Mr. Gladstone came down to Windsor, all concern. I must say he did seem very sincere—and indeed, it was hard to imagine Mr. Gladstone ever anything else; but his manner irritated me even when he showed he was upset by the incident.

“The man is mad,” he said. “All those who have made an attempt on Your Majesty's life have been mad. In other countries rulers are attacked for political reasons. It is gratifying that in this country all assassins are madmen.”

“The effect is the same on the victim, Mr. Gladstone,” I said coolly.

“Yes, Ma'am, that is so, but the motive is different; and madmen have not the same power to reason.”

Now I was going to get a lecture on the motives of madmen and the difference in assassins in England and other countries.

I cut him short.

“I shall be relieved to hear more of this matter,” I said.

He told me then about the bravery of the two boys from Eton who had without doubt averted a tragedy.

“I should like to let them know how much I appreciate their actions.”

That, he said, was an excellent idea.

It was arranged that I should receive the whole school—nine hundred boys—and very moving it was to see them assembled in the quadrangle. I spoke to them, commending the two of their number who had so gallantly come to my rescue. Then the two heroes themselves came forward and received my special thanks.

My would-be assailant turned out to be a certain Roderick McLean who was brought to trial and found not guilty but insane.

I was incensed by the verdict. Not guilty when he had aimed a loaded pistol at me, which might have killed me but for the prompt action of two schoolboys with their umbrellas! It seemed to me that people who tried to kill my subjects were guilty of murder, but if they tried to kill me, they were found to be insane.

“There is no doubt of the man's insanity,” said Mr. Gladstone. “In this country it is always the insane who attempt to assassinate the sovereigns.”

The man was detained “during Her Majesty's pleasure.”

It would be my pleasure that he remained as long as I had any say in the matter.

In his ponderous way Mr. Gladstone did see my point and said that he would take up the matter of such cases and see if he could bring about a change in the law.

My popularity soared after the attempt. That was always gratifying; and when one had come unscathed out of these incidents they seemed almost worthwhile for the pleasure of enjoying the people's acclaim.


* * *

ABOUT A MONTH after the Roderick McLean affair, Leopold was married. There had been the usual distasteful wrangle in Parliament about his allowance. But at length it was agreed that it should be raised to £25,000 a year. There was the expected outcry in the Press about the money the royal family was receiving from the country, the habitual murmuring about my seclusion, “What does she do with it and is she worth it to us?” was renewed, and forty-two members voted against the allowance being raised. However the majority that passed it was substantial enough.

I attended the ceremony in my black gown and over it I did wear my white wedding lace and veil. I prayed fervently that Leopold would not tax his strength. I greatly feared for him. The blood losses he had suffered all his life had weakened him; and he must realize that such a disease set him apart from normally healthy men. Helen was a very capable young woman, not afraid of stating her own mind—even to me. I had felt a little taken aback at first but soon began to admire her spirit. I was beginning to think she was just the wife for Leopold.

I was buying Claremont for them as a wedding present. It was a house of which I was particularly fond. Uncle Leopold had left it to me for the duration of my life, but I had thought I should like to own it so that I could give it to the newly married couple.

I soon began to worry less about Leopold for marriage seemed to suit him, and soon after the wedding Helen was pregnant. Her child was due to be born ten months after her wedding—which was really very prompt.

I had so many grandchildren that I had to concentrate to count them. But Leopold's would be rather special because I had never thought he would have children.

I was at Windsor. I had been down to Frogmore to be with Albert and when I came back I was very sad as I always was after these visits. I must have been deep in thought for as I was coming downstairs I slipped and fell.

There was consternation. Brown came rushing out, sweeping everyone aside. He picked me up looking very angry with me and said, “What have ye done now, woman?” which made me smile in spite of the pain in my leg.

He carried me to my room. Everyone fussed around, but I said I should be all right in a day or two.

But the next morning I could not put my foot to the ground without pain. The upset had started my rheumatic pains and they came on more virulently than ever.

