Trisha Ashley - Twelve Days of Christmas

‘As I said,’ Becca observed dispassionately, ‘as soon as you get the prize, you lose interest.’

‘Thanks for that quick character analysis, Becca. But actually, she was so easy to poach that I did Jude a favour. If they’d got married, it would never have lasted.’

He gave me a delightful smile — he seemed distinctly profligate with them. ‘But I’d much rather be here in the bosom of my family instead. You don’t mind if I stay, do you, Holly? You wouldn’t throw me out into the cold, cold snow?’ he wheedled.

He was a bounder, as they would have said in the twenties, as beautiful and untrustworthy as a snake. If he took after his Uncle Ned, then I could understand how poor, innocent, strictly-brought-up Granny had been so quickly swept quite out of her depth!

I looked helplessly at Noël and Tilda. ‘I. . well, everything is snowballing! I only came here to keep an eye on the house and look after the animals — and then suddenly I’m holding a house-party without the owner’s permission! And I couldn’t get him on the phone either, though I did try.’

‘Oh, but Jude won’t object, I assure you,’ Noël said. ‘The dear fellow will understand.’

‘I’m not sure he will, Noël, because Mr Martland’s girlfriend is—’

‘Uncle Jude won’t mind in the least about us,’ Jess interrupted, ‘but he will about Uncle Guy!’

‘I wish you’d drop the “uncle” bit, sweetheart — it makes me feel terribly old,’ he complained.

‘You are terribly old,’ she said witheringly.

‘If you think I’m old, Mini-Morticia, then your beloved Uncle Jude must be ancient!’

‘But I don’t think of him as old, because he’s fun,’ she said, which was a surprise to me, since nothing I’d heard about him so far would have led me to think of him as a fun person. ‘You’re silly and mean and you’re going all wrinkly round the eyes.’

‘Laughter lines,’ he said, though he turned his head and examined his face anxiously in the cloudy bevelled mirror above the fireplace. ‘Yes, laughter lines. . and is that a car I hear arriving?’ he added. ‘You’re not expecting anyone else, are you?’

‘We weren’t even expecting you,’ Becca pointed out.

Jess ran to the window. ‘Oh look, it’s Ben from Weasel’s Pot!’

She went all pink, so clearly she has a crush on the young farmer. But then she wailed, ‘Oh no, he’s driven off without coming in to say hello! But someone got out first — a woman with an enormous suitcase. Who on earth can it be?’

‘I’ve been trying to warn you,’ I said desperately, ‘it’s—’

Jess turned a startled face towards us. ‘It’s Horlicks, and she looks really mad! Shall I lock the door?’

It was too late to follow Jess’s suggestion and Coco didn’t even knock but simply swept in, looking like a slightly grubby and marked-down ice princess.

I don’t suppose she’d realised she’d be finishing her journey in the cab of a tractor, crammed in with her luggage, which she now dropped in the doorway with a loud crash. It appeared to be decidedly the worse for wear, as did Coco: white was not perhaps the most suitable colour for gruelling journeys. She was clearly also in a flaming temper, which wasn’t improved by her reception.

‘Oh God, what are you doing here?’ Guy said wearily and Becca, Tilda and Noël all stared at her in astonished unwelcome.

‘What do you mean, what am I doing here? Don’t think you can just dump me like that and get away with it just because you got cold feet at the idea of our wedding. Get over it, because you’re coming back to London with me right now!’

‘Like hell I will,’ he said. ‘You might have consulted me before sending off engagement notices and arranging celebration parties.’

‘You agreed with me when I said May weddings were the best, but you had to pick your date quickly before they got booked up!’

‘I might have done, because I don’t listen to half the rubbish you talk. But I certainly never said I wanted to get married in May or any other time!’

‘Well, that’s why we got engaged, wasn’t it?’

He shrugged. ‘Lots of people get engaged and it doesn’t lead to anything, and you were making a fuss about it. I didn’t know you would send an announcement to the bloody newspapers! And finding your parents had organised the family round on Boxing Day to give us the seal of approval was the last straw.’

‘They didn’t invite them specially, it just seemed a good time to toast our engagement, while the family were all together,’ she snapped.

‘Well, you go and toast it, then, I’m staying right here.’

