Claremont was a house of mourning still and I wondered why I was so happy in it. But it was not a sad sort of mourning. I had the impression that they would be unhappy if it stopped—particularly Uncle Leopold.

We talked a great deal about Charlotte, how he had guided her, how he had changed her after their marriage. Before that she had been so uncontrollable. She had not had a good relationship with either of her parents. It had been difficult to imagine a child with more unfortunate parents. “Oh, how grateful you should be, dearest, to have your Uncle Leopold always so concerned for your well being… and your Mama also. We shall care for you, dear child, as poor Charlotte was never cared for… until she became my wife, of course.”

“She must have been very happy then.”

Uncle Leopold smiled into the past. “She worshipped me. My dear, dear Charlotte. My child, I hope you never know sorrow such as I did when she went.”

When I come to think of these talks with Uncle Leopold I realize how often they were concerned with melancholy. Life was very serious for Uncle Leopold. I was inclined to think that life could be rather merry. I loved dancing, singing, and laughing—all of which, Mama said, when done to excess, were vulgar. Perhaps I was a little vulgar. No wonder Mama and Lehzen had to keep such a sharp watch on me. And yet I enjoyed these talks with Uncle Leopold. I loved to shed a tear with him over all his sorrows. He was a martyr to many illnesses and he liked to talk about them to me: the mysterious pains, the easy way in which he caught cold. After discovering that the King's luxurious curls were a wig I found myself studying Uncle Leopold's hair. He must have noticed this for he explained, “I wear this thing just to keep my head warm.”

“Well,” I replied, “that is a good reason for wearing it, for you do suffer from pains in the head, dear Uncle.”

I noticed, too, that he had high soles and heels on his shoes. I had thought at one time that this was to make him look taller, but I guessed now that it was to help some ailment in his feet.

During that visit Uncle Leopold mentioned quite casually that he had made a great sacrifice for my sake. I was quite alarmed and he went on, “I have been offered the throne of Greece and I have declined it.”

“Do you mean you would have been a king?”

“Yes, I should have been a king. But what of that? The first thing that occurred to me was: I should be separated from little Victoria.”

“Oh, Uncle Leopold, did you give up a crown for me?”

“It was worth it, my love. At least, I believe it was worth it…if I can be proud of my dearest child.”

“Oh, you will be, Uncle. You will be.”

“I know it. Never forget, my dearest, how much I care for you.”

I swore I would not and I felt very happy because he had given up a crown for my sake.

Then he told me about my little cousin who had been born at a beautiful place called Rosenau exactly three months after I made my appearance into the world.

“This dear little boy, who is one of the most beautiful I ever saw, is my nephew … as you are my little niece. I often think how lucky I am to have two such little darlings to care for.”

“Do you care for him then, Uncle?”

“Indeed I do.”

I felt a little jealous of this intruder and wanted to ask if Uncle Leopold cared more for him than for me, but I guessed that would not be a good thing to ask, so I waited to hear more of this boy. I was glad he was younger than I. I felt that gave me an advantage.

“He has a little brother who is not quite a year older than he is.”

“I have a sister who is twelve years older than I.”

Uncle Leopold ignored that. He did not want to go back over Feodore's misfortunes. He wanted to talk about his little nephew.

“His name is Albert and his brother is Ernest.”

“They must be German.”

“Their father is the Duke of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. They are two charming boys.”

“I should like to see them. They are my cousins, are they not?”

“They are indeed your cousins. I have heard from your grandmother that Albert is as quick as a weasel.”

“Yes, I suppose weasels are rather quick.”

Uncle Leopold smiled a little impatiently. “He has big blue eyes and is very good-looking. He is very lively and good-natured.”

“He sounds very good,” I said uneasily.

“He is full of mischief.”

That sounded more likeable and I asked some questions about him.

“I believe you would be very good friends with your cousins,” went on Uncle Leopold. “You see they have no mother now, and you have no father.”

“I see,” I said.

“It makes a bond between you.”

“Shall I meet them? Will they come here? I do not think Mama would want me to go to Germany.”

“You may very likely meet them one day.”

