“I have always found his conduct just what it should have been. I am sure he has been the prey of unscrupulous people.”
The Duchess looked at me intently and said, “I see that Lord Melbourne has made a favorable impression on Your Majesty.”
“I find him honest and straightforward; and I am sure he will not fail to be truthful to me.”
I was glad I knew something of his past. A man who had come through so much would naturally be very worldly and sophisticated. I admired him more than ever. I liked that easy nonchalance; and most of all, I think, I liked his manner, which was so delightfully protective. He gave me courage, which was what I needed at that time; he made me feel that I was entirely capable of performing my duty, and I was confident that, with such a man to guide me, I could not fail.
AFTER I HAD learned about Lord Melbourne's adventurous past I felt closer to him than ever. I had the greatest admiration for a man who could go through so much and appear unscathed by it. It was the right attitude to life, I decided. I must try to emulate it.
I told him once how I never ceased to be grateful that I had come to the throne when he was Prime Minister. “For,” I added, “it could so easily have been someone else.”
“You would have found whoever was there was just as able to advise Your Majesty.”
“This is the first time I have had to disagree with you, Lord Melbourne.”
“It is true, Your Majesty.”
“Lord Melbourne, I must ask you not to contradict the Queen.”
Then we burst into laughter. He stood up and bowed very solemnly. “A thousand pardons, Ma'am,” he said. “You are right, and to be honest, in my heart, I am in complete agreement with you.”
There was nothing solemn about him. He made everything a matter for amusement. He was so consoling.
I told him about my dear friend Harriet, of whom I grew fonder every day.
“Your Majesty is of a most affectionate nature.”
“Anyone would be fond of Harriet. She is so handsome…so tall. I do wish I were not so short. Everyone else seems to grow …except me. I always have to look up to people.”
“No, Ma'am, it is everyone who must look up to you.”
“I mean in inches.”
“We have so many instances in public life of people who are less than average height in stature rising to great heights in achievement. Think of Lord Nelson. He was a little man. Napoleon…”
“I would not wish to be as he was.”
He put his hand inside his jacket and struck a Napoleonic pose, which made me laugh.
“I think there is very little danger of that happening, Ma'am,” he said. “Oh, there are instances everywhere. Personally I think giantesses and Amazons a most unappealing brand of female.”
“You make me feel better, Lord Melbourne, as always.”
“Shall I tell you a secret?