“You do not know how fond I am of her, Mama,” I said. “She is the best friend I ever had.”

“My dear child, you have many friends and you will have many more.”

“There will never be one like Lehzen,” I said.

Mama laughed again. “Dear me, you are so vehement.”

“Yes, Mama,” I said. “Vehement and determined.”

Sir John said with an unpleasant sneering laugh, “Oh, here is the Queen herself.”

“I am not the Queen…yet, Sir John,” I retorted. “But I will not allow you to send Lehzen away.”

“You will not allow it,” said Mama.

“That is what I said, Mama. I will not.”

“You are only a child.”

“I am old enough… and I am getting older every day.”

“A profound statement,” sneered Sir John, “and one with which we must all agree.”

“If you attempt to send Lehzen away,” I told them, “I shall go to the King and ask him to forbid it.”

“That pineapple-headed old bore,” said Mama contemptuously.

“The King, Mama, whom I respect more than some.” I looked venomously at Sir John. “I am his subject and so are you… both of you. It would be well for us all to remember that.”

They stared at me in amazement and I could see that Mama was trying to reduce me to the child I once was. But I had acquired a new dignity since seeing that table in the history book. I was going to be the Queen, and as heir to the throne these two took their importance through me. But for me what would they be? I was young, it was true; but this was a matter of vital importance to me. I was learning to rule.

I could see that I was making some impression for they were both startled, and yes, I was sure they were a little alarmed.

“Oh,” said Mama, “I see we are in for a little storm.”

“Not a little storm, Mama,” I corrected her. “A big one. Lehzen is not going to leave me.”

“You are arrogant… conceited …,” spluttered Mama, her earrings shaking with the rage she felt.

“I am the heir to the throne,” I said. “I may be Queen very soon, though I hope Uncle William will live for a long time yet. But for now I say this: Lehzen is staying with me. I know the King will forbid you to send her away, and whatever you say about him he is the King and it would be well for us all to remember that we are his subjects.”

With that I walked out of the room. I was trembling with fear.

They were absolutely startled by my firmness—and so was I. But they knew they were defeated, and there was no doubt of it because there was no more mention of Lehzen's leaving.


* * *

I HAD SCORED a victory, but that did not mean that I had changed anything very much. Mama was still in command and although she realized that I could be what she called stubborn on matters over which I felt deeply, I was still the child as far as she was concerned.

Aunt Adelaide, who was a mediator between my mother and the King, intimated that, now I was recognized as next in the succession, I should appear more in public. Mama agreed with this.

Aunt Adelaide was doing everything she could to bring about a reconciliation between the King and my mother, and I have to say that it was Mama's fault that it was without success. That the King disliked her there could be no doubt, but if she had not continually asserted what she called her rights and attempted to push me forward and to behave generally as though Uncle William was already as good as dead and I on the throne, I think there might have been, if not a friendship, a fairly reasonable compromise between them. But she would not.

I was not so much invited to Court as summoned to Aunt Adelaide's birthday party celebration. I wanted to go. I loved such occasions. I was quite intrigued by the two Georges and they were very attentive to me on the rare occasions when I had met them; and there was dancing, singing, and playing games, which I very much enjoyed. Aunt Adelaide did everything possible to make all the young people happy, so I could have been very amused if I had been allowed to be.

That occasion was a failure. I should have thought that after my victory over Lehzen I should have been able to shake off Mama's influence, but this was not so and there were times when I felt completely overawed.

I was very apprehensive when I considered the way in which Sir John and my mother had managed to get rid of poor Spath and the attempts they had made to do the same to Lehzen. I was really worried and sometimes I felt very young and inadequate.

On the occasion of Aunt Adelaide's birthday there was a certain formality, which even the King could not escape, although, as my mother said, never had a king behaved with less majesty. This was true in a way. The King would go about and talk to his most humble subjects and when after a visit his guests left he would go down to see them off and help them into their carriages and then stand waving them off—which no king had surely ever done before. He was a bluff sailor, and he was not going to change his ways just because he was a king.

