Marion Lennox - To the Doctor: A Daughter

‘Meaning…’

‘Meaning you love your social life. You love beautiful women. You’re not a true country doctor.’

‘How the hell would you know what a country doctor is? Who are you to judge me?’

‘I’m not…I can’t…’ She sighed and rose to clear the table. ‘I guess I don’t know you at all. But that’s just it. I don’t know you, and if I agree to stay I’m putting my trust in you for the long term.’

‘And you don’t trust me?’

‘No. I don’t. You kissed me and I don’t know why. I don’t think you know why either. And what I don’t understand I don’t trust. I don’t trust…people.’

He hesitated but then probed on. ‘Life’s been a disaster?’

‘Apart from Cady. He’s my one good thing.’

He sat and watched while she cleared away. He knew he should get up and help but he was watching her as she moved silently around the table. She looked like she’d been slapped, he thought. Over and over again. She looked like she was expecting it to continue into the future.

And his half-formed idea suddenly started to crystallise.

He thought about it as she stacked the plates. He thought about it as she started washing dishes-one plate, two, three, then the mugs…

And halfway through the crockery he could stand it no longer. She picked up the dishcloth, lifted a plate-and out it came.

‘Gemma, what about if you married me?’

WHAT about if you married me…?

Gemma stood stock still-and then she dropped the plate.

‘Excuse me?’ It was hardly a whisper. Her face had gone chalk white.

‘You heard.’

‘No.’

Nate rose then and picked up the plate she’d dropped. It had split into two perfect halves. He put them in the trash and then turned to face her. Damn, she still had that expression on her face. Like she was expecting pain.

‘I mean it.’ His hands caught her shoulders and held. ‘I’ve thought about this-’

‘You don’t know what you’re saying.’

‘I do. I’m asking you to marry me.’

‘You don’t even know me.’

‘I do.’ His eyes studied hers and what he saw there only served to confirm his views. ‘I know you’re loyal and true and caring. I know you love Cady to bits-and, despite everything she did to you, you loved your sister. I know you’re hurt and you’re tired and you’ve run out of places to run. So don’t run any more. Stay here with us. For ever.’

She let herself look at him-really see him-and what she saw in his eyes astounded her. His hands were holding her but she was scarcely aware of the touch. She was only aware of his words. ‘You’re serious!’

‘Never more so.’

‘But… What about Donna?’

‘Donna is…Donna was my girlfriend.’

‘But it’s normal…’ Her voice faltered and died. She swallowed and tried again. ‘It’s normal to ask your girlfriend to marry you. Not a total stranger.’

‘I thought about that. Donna won’t do.’

‘Won’t do?’

‘As a mother to my daughter.’ There. The thing was out. This aching need.

‘Is that what you want?’ she whispered. ‘A mother for Mia?’

‘I want what Cady has,’ he told her truthfully, knowing that nothing else but truth would do. ‘I want that for Mia. I’ve watched you with Cady. You love him so much… OK, Mia is my daughter and I intend to give this love caper the best shot I can. Whether I succeed is a different matter. But, succeed or not, Mia needs a mother-and I’d like that mother to be you.’

Anger flared at that. ‘You can’t persuade me to take her any other way-so you offer marriage?’

But the grip on her shoulders tightened. ‘No. Not just that. We can give each other so much.’

‘Like…what?’

‘Like a home.’ His grip was becoming more urgent. Trying to make her see. ‘What we have here is fantastic, but it’s like you said. I could decide to leave. So could you, and we’d be tearing the kids apart. What they need is permanence, and a marriage would give them that.’

‘You’re out of your mind.’

‘I’m not. I’ve been thinking about this for a week now.’

‘Then you’ve been out of your mind for a week.’

‘No. Look, Gemma, I don’t know what sort of disaster your first marriage was…’

‘It was some disaster.’

‘There you go, then. You don’t want to repeat the same mistake twice.’

‘So why should I marry?’

‘Because this time you’d be marrying with your head and not your heart.’

‘Right. I see.’ But she was still looking at him as if he was crazy and her voice said she was humouring a lunatic.

But he wasn’t intending to stop now. ‘It’d be good for all of us.’

‘Tell me why.’

‘Right.’ Reluctantly he let her go-as if he feared she might take the opportunity and make a bolt for it. The expression in her eyes said that she was thinking about just that. ‘First there’s Graham.’

‘OK, What about Graham?’

