Avery nodded and he continued. “I wanted to be . . . close to her again. Closer to my family. And yeah, I realize how stupid that sounds.”

“Doesn’t sound that way at all,” she said. “Mike and Andy are glad you came back. They don’t blame you.”

“How could they not?”

“Because it wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah, it was. And no matter how good they were to me, how much I loved Josie, I should’ve left. Especially because of those reasons and no matter how hard they protested. I brought terrible danger to their doors. I knew it would happen, and trust me, I hated being right about that.” He paused. “And then I brought it back to you.”

“Jem and I were the ones who kidnapped you.”

“I went to your hotel. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“If you hadn’t, I still would’ve found you.”

“Yeah, I bet you would’ve.”

She traced a finger along his collarbone as he sank back into that world again. He was still close enough to taste it—dangerously so—and he expanded on what he’d told her earlier. Maybe it was an attempt to justify what he’d done, an attempt to justify Landon, to explain the man.

Drew Landon smuggled people—but people who wanted to be smuggled, mainly criminals and their families, drug lords and the like. He’d found his niche, and it worked well with his ability to counterfeit most major IDs and documents from all kinds of agencies around the world. He was well connected and built upon that in order to become the best at what he did.

He justified that the men and women he smuggled away from justice would eventually be caught—he was just taking their money, because someone had to. Plus, as Landon pointed out, sometimes he’d be helping out good people, those in witness protection who no longer trusted the government to keep them safe.

Gunner had once told him he wouldn’t know any of the finer things if they bit him in the ass. He’d waited to get slapped. Put in his place.

He’d gotten fucking kindness. He’d vandalized Landon’s place. Stolen from him. Gotten drunk. Acted like a wild kid. Acted like himself.

Landon let him, waited him out. Gave him things he’d needed in order to help with Landon’s business. He gave him skills and an outlet—taking out bad guys.

“There are different grades of bad. And that’s a seductive way to put it—I might be bad but I’m not hurting anyone.” Gunner shook his head, rubbed the tattoos snaking up the side of his neck. “I believed what I wanted to believe. Landon didn’t make me that person. I made me that person. I didn’t give a fuck about anyone or anything. And Landon liked me that way. I’d go anywhere, do anything. Blowing shit up was my favorite thing to do. If a human trafficker was involved, even better.”

“You were young,” Avery told him.

“I should’ve known better.” He’d grown up in the world of shade, because no operative could ever be squarely on the side of the right. His mom tried. Once he was old enough to notice this dynamic, he’d watched her drag herself home, half distraught. By morning, the distress would be gone, the surface smoothed and calm. But Gunner knew now that under the surface, nothing ever truly settled.

“What made you get out?”

He laughed then. She was staring at him like he’d lost his mind. “I didn’t leave. He kicked me out and I tried to get back in. I assumed he’d had me beaten as a warning. To teach me a lesson.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Except he says he never ordered that. And he claims he didn’t touch Josie.”

“Why call you back for that particular job?”

“To finish what I started when I fucked up the first time. A chance to make it right. To get back in. I don’t know.” He rubbed his face. “I was out of it for eleven months. I was in love with Josie. But I missed the action. So I figured, finish the job. Prove myself, and then I could get back in. Do it in moderation. But fuck, it doesn’t work that way. And I never wanted anything to happen to Josie.”

“I know, Gunner. No matter what, I know that.”

“I thought I could have the best of both worlds.”

“Sometimes you can, Gunner.”

“I took a chance with her life. I never thought . . . If I was going to work for him, why would he . . .”

“How did he find you?”

“I took the SIM card from my cell phone before they destroyed it. He never canceled the phone number. It was on his account. I put it into a new phone after a couple of months and figured, if he wanted me back, he could find me. I guess he’d always planned on giving me a second chance. Guess I always wanted one. The only reason I went back this last time was because I made him promise to leave you alone.”

He closed his eyes and pictured Josie, lying on the floor. “She’d died with the phone in her hand, trying to crawl to the door. Looking for me. I didn’t get home in time. Not even close.”

“Was it retaliation?”

