On this particular day I was undressed waiting for my undergarments to be handed to me and was just about to take them from the maid of honour when the door opened and the Duchesse d’Orleans came in. Seeing what was happening she took off her gloves and, receiving the garment from the maid of honour, handed it to me; but at that moment the Comtesse de Provence appeared.

I sighed deeply, my irritation rising. There was I without my clothes, already delayed by the Duchesse d’Orleans, and now here was my sister-in-law, who would be deeply affronted if anyone but herself put on my clothes. I handed her the garment, folded my hands across my breasts and, with an expression of resignation, waited, grateful for only one thing:

there could not be a lady of higher rank than my sister-in-law to come and repeat this stupid performance.

Marie Josephe, seeing my impatience and that I was cold, did not stop to remove her gloves but put the shift over my head and knocked my cap off while doing so.

I could not contain myself.

“Disgraceful!” I muttered.

“How tiresome!”

Then I laughed to hide my irritation; but I was more determined than ever to put my foot through their silly etiquette. I understood that it was probably necessary on certain state occasions, but to carry it to these lengths was quite ridiculous.

Thus I revelled in bringing Rose Benin into my private apartments where no tradesman had been admitted before. And I spent more and more time at the Trianon.

The really great ceremony of the day was that of dressing my hair.

Naturally I employed the best hairdresser in Paris, which probably meant in the world. Monsieur Leonard was as important a personage in his way as Rose Bertin was in hers. Every morning he drove to Versailles from his establishment in Paris to dress my hair, and people used to come out to watch him in his splendid carriage drawn by six horses. No wonder there was growing discontent about my extravagance. As Rose Bertin invented new fashions for me alone, he invented new hair styles. My high forehead had been a cause of complaint years before, but now styles were worn to suit high foreheads, and hair styles gradually became more and more fantastic.

The hair was stiffened with pomades and made to stand straight up from the head then padded with hair of the same colour; as far up as eighteen inches from the forehead. Monsieur Leonard would then begin his original creation. He would create fruit, birds, even ships and landscape scenes with artificial flowers and ribbons.

My appearance was a constant topic of conversation throughout Versailles and Paris; it was written and joked about, while my extravagances were deplored.

Mercy, of course, was reporting; but my mother did not need him, to learn about this.

She wrote reprovingly:

I cannot refrain from commenting on a subject which many newspapers have brought to my notice. I mean your manner of hairdressing. I gather that from the roots on the forehead it rises as much as three feet and on top of that are feathers and ribbons. “

I replied that the lofty head-dresses were fashionable and that no one in the world thought them in the least strange.

She wrote back:

“I have always held that it is well to be in the fashion but one should never be outre in one’s dress. Surely a good-looking Queen, blessed with charm, has no need of such foolishness. Simplicity of attire enhances these gifts, and is much more suitable to exalted rank. Since as Queen you set the fashion, all the world will follow you when you do these foolish things. But I, who love my little Queen and watch her every footstep, must not hesitate to warn her of her frivolity.”

There was a different tone in my mother’s letters these days. She warned; she did not command; and constantly she was telling me that she advised me through her great love for me.

I should have paid more attention to her; but it was so long since I had seen her, and even her influence was beginning to wane. I no longer trembled at the sight of her handwriting; after all, if she was an Empress, I was the Queen—and the Queen of France. I was a woman now and could act as I pleased. I Continued to consult with Rose Benin; my dress bills were of enormous proportions and my hair styles grew more preposterous each day.

Moreover Artois and his cousin Chartres were encouraging me to gamble. We played faro, at which it was possible to lose a great deal of money. The money which the King gave me to pay my debts each week all seemed to go at the gambling table.

I had no sense of money; all I had to do was scribble “Payez’ on the bills which were presented to me and let my servants deal with the matter.

My husband was too indulgent. I think he understood that driving passion not to be bored, not to stop and think, and blamed himself for it. Always he must have been conscious of the shadow of the scalpel which he could not bring himself to face. He paid my debts and never lectured me; but he did try to curtail the gambling not for me only, but for the whole Court.

