He held her securely against him, his arm heavy across her shoulders. She listened to him breathing, deep and even. She watched him sleeping. With his eyes closed, the life force tucked away behind his eyelids, he looked so innocent and vulnerable. In the moment, he was content. But she wasn’t. Something was missing. It was as obvious as the ring on her finger and the obligation she felt in committing to him.

He hadn’t indulged in his kink this evening. Instead he had treated her like glass, fragile and with great care, despite his size and hunger. And because of it, her climax had been forced and unsatisfying and she couldn’t quite release. She was sidetracked with waiting for it, anticipating it. Her nuances toward it were met with adoration until she had no choice except to respond. Chase Walker really did have total control over both her body and her mind. The balance was no longer even; maybe it never had been.

Because it meant she wanted it: the sting, the tears, and the dominance more than he needed to inflict it.

Translation: The flaw wasn’t his, but hers. From the first moment she met him, she had unconsciously set out to provoke him, until she finally succeeded. She had tuned in to his vibe, or whatever he called it, all the while labeling it his shortcoming. She wasn’t putting up with it; she was participating in it. And if that was true, that meant he had no flaws. If he had no flaws, then he really was perfect.

Perfect, a word Amanda learned didn’t pertain to her. She wasn’t allowed perfection. She was supposed to strive for it and then settle for everything just short of it. He was able to be all the wonderful things he was as long as she could rationalize that she was accommodating the one need in him he had a reason to be uncomfortable with. Once again, as soon as she began to view her life as a dream, it started resembling more of a nightmare. She hugged him tighter, afraid that with that realization he would disappear, or the roof would come crashing down and kill him and he’d be gone. In the stillness of the moonlit room, her mind began racing, and she began to shiver.

“You cold?” Chase murmured drowsily in response to it, reaching to pull the blanket up to better cover her.

“A little,” she said, cursing that he was such a light sleeper. He could grab a fifteen-minute power nap, usually in a car or a plane, and not only be fully alert, but have the nerve to wake up looking refreshed. She prayed he would fall back asleep until she talked herself down. Hysterical drama was not how one was supposed to follow up a marriage proposal. But this would be about the time she would set herself up for the fall. In retrospect, she was surprised it hadn’t happened already. Amanda squeezed her eyes shut tight, but tears slipped from between her lashes, falling onto his chest. As soon as he heard her tiny sniffle, he awoke fully.

“Baby, are you crying?” Chase asked, his voice laden with concern. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, you didn’t hurt me.” She sniffled again. And that’s the problem.

He waited, readjusting the pillows before settling them back down. His hand reassuringly stroked her back and he quietly asked, “Then what? Bad dream?”

She could’ve lied and told him that she was overwhelmed with their engagement, but he detested lying and caught her every time she tried. “I noticed that we didn’t do . . . that . . . thing we do,” she choked out between fresh tears.

If she wasn’t so upset, he would’ve started laughing. But he still couldn’t keep from smiling. He began to sit back up, grabbing hold of her arm. “You want me to spank you? Come here, we’ll take care of that right now.”

He waited for her to play along, but she didn’t. “No.”

It wasn’t the word itself that stopped him. Occasionally, while being particularly rambunctious and belligerent, she would say it ten times in a row. It was the way she said it. It was his job to know the difference. He let go of her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

When she didn’t answer, Chase adopted the tone. “Amanda, if you don’t start talking to me, I’m going to give you something to cry about.”

She couldn’t tell if he was serious or just putting on the show. And then she couldn’t decide which of the two choices she wanted to be the truth more.

“It’s a pretty big night for us. I just sort of expected it.”

“Well.” The tone fell by the wayside and was replaced with a chuckle. “There’s no real furniture here. I know you like those big production numbers.”

She was grateful it was too dark for him to see her blush—something after all this time he still had the capacity to make her do. It was the buildup, the banter, and the threats that made for the excitement. She never confessed that to him, but he instinctively knew. And he seemed to enjoy bending her over couches, chairs, and counters almost as much as he did his knee. She had convinced herself that she was doing all of it for his benefit. His teasing served only to remind her that somewhere along the line, it had become more important to her than it was him. Even if it had crossed his mind, he decided against it, because he had the self-control she lacked. Her chin began to tremble and her voice shook. “This isn’t supposed to be about me.”

“You’re right, it’s not about you,” he agreed. “It’s about us.”

This time he pulled gently on her arm, but it was to bring her to him and she began to cry in earnest. Amanda knew that he wasn’t going to let the matter drop until he got the answer he was looking for, which was why she was suddenly so emotional. Chase held her head in his hands and brushed her tears away with his thumbs before kissing her. He lay back down, bringing her with him

“Remember our rule? You’re not allowed to withdraw from me on this topic. Please tell me,” he commanded into the darkness. And as she continued to weep from the safety of his arms, she spilled it all. The theory of the fatal flaw, the fact she wasn’t supposed to have a happy ending but a comfortable, mediocre one and the deep-rooted desire for him to manhandle her while telling herself she was making a sacrifice.

Chase listened until she was finished, her speech ending with an all-cried-out sigh.

“Why does it have to be interpreted as a flaw in either of us?” he asked. “Why does this have to be anything more than a case of two people with the same tastes who were lucky enough to have found each other?”

“But I don’t even do it right,” she said, her voice still shuddering from her jag.

“There’s a right way to do this?” He laughed.

Amanda pulled away from him and sat up, running her hands through her hair. Most of the time, his easygoingness was a treasure, but not now, when she was troubled and full of self-doubt. “You just don’t get it,” she muttered.

This time he didn’t join her, but settled onto his side and propped himself up on a bent elbow. “What? That you love the action, but are bashful about the word? That instead of asking for what you want, you prefer to try to trap me into it?”

“I’m thinking about it all the time. And I’m the walking definition of topping from the bottom,” she confessed.

Chase didn’t need any light to tell she was truly distraught.

“Of course you are. That’s what makes it all so fabulous for me,” he said proudly. “You’re a strong, independent woman who’s fallen for a total male chauvinist who isn’t above tossing you over his knee to prove the point. That’s the best part. It’s what makes it so much fun.”

“From everything I read, it’s not the way of things,” she tried to argue.

“Maybe in some of these relationships it’s a sticking point, but not with me. I’m bigger and stronger, that’s just the fact. I’m going to protect you, even from yourself, because that’s my role. And I’m going to be there to set you straight when you misbehave.”

Chase didn’t need to touch her for Amanda to feel his caress.

“And you let me, because you want what I have to give.”

He wasn’t talking about wealth or celebrity or prestige, though she’d get them by default. He was talking about stern scolding, sound spankings, and explosive orgasms. That happened to come along with hand-holding, castle construction, and countless romantic moments. And all of it combined into the most enigmatic man that ever found his way into her life.

“It makes you crazy when I withhold it. But I have to confess, it’s pretty much the only weapon I have. I never expected you to enjoy it quite so much.”

“You don’t need to sound so smug and arrogant when you point it out,” she said, and laughed weakly.

“I’ve got a hundred yes-men telling me I’m amazing on the daily. Sometimes I buy into the hype. Sue me.” He grinned ruefully into the night and then stared at her silhouette in the moonlight. Her hair was tousled and cascaded down her naked back. He wrestled between wanting her frozen in time and begging for there to be light so he wouldn’t miss the smallest detail. She could feel his gaze and peered over her shoulder at him. She felt so beautiful when he looked at her that way. He was everything that had ever been said about him and so much more.

“I love it when you misbehave on purpose.” There was the quick flash of white teeth from his smile.

She joined him on the mattress, leaning on an elbow of her own, and they were face-to-face.

“It just feels wrong to always go out of my way to make you mad.”

“But that’s what makes it all the more delightful; you only do it for me. You carry yourself so well all the time. Responsible and respectable to everyone you meet. You’ve taken my secret and made it your own. Everything I have belongs to you. You could be shopping. You could be vacationing or partying. Instead, you spend all your free time trying to piss me off in the most outlandish ways. You’re so creative. You put so much effort into it, all because I opened up this new world for you. You’re navigating your way through it.”