I said, “Please take my condolences to the Queen.”

Lord Conyngham replied, “I will do as Your Majesty commands without delay.”

Then I left them and went into my bedroom to dress.

I was eighteen years old. I was a queen. Oddly enough the first thought that occurred to me was: Now I can be alone.

The Crowned Queen

I PUT ON A BLACK DRESS AND WENT DOWN TO BREAKFAST. Everything was different. Now I was a queen. There was one thought that kept hammering in my brain. I must be good. I must be wise. I must do my duty. I must put aside all frivolous desire for pleasure. I must serve my country.

There was Uncle Leopold to tell me what to do as he had been telling me all my life; but of course he was the king of another country and it was not really suitable for the King of the Belgians to have a hand in the ruling of England. I knew that in future I was going to have to be wary, even of Uncle Leopold, for as a good king—and I was sure he was that— he would have to put the interests of his country first.

Yes, I had to walk very carefully.

While I was breakfasting Baron Stockmar came down to talk to me. He was wise but of course he was Uncle Leopold's man. Everything had changed since I had become Queen.

I talked to him about Uncle William and my pity for Queen Adelaide, for I understood how deep her grief must be.

I left him after breakfast and went to my sitting room to write letters—one to Uncle Leopold, another to Feodore.

How strange it was to sign oneself Victoria R.

While I was writing, a letter arrived from the Prime Minister in which he said he would wait on me before nine o'clock.

I was very pleased that Lord Melbourne was Prime Minister. I had met him once or twice and been most impressed by his handsome appearance, his courtly manners and his amusing way of talking.

Lehzen was with me when the letter came and I said to her, “I shall see him quite alone as I intend to see all my ministers in future.”

Lehzen nodded. She understood. But she was a little uneasy, fearful that the crown was going to change me.

“It will change me,” I told her. “But nothing will ever change my love for you, dear Lehzen. You will find the Queen can be as affectionate as the Princess ever was.”

At which we wept, and she told me that I was the meaning of life to her, which was very affecting.

Lord Melbourne came as arranged. What a charming man! He bowed and kissed my hand and his beautiful blue-gray eyes filled with tears as he surveyed me which made me feel very warm toward him. I knew he was thinking of my youth and all the burdens that would descend on my shoulders.

He was most respectful and made me feel quite at ease, for although I knew he was so affected by my youth, at the same time he conveyed his faith in my ability to perform the tasks that lay ahead of me.

“Lord Melbourne,” I said, “it has long been my intention to retain your ministry at the head of affairs.”

“I am overwhelmed with gratitude, Ma'am,” he replied.

“I know it could not be in better hands.”

“Your Majesty is gracious.” He went on, “It is my duty to bring you the Declaration that Your Majesty will read to the Council. Would you just glance through it and see if it has your approval?”

“You wrote it, Lord Melbourne?”

“I confess to the deed,” he said with a slight lifting of his lips, which I thought rather amusing and which made me smile.

“I am sure it is just as it should be,” I said.

“I must leave Your Majesty to consider it. The Council meeting, which can be held here in the Palace, should take place at eleven-thirty. I will call again about eleven in case there is anything with which you do not agree. I must not encroach upon Your Majesty's time now. You will want to study the Declaration. It will be my great pleasure to call again in case Your Majesty wishes to make use of me.”

“You are very kind, Lord Melbourne.”

He replied, “Your Majesty is too gracious to your humble servant.” And he said it in an ironical way, which I thought so amusing. I knew that my meetings with my Prime Minister were not going to be the dreary sessions one might expect. They would be light-hearted, even though we were carrying out the most serious business.

I knew from the first day that I was lucky to have Lord Melbourne for my Prime Minister—a good, honest, clever man, who was at the same time such an attractive one.

When he had gone I read through the Declaration and composed my thoughts. It was very important that I behave with the right degree of dignity and modesty before the Council.