Before we set out Mama continued to lecture me. “The King will try to keep you down. You must be sure that you are in your rightful place. It would never do for the people to forget that you are the rightful heir to the throne. You must not be too effusive. You always are. You must not look as though you think it is a great honor to be presented to the King. It is as much an honor for him that I allow you to go. Do not smile on all and sundry. Show them you are serious… aware of your rank…”

And so it was that whenever the King looked my way I cast down my eyes because I was afraid that I should smile in too friendly a way, and yet if I did not smile it looked as though I were sulking.

I was glad when it was over.

But my demeanor was noticed. Aunt Adelaide looked bewildered and unhappy; and the King scowled.

I heard that he had been very angry and had said, “That child would not look at me. I will not have it. She is getting like her mother.”

That amused my mother and she told me I had behaved with dignity. I was less pleased and very sorry that I had hurt the King and Aunt Adelaide.

My mother said I should travel a little to show myself to the people, and let them become acquainted with their Queen-to-be.

I loved the excitement of travel. I enjoyed seeing new places. Sir John Conroy and Mama planned the journeys, where we should stay and when we should meet the people. We were greeted with enthusiasm wherever we went and that was very pleasant. But it was always Mama who spoke to the crowds, who took the front seat. She brought me forward sometimes, and told them how she had devoted her life to me ever since I had been born.

There was one thing that worried me very much and that was that wherever we went, Sir John ordered the guns to fire the royal salute.

I said to Lehzen, “I thought that was done only for sovereigns.”

Lehzen shook her head. She had not fully recovered from the scare we had had when we thought that Sir John and my mother might succeed in getting her sent away. She was more reticent than usual, but I knew she agreed with me and that it was not correct to insist on the royal salute.

I heard the King was very annoyed when he discovered what was happening. “Guns popping here, there, and everywhere,” he said. “There's to be an end to this popping and pretty sharp.”

Sir John's reply was that as Victoria was heiress to the throne, the firing of the guns was in order. He was getting reckless, I believe. He thought the King's end was near, and he saw me on the throne with Mama as Regent and himself governing Mama.

How people love power! A little while ago my life seemed to be in danger because Cumberland wanted me out of the way and a clear run for himself; now Sir John was taking risks, for after all Uncle William was the King, and Sir John was causing him great offense. In fact he was always urging Mama to further recklessness—not that she needed much urging.

We were at Norris Castle in the Isle of Wight. The guns had been popping away in Portsmouth in my honor, when a summons came from my mother to attend the King's coronation.

“You,” said Mama, “will walk immediately behind the King. As heir to the throne that is your place.”

But it seemed the King had other ideas. Further news came from Windsor. I was assigned a place behind the royal dukes.

“Never!” cried Mama.

“Certainly not!” echoed Sir John. “We must have our little girl where she belongs.”

I talked it over with Lehzen. “But what difference does it make where I am. I shall be there… and walking behind the uncles doesn't make me any less heir to the throne.”

Lehzen said it seemed of great importance to the Duchess that I should walk immediately behind the King.

“He will be very angry,” I said anxiously. “He is already cross because I didn't smile at him when I last saw him. Oh, Lehzen, I wanted to. I like him and I love Aunt Adelaide. But…it is so difficult.”

“Life often is, my dear,” said Lehzen.

The wrangle went on. “No,” said the King. “Behind the royal dukes.”

I believed that he did not greatly care where I walked, but he did dislike Mama so much that he would not give way to her.

“In her rightful place or not at all,” said Mama.

And so it was not at all.

I wept with frustration. I had wanted so much to go to the Coronation; and most of all I hated quarrels.

I watched the Coronation procession from Marlborough House.


* * *

SOON AFTER THE Coronation there was a great deal of controversy throughout the country because of the Reform Bill.