‘Oh, don’t be silly! I’ve driven all the way up here and my car’s ended up in a ditch, all because of you. Of course you’re coming back with me.’

She gave a distracted look at Jess, who had set up a low chant of ‘Hor-licks, Hor-licks, Hor-licks!’

‘Does the child have to make so much noise?’ she demanded.

‘Jess, darling, that will do,’ Tilda said mildly.

‘She doesn’t like you,’ Guy said. ‘None of us like you.’

‘Now, now, Guy,’ Noël said. ‘Manners! Coco, come to the fire and get warm. I hope you weren’t hurt when your car went in the ditch?’

Coco had had a long and wearisome sort of day and she wasn’t listening to Noël. Instead she turned on Guy and unsurprisingly lost her temper completely, saying a few choice and very personal things about him in her shrill voice that I could see Jess storing up for future use.

Nettled, he began to fling barbed comments back so, since a battle royal seemed to be starting, I carried my shopping through into the kitchen, followed by Merlin.

I had to switch all the lights on because it was still snowing heavily and didn’t look like stopping any time soon, which was a bit worrying from the point of view of getting rid of my two unwanted visitors. .

I quickly stowed everything away, hiding the presents I’d bought under a pile of tea towels in the cupboard in case Jess took it into her head to rummage about before I’d had a chance to wrap them.

Then I made a cup of coffee while I wondered whether I could stretch the sausage and mash with mustard sauce that I’d planned to serve for dinner to include two other diners, or if I should defrost more sausages. Dessert could be a sort of Eton Mess, with tinned raspberries and yet more squirty cream from the lodge. Or I could do something with the overripe bananas left by the Chirks. .

I looked at tomorrow’s menu, which was to be grilled trout for the adults — there was a plentiful supply in the freezer — and home-made salmon fishcakes for Jess if she didn’t fancy that. And dessert would be whichever of the two choices we didn’t have tonight.

I’d just put another quick chocolate cake in the oven and whipped up an easy starter of sardine pâté to have with French toast, when Becca and Jess followed me into the kitchen.

‘Tilda and Noël have gone into the morning room to watch TV,’ Becca said, ‘it’s all getting a bit shrill in there — tears before bedtime, I reckon. Guy’s just told her he can’t drive her anywhere tonight, even if he wanted to, because he had a couple of stiff whiskies after he arrived.’

‘Oh dear, did he?’ I said helplessly. ‘I was hoping he might at least take her to the nearest railway station, since he’s got that big four-wheel drive — the weather is closing in and even if her car is all right after being in the ditch, I don’t think it’s up to these kinds of conditions. George certainly didn’t think so.’

‘Well, I don’t suppose there’s a police car sitting in the lane in this weather, waiting to catch drunk drivers,’ she said. ‘He just didn’t want to do it.’

‘Did you like the Christmas decorations?’ asked Jess.

‘Yes, they look lovely; I didn’t get a chance to say before. Who did the holly, ivy and mistletoe arrangements? So much more swish than sticking stuff in vases, like I did with that first bunch George gave me!’

‘Me — one of the useless things I learned at finishing school,’ Becca said.

I gave another distracted glance out of the window. ‘It’s still snowing — do you think we ought to bring the horses in?’

‘Yes, that’s why we came out, really. I’ll do that and get their hot mash early, too. Jess’s going to help me.’

‘I’m so glad you’re here to see to Lady,’ I said gratefully. ‘I’m going to be so busy with everything else that knowing you’re keeping an eye on her and Billy is a weight off my shoulders.’

‘Well, I need to see to Nutkin anyway, so another horse is neither here nor there if I have a willing slave like Jess to do the heavy work and keep that damned goat out of the way.’

Jess gave her a pained look: I don’t think mucking out and trundling wheelbarrows about is her favourite pastime, even though she is now resigned to her fate.

‘That goat is evil,’ she said bitterly. ‘I’ve got bruises all up the back of my legs where he keeps butting me.’

‘We took Merlin out for a little run before lunch,’ Becca said. ‘He was missing you — amazing how quickly he’s got attached to you, he’s like your shadow.’

‘I know, I expect he’s pining for his master, that’s why,’ I said. Merlin, hearing his name, half-wagged his tail, looking up at me with warm amber eyes.