devote himself to repentance, to religion, and the welfare of his people.”

As I listened I knew that the King had given up all hope of life, for while he lived he would cling to Madame du Barry, and what he had said meant that he had dismissed her for the time that was left to him.

I heard him say in a slurred voice so different from the clear and musical tones which had enchanted me on my arrival:

I wish I had been strong enough to say that myself

That was not the end. It would have been better if it had been. But there were a few days of horror left. My fastidious grandfather ! I hope he did not know what happened to the handsome body which had once charmed so many. Putrefaction set in before death and I heard that the stench from the bedchamber was horrible. Servants who must wait on him retched and fainted in that room of horror. His body was blackened and swollen, but he could not die.

Adelaide and her sisters refused to leave him. They performed the most menial tasks; they were with him throughout the days and nights, and they were on the verge of exhaustion, but still they would not allow anyone to take their places.

My husband and I were not permitted to go near the sickroom, but we must remain at Versailles until the King was dead.

As soon as he expired we should leave Versailles with all speed, for the place was a hotbed of infection. Already some of the people who had crowded in the Oeil du Boeuf when the King had been brought over from the Trianon had taken sick and died. In the stables everything was c? ready for us. We were to leave for Choisy the moment the King died; but etiquette insisted that we be at Versailles until that moment. In one of the windows a candle was burning; and this was meant to be a signal. When the flame was snuffed out that would be a sign to all that the King’s life was over. i) My husband had taken me to a small room and there we y sat in silence. ‘:j Neither of us spoke. He had imbued me with his sense of foreboding. He had always been serious, but never quite so much as at this time. And then suddenly as we sat there we heard a great tumult. We half rose, looking at each other. We had no idea what it could be. There were voices—raised, shouting, it seemed—and this overwhelming clamour. The door was flung open suddenly. People were running in, surrounding us.

Madame de Noailles was the first to reach me. She knelt and taking my hand kissed it.

She was calling me: “Your Majesty.”

Now I understood; I felt the tears rushing to my eyes. The King was dead; my poor Louis was King of France and I was the Queen.

They pressed in on us as though it were a joyful occasion. Louis turned to me and I to him.

He took my hand and spontaneously we knelt together.

We are too young,” he whispered; and we seemed to be praying together:

“Oh God, guide us, protect us. We are too young to govern!“

As soon as the King was dead there was no reason why anyone should remain any longer at Versailles. Our carriage had been waiting for days so there was nothing to delay us. We were to leave at once for Choisy.

The aunts, in view of the fact that they had been in close contact with the late King and were therefore undoubtedly infectious, were to live in a house by themselves as it was considered of the greatest importance that my husband should remain in good health.

We were all very solemn as we rode away from Versailles. In our carriage were Provence and Artois with their wives, and we said very little. I kept reminding myself that I should never see my grandfather again and that now I was a Queen. We were all truly grief-stricken, and it would have needed very little to set us all sobbing. Louis was the most unhappy of us all and I remembered that remark of his about feeling that the universe was about to fall upon him. Poor Louis ! He looked as though it were already falling.

But in truth how superficial our grief was! We were all so young.

Nineteen is very young to be a Queen and a frivolous one at that.

Perhaps I make excuses; but I could never sustain an emotion for long particularly grief. Marie Therese made some comment and her odd pronunciation set my lips twitching. I looked at Artois he was smiling too. We couldn’t help it. It seemed so funny. And then suddenly we were laughing. It may have been hysterical laughter, but it was laughter none the less; and after that the solemnity of death seemed to have receded.

They were busy days at Choisy, particularly for Louis. He had put on new stature, was more dignified and, although modest, he had the air of a King. He was so earnestly eager to do what he believed to be right, so deeply conscious of his great responsibility.

I wished that I had been cleverer so that I could have been of some use to him; but I did immediately think of the Due de Choiseui, who should be recalled. He had been a friend of mine and a friend of Austria and I was certain that my mother would wish me to use my influence with my husband to have him brought back.

It was indeed a new man I discovered at Choisy, for when I mentioned the Due de Choiseui a stubborn expression crossed his face.

I never cared for the fellow,” he said.

“He was responsible for making our marriage.”

He smiled at me tenderly.

“That would have come about without him.”

“He is very clever, I have heard.”

“My father did not like him. There was a rumour that he was involved in his death.”

“Involved in your father’s death, Louis? But how?”

“He poisoned him.”

“You can’t believe that! Not of Monsieur de Choiseui I’ ” At least he failed in his duty to my father. ” He smiled at me.

“You should not concern yourself with these matters.”

“I want to help you, Louis.” 

But he just smiled. I heard that he had once said: “Women taught me nothing when I was young. All that I learned was from men. I have read little history but I have learned this mistresses and even lawful wives have often ruined states. “

He was too kind to say this directly to me, but he held firmly to this belief.

The aunts, however, had some influence with him. Although they occupied a separate establishment they were allowed to visit us, which they did. They could tell the King so much of the past, they said; and he seemed to believe them, for he listened.

There was much coming and going between Choisy and Paris. Everyone was wondering how much influence the aunts would have with the new King, how much influence I should have, and whom the King would choose for his mistress. That made me want to laugh. Had they forgotten that a wife was too much of a burden for the King, let alone a mistress? That reminded me, of course, that our distressing and perplexing problem would now be more pressing than ever.

Louis at the moment was concerned with choosing a man who could advise him in the conduct of affairs, and he believed that he needed someone of great experience to make up for his own lack. His first thought was for Jean Baptist d’Arouville Machault, who had been Comptroller General of Finances until the antagonism of Madame de Pompadour had brought him down. He was certainly experienced, and it was due to the schemes of the King’s mistress that he had fallen all of which endeared him to Louis, who wrote summoning him to Choisy, for he was very eager to begin working for his country.

While he was writing the letter the aunts arrived, and I was with my husband when they were announced. Adelaide declared that she had come at once to her dear nephew’s aid, for she was sure she could give the information he must be in need of.

“You see, dear Berry … Ha, I must not say Berry now, Your Majesty. I have lived so long and so close to your grandfather … and I know so much that can be of use to you.” She included me in her anile and I was so full of admiration for the manner in -which she nursed her father that I felt a rush of affection for her.

“You are sending for Machault. Oh no … no … no …* She put her ear close to the King’s and whispered, ” Maurepas. Maurepas is the man. “

“Is he not somewhat old?”

Ah, Your Majesty is somewhat young. ” She laughed shrilly.

“That is what makes it such an excellent arrangement. You have the vigour and vitality of youth. He has the experience of age. Maurepas,” she whispered.