I thought Lord Melbourne's Declaration beautifully worded and as he would be present I should draw a certain confidence from him. The way in which he had looked at me gave me belief in myself. He was a very feeling man. I had seen in his eyes that he was very much aware of my youth and felt protective toward me, and yet at the same time he would never forget for one instant that I was the Queen. That was a very comforting thought. Once again I rejoiced that he was the Prime Minister. It might so easily have been someone else—the Duke of Wellington or Sir Robert Peel—very honorable men, of course, but without the charm of Lord Melbourne; and a queen did rely so much on her prime minister.

He came again at eleven and asked me if there was anything I wished to say to him before the Council meeting began.

“I hope I shall not disappoint them,” I said, for I felt I could talk like that with Lord Melbourne.

“Disappoint them, Ma'am! Why, you will enchant them. I'll tell you something. A queen is more appealing than a king. And a beautiful, young queen…well, none could be so effective. Have no qualms. Your youth…your sex… they are an advantage.”

“Do you really think so?”

“I do indeed.”

“But perhaps they are not all like you, Lord Melbourne.”

“I trust not, Your Majesty. I should not like to be among the common herd.”

That made me laugh and I felt considerably relaxed. He had made me feel that it was not such an ordeal after all.

“I was just wondering how I should be before them all.”

“Be yourself, Ma'am. No one else could be more delightful.”

Oh, what a comfort he was! I should be thinking of him all the time I was facing them.

The Council was held in the Red Salon at Kensington Palace.

Mama would have loved to accompany me but she was beginning to understand that everything had changed since this morning.

I went in alone. At the door of the Salon my two uncles, Cumberland and Sussex, were waiting with Lord Melbourne. Cumberland looked as repulsive as ever. What a contrast to handsome Lord Melbourne, who gave me such an enchanting smile, with a twinkle in his eyes—while he showed the utmost respect—as though there were a conspiracy between us.

I was led to the seat and sat down. I remained seated while I read the Declaration, I am glad to say without faltering.

A good deal of formality followed. There were a great many Privy Counselors who had to be sworn in. I received the homage of my uncles and my hand was kissed and allegiance sworn by important men like Lord Palmerston, Wellington, and Sir Robert Peel.

I was not nervous and I sensed that all—except Lord Melbourne— were surprised at my confident manner. I think they had been expecting a nervous young girl.

I went back to my room where there were audiences with Lord Melbourne, Lord John Russell, Lord Albemarle, who was my Master of Horse, and the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Then the ordeal was over.

Lord Melbourne whispered to me, “You were superb. A queen … every inch.”

What a charming way he had of expressing himself !

I wanted to tell him that what might have been an ordeal had been an invigorating experience, and it was due to him and the confidence he had inspired in me.

I felt excited at the prospects of more meetings with him. The country is in very good hands, I thought.

I spent several hours writing letters. I must convey my condolences to Queen Adelaide, who had always been so kind to me. Dear Aunt! How lost and lonely she must be feeling now. She would be thinking of me too—no doubt remembering incidents from my childhood. When she had given me the Big Doll would be one of the pleasantest of memories. There would be many—all due to Mama—that would be less so.

That reminded me.

When Lehzen came in, I said to her, “Lehzen, my bed is to be removed from my mother's room. In future I shall sleep alone.”

“I shall give orders that it is to be done at once,” said Lehzen.

I thought a great deal about Lehzen. She would have a position in the household now.

She came back to me and told me that the bed had been taken away from my mother's room. “The Duchess is most upset,” she added.

“Alas,” I replied, “I fear this will not be the only thing that upsets her.” Lehzen shook her head.

I said, “Lehzen, what is your position going to be?”

“I pray to God it will be as it ever was.”

“Lehzen, I don't need a governess any more.”

She looked alarmed, and I threw my arms around her. “But I shall always need you,” I went on.

She wept a little. Dear Lehzen! Her greatest fear in life was that she should be separated from me.

She said, “I think it would be better, my dearest, if I took no position but just remained beside you… always… the one who loves you… and none could love you more.”

“Dear, dear Lehzen, you will always be my friend. You shall have the title of Lady Attendant upon the Queen. What do you think of that?”