But what excited me more than anything more than clothes, gambling, dancing and hair styles were diamonds. How I loved those gorgeous sparkling stones; and they became me as no others did. They were cold yet full of fire; and I was too. I never once allowed a young man to be alone with me; I was frigid, it was said; but beneath the frigidity there was a brilliant fire which like a diamond could flash in certain circumstances.

I had many jewels some I had brought from Austria, and then there was the casket my grandfather had given me for a wedding present but a new jewel could always fascinate me. If the people grumbled at my extravagance, at least the tradespeople were delighted. The Court jewellers, Boehmer and Bassenge, who had come to France from Germany, were as delighted with me as Rose Bertin and Leonard were. They would present their beautifully-set stones to me, looking so delicious in their satin-and-velvet cases that I found them altogether irresistible. When they showed me a pair of diamond bracelets I was fascinated by them and I did not think of the price until I had decided I must have them.

This brought protests from my mother. I hear that you have bought bracelets which have cost two hundred and fifty thousand livres, with the result that you have thrown your finances into disorder and are in debt. This deeply disturbs me, particularly when I con template the future. A Queen degrades herself by decking herself out in this ostentatious manner, and still more so by lack of thrift. I know how extravagant you can be, and I cannot keep quiet about this matter because I love you too well to flatter you. Do not lose through your frivolous behaviour the good name you acquired when you arrived in France. It is well known that the King is not extravagant, so blame will rest on you. I hope I shall not live to see the disaster that will ensue unless you change your ways. ” The warning continued, for news of my gambling debts bad reached her.

Gambling is without doubt one of the worst pleasures. It attracts bad company and provokes gossip. Let me beg of you, my dear daughter, do not give way to this passion. Let me beg of you to stop this habit.

If I do not hear that you accept this advice I shall be forced to ask the King’s help in this matter so that I may save you from greater misfortune. I know too well what consequences will ensue, and you will lose caste not only with the people of France, but abroad also which will distress me deeply, for I love you so tenderly. “

I wanted to please her and tried to for a while, but soon I was slipping back into the old ways. When Mercy reproached me I answered:

“I do not think my mother can understand the difficulties of life here.”

I think he, who was closer at hand, did, as did the Abbe Vermond.

Perhaps this made them a little less severe in condemning my follies.

The Trianon was a delight. I was laying out the gardens afresh with the help of the Prince de Ligne, who had made for himself one of the loveliest gardens in France at Bel Oeil. There was a fashion for everything English at this time. Frenchmen tried to dress like Englishmen in long coats cut close and thick stockings, with stock hats not at Court of course, where they were most elaborately attired, but we noticed this in the streets of Paris. Signs were hung outside shops:

“English spoken here’; lemonade-sellers now sold punch, and everyone was drinking Ie the. Artois had introduced horse-racing to France and I often went with him to the races. It was another excuse for gambling. So of course I must have an English garden at the Trianon. I was planning a little temple in the gardens which was to surround an exquisite statue of Eros by Bouchardon. I decided on Corinthian pillars about the statue and I would call it the Temple of Love. It became clear to me that the Prince de Ligne was in love with me; and I was sad about this because I enjoyed his company so much and I dared not allow that friendship to develop.

My feeling for him must have been noticed, for my mother wrote and said that she thought it wrong that he should spend so much time in Versailles, so I told him to join his regiment for a while and then come back. I was surprised bow sorry I was that he must go away.

But it was clear to me that I had to be careful.

Mercy came to me-and spoke to me Severely. I had made many new friends; I was constantly in their company. They seemed to him to be people of questionable morals. Was I being wise?

I looked at him slyly, because I knew that he had a mistress, an opera singer, Mademoiselle Rosalie Levasseur; he had lived with her for years, and although theirs was a very respectable relationship, as far as it could be in the circumstances, it was one without benefit of clergy.