The doctors came and said I must rest.

It was very tiresome. I hated to be inactive. But I certainly was bruised and my leg was painfully swollen.

Brown used to carry me from my bed to the sofa and then, because he thought I should get some fresh air, took what he called the wee pony chair and he would drive me around the park.

What should I do without Brown? I wondered.

Each morning he would come unceremoniously to my room with a “What'll ye be wanting today?” as though I were a fractious child whose wish must be consulted to keep me quiet. It always amused me and the sight of him cheered me up.

Just over a week after my fall it was not Brown who came to my room for orders but one of the other servants.

“Where is Brown?” I asked.

“He is unable to wait on Your Majesty this morning.”

Oh, I thought, amused. I supposed he had been a little “bashful” on the previous night.

“Very well,” I said.

I would tease him about it when he appeared.

But Brown did not appear. Later in the morning I sent for him. One of the others came instead.

“His face is swollen, Your Majesty,” I was told.

“Face swollen! What has happened? Has he had a fall or something?”

I had to find out for I could glean nothing from the servant.

“I want to see him,” I said. “Send him to me.”

He came and the sight of him shocked me. His face was indeed red and swollen.

“What on earth has happened, Brown?” I asked. “I dinna ken,” he said shortly. And I could see that he was ill. I told him to go back to bed at once. Then I sent for Dr. Jenner.

When Jenner had examined Brown he came to me and told me that he was suffering from erysipelas.

“Is that dangerous?” I asked.

Dr. Jenner shook his head.

“I want the best attention for him. You yourself, Dr. Jenner, and Dr. Reid.”

“That is hardly necessary, Ma'am …” began Dr. Jenner.

“It is my wish,” I said regally.

Dr. Jenner bowed. There would be gossip, I guessed, because I had ordered the royal physician to attend John Brown. But I did not care. He was of great importance to me.


* * *

ANXIOUS AS I was over John Brown, I was delighted to hear that Helen had been safely delivered of a little girl. So Leopold was a father!

I must visit the mother and child at once even though I had to be carried out to the carriage. Alas… not by John Brown.

I found Helen recovering from the birth looking fit and well, but lying on a sofa. Leopold had one of his bleeding bouts and the doctors had warned him to take the utmost care for a while, so he was on another sofa. And because of my indisposition one had been put in for me.

The three of us reclining on sofas made quite an amusing scene.

The child was brought in and admired. Leopold was in the highest spirits; and as for Helen she was very proud of herself. It was a happy occasion but when I went back to Windsor I was greeted by alarming news. John Brown had taken a turn for the worse.

“For the worse!” I cried. “But I thought that from which he was suffering was not very serious.”

“Your Majesty, he does not seem to be able to throw off the illness.”

“But he has twice the strength of an ordinary man!”

“That does not seem to help him, Your Majesty. John Brown is very ill indeed.”

I was deeply disturbed. I went to see him immediately. He looked quite different and he did not recognize me. He was muttering in delirium.

Oh no, I thought, this is too much!

But, alas, what I had begun to fear, happened.

The next morning they came to tell me that John Brown had died in the night.


* * *

I COULD NOT believe it. Not another death. People were dying all around me. Was that part of the pattern of getting old? It seemed only a short time before that I had lost my dear friend Lord Beaconsfield. John Brown had been a comfort to me then…and now he had gone.

It was such a blow that it stunned me. I could find no solace anywhere. None of the family mourned with me. They had never liked him and deplored my relationship with him. They did not understand, of course. They had called him one of the servants. He had not been a servant. He was something far closer than that.

I wanted to raise some memorial to him. Sir Henry Ponsonby was very uneasy. He dropped veiled warnings. We did not want to give the Press a field day. No doubt there would be damaging speculations as to my relationship with him if too much attention was paid to his passing.

I did not care. I was tired of the Press and trying to placate a fickle people. They listened to cruel libels and slander; and then when Bertie had nearly died and I might have been assassinated they found they loved us dearly. What was such shifting affection worth?