“I don’t know. To this day, I don’t goddamn know. But whether it was retaliation or random, the fact still remains that I wasn’t there. The worst thing I’ve ever done to get free from a man I hated and I did that for Josie. The night I was free, she was killed.”

There was nothing she could say to make it better, so she didn’t even try. Instead, she pulled him closer, ran her hands over his tattooed forearms as though the images would come alive under her touch. And maybe they did, because she and Gunner were kissing and although she didn’t know how it started, she knew she didn’t want it to end.

He couldn’t do this. Not again and not to her.

She knows violence. Understands it.

That didn’t mean she should be married to it.

He heard the rawness in his voice, wanted to drown it out with alcohol until he couldn’t see straight. “When I did that fucking last job . . . It was horrible.” His face looked so pained, his neck muscles tensed, and she was sure he’d take off any second. “I can’t even . . .”

She put her arms around him then. Shushed him. Told him not to say anything else. Somehow she had to make this all better for him. “You can tell me, Gunner. I think it’s better if you tell someone.”

“You can’t ask me that. Take it back.”

“No.” Avery’s voice broke. “I’ve done bad things too.”

“You’ve done nothing close to my level.” He pulled back and stared at her. “Does it matter? I did it. And it broke me. I lost everything. The only reason I didn’t kill myself was because it hurt to stay alive. Good penance.”

“Oh, Gunner.”

“I was broken from the job,” he said. He’d practically crawled home after it was done, and it had been like walking on hot coals. His entire body was aching with grief already, and seeing her on the floor, with Petey, was the final fucking straw.

“I wasn’t there for her. I couldn’t have been. I made a choice this time so you stayed safe. And that almost didn’t happen. You’re in danger just from knowing me.”

“And I always will be,” she reminded him. “That ship has sailed. So we have to deal with it, Gunner. Together. Because if there’s going to be risk with or without you, I’d much rather be with you.”

“Why?”

“How can you not know? The way you helped me. Let me mourn that night in the bayou. You know me. You always have.”

He couldn’t deny that. “You’re so strong. Didn’t need me to get that way.”

“Maybe I need you to stay that way. Or maybe I just want you there.” She paused. “Don’t you worry about having to look over your shoulder every day for the rest of your life?”

“You’re implying that I haven’t been doing that already,” Gunner said.

“That’s kind of—”

“Realistic.”

“You know that anyone who loved you would never want you to make yourself suffer, no matter what happened,” she told him.

He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. But Avery still had questions, legitimate ones, especially because she was now in this up to her neck.

“Why was Landon so intent on bringing down traffickers? They don’t even tangentially interfere with any of his business. If anything, he had more in common with them than not.”

Gunner shook his head. It was time to reveal secrets—his, Landon’s. Everything had been rolled up into a big black ball of pain and it was unraveling. Finally.

It finally felt right.

“Landon had his reasons. He’d been in the smuggling business forever. Born into it. And his father screwed over a trafficker on one of his jobs, although not purposely. It wasn’t even anything that led to a huge loss for the guy. And, yes, I researched it. Landon was transparent about it, but I wouldn’t have just taken his word for it. But afterward the trafficker—George Mullin—took Landon’s mother and older sister. Sold them both and Landon never saw them again. Never stopped searching. Every time I’d free people, I had their pictures, and I wore a necklace with a symbol they’d recognize.”

“You never saw them.”

“No. But Landon never wanted anyone’s family to go through that. And then Powell traded me in exchange for the debt he owed.”

“Landon took you in and really felt for you. Cared for you in the way he’d hoped someone had his own mother or sister.”

“I told you it was complicated.”

“And that’s why it doesn’t make sense that Landon would give you a second chance and then hurt Josie.”

“Look, he takes what he considers betrayal very seriously. He didn’t get to be where he is by not being ruthless. And he is. But there’s a part of the picture I’m missing. And it’s driving me crazy.” He stared out the window. “I think I should contact him.”

“And say what?”

“I haven’t figured that out yet.”

* * *

Gunner could see the wheels in Avery’s head turning. He wasn’t surprised, but he was glad he’d been able to give her some time away.