“Oh, I do hope so.”

“In fact,” said Uncle Leopold, smiling, “I am going to make sure that you do.”

And after that he talked to me often about my cousins, and when I asked questions about them he seemed very pleased indeed.


* * *

FEODORE RETURNED TO Kensington. She seemed different, no longer the broken-hearted Feodore who had left us. There was an air of serenity about her. Resignation, I supposed.

She was to be married very soon to Count Hohenlohe-Langenburg.

We were so delighted to see each other. I could not bear her to be out of my sight. I showed her all the dolls. There were one or two new ones. Mama had said that I should give up playing with dolls. She did not understand that my dolls were not ordinary dolls. They were real people to me. Lehzen wanted me to keep them. She loved them as much as I did. They were educational, she said, which was her verdict on anything that she liked.

“What changes have there been while I have been away?” Feodore wanted to know.

What changes could there be? Life went on in the same way at Kensington.

In spite of having been separated from Augustus, I believed Feodore enjoyed her stay in Germany for Mama was almost as strict with her as she was with me, and she too felt that she was in a prison. So I supposed the comparative freedom she would get with marriage was agreeable to her although her husband would not be Augustus but the Count of Hohenlohe-Langenburg.

“What was he like?” I asked when we were together with Lehzen sitting in the room sewing. We were never really alone.

“He is very kind.”

“And handsome?”

“Yes, he is handsome.”

“And do you love him?”

“I must love him for he is to be my husband.”

Feodore was talking like Mama or Lehzen. I realized with a little pang that she had changed. She had crossed the line and become a grown-up person and they invariably said not what they meant but what they thought it was right to say.

I was a little saddened and asked no more questions about the Count.

Feodore was to be married at Kensington Palace. It was a great occasion. I had a lovely white dress and Lehzen spent a lot of time curling my hair. The wedding was to take place in the Cupola Room where, Lehzen reminded me, I had been christened.

“Yes,” I said, “and where there was a storm because the King wouldn't have me named Georgiana. Do you know, I think he wouldn't mind my being called after him now. He was so kind to me when we met.”

“And so you became Victoria. Well, that is quite a nice name.”

“I intend it to be a very good name,” I said. “I really don't think Georgiana would have suited me. But perhaps that is because I have got used to Victoria now. After all, I used to be Drina. I am glad that changed.”

Lehzen shook her head and adjusted one of my curls.

“Well, you look very nice.”

“The King is going to give Feodore away,” I said. I giggled. “I do believe he would prefer to keep her for himself.”

“You must not say such things.”

“Well, when we were at Windsor he did seem to like her.”

“I think he liked you too.”

“Oh yes, but Feodore more, and in a different way.”

“Those bright eyes see more than is there sometimes.”

“Dear Lehzen, how could they see what is not there?”

“Come along, my little wiseacre. Let us go and see how the bride is getting on.”

Feodore looked beautiful—not a bit afraid, as I feared she might. She looked more remote, it was true—not quite young any more, secretive perhaps, learning to hide her feelings. I wondered if I should ever be like that. I thought not.

She was wearing a beautiful diamond necklace, I noticed immediately.

“It is a present from the King,” she told me.

“Oh, I knew he liked you! It's lovely. Feodore, I believe he would have liked to marry you.”

“Nonsense! He is an old man.”

“Old men like pretty young women sometimes.”

“How observant you are!”

“Lehzen says I see things which are not there. How could anyone?”

“Ordinary rules don't apply to Victoria.”

That made me laugh.

“Don't say that about the King to anyone,” she advised.

“Why not? I think it is true.”

“Dear little sister, you talk too frankly, you know.”

“You sound just like Mama.”

“Oh no… please not.”

Then we laughed again and it was like the old days again.

We went to the Cupola Room. Through the windows as we passed along I saw the crowds outside the Palace.

“They love a royal wedding,” said Lehzen.

The bells were ringing and everyone seemed very happy. The only regret was that Augustus was not the bridegroom. Well, I thought, one cannot expect everything—although of course the bridegroom was rather an important part of the ceremony.