‘He needs to continue what he’s doing-winding down his practice until he’s just seeing his favourite patients. You can see how much he needs it. These few days have been magnificent but he’s already worrying about keeping up his skills. While there’s the slightest risk that you’ll leave, he won’t let go. But if we were permanent he could work as little as he wants to, and spend some time with his…well, they’d be his pseudo-grandkids. You must see how much he’d enjoy that.’

Gemma could. She did.

‘Then there’s the kids. They’d be raised as brother and sister. How good would that be?’

It’d be fantastic. She could see that, too. ‘But-’

‘Then there’s you.’ Nate’s tone gentled. ‘Gemma, I don’t know what sort of private hell you’ve lived in for the last few years, but by your face I can begin to guess. It wasn’t just Fiona who treated you badly. Was it?’

She thought of her mother. And Alan. ‘No, but-’

‘But I’d never treat you badly,’ he told her, and his tone was still so gentle she had to blink back disbelief and swallow threatening tears.

She believed him. She believed him!

‘And then there’s me.’

‘Now, that’s the part I don’t understand,’ she told him, trying frantically to get a grip on things. ‘You could marry anyone you want.’

‘I don’t want.’

‘But you will. You’ll fall in love.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Why?’ She was close to hysteria here. ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, why? You’re not gay, are you?’

He grinned at that, his lovely deep chuckle rolling over her confusion. ‘No, Gemma, I’m not gay.’

‘Then what-’

‘I nearly did marry once,’ he told her. ‘Marianne was another medical student and you should have seen her. She was the most gorgeous thing. I fell head over heels-at the ripe old age of nineteen. And I would have married her in all honour but she took off with my best man two days before the wedding. Can you believe that?’

Nate was smiling, but Gemma looking up at him saw the hurt beneath the laughter. It was a joke now-but it hadn’t been a joke then and it had left a scar so deep that it was with him still.

‘Oh, Nate, I’m sorry.’

‘You needn’t be. I had one more foray into a serious relationship and that, too, was a disaster. So I made a vow. No marriage. No commitment.’

‘So what’s changed?’

‘I wouldn’t be marrying for me. I’d be marrying for all of us. It makes a difference.’

‘And if the likes of Donna comes along…’

‘I’ve sown my wild oats,’ he said, and the tone of virtue in his voice made her want to smile. Sort of. ‘But it won’t hurt me to become a family man and this house is big enough for us to lead separate lives.’

Oh, great. What sort of marriage was that?

‘Nate, that’s not-’

‘I haven’t finished yet,’ he told her, his voice growing more certain. ‘I know you need marriage. I know I can help.’

‘You don’t know anything about me.’

‘You’re in trouble financially.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Pull the other leg. It plays “Jingle Bells”. Gemma, I want to talk to my accountant-and my lawyer-about your affairs. I’m sure you shouldn’t be carrying your sister’s debts into eternity. I can fix things.’

‘You can’t-’

‘As your husband I damn well can.’

She blinked. He sounded bossy. Bossy but…nice.

And suddenly it was really, really tempting. To lay her troubles on this man’s broad shoulders.

But he didn’t know what he was taking on. And she… She at least knew what marriage could be. For a while there-for a minuscule window of time-she’d thought she’d had it. With Alan…

Only she’d woken up to the brutal truth too soon. And then Fiona had done what Fiona had always done.

Fiona. It was always Fiona.

And Alan was still with her, a nightmare waiting in the wings.

‘I don’t think you know what you’d be letting yourself in for,’ she said gently, but he shook his head.

‘I know. Permanence. Couldn’t we all do with some of that?’

Permanence. She didn’t know the meaning of the word.

‘No.’

‘At least think about it.’

‘I’ve thought about it, and if you push it I’ll have to leave. Because the whole idea’s crazy.’

‘It’s not.’

‘Ha!’

‘Are you reluctant because I kissed you?’

‘Why on earth…?’

‘There wouldn’t need to be that in our marriage-unless you want another baby.’

He actually sounded hopeful! The whole thing was so crazy she almost laughed. But not quite.

‘There’s easier ways to get yourself a locum than by marrying,’ she told him bluntly. ‘Advertise in the Gazette.’

‘And get the likes of Fiona again? No, thank you very much.’

‘Because you might end up with another baby.’ She gazed at him for a long moment and then sighed. Really gut-wrenchingly sighed. As if she was almost tempted-but there was no way on earth she could take this gigantic leap of faith. ‘Nate, I’m sorry.’

‘You won’t consider it?’

‘No.’

‘I’ll change your mind. If you stay on. You’ll see what sort of exemplary husband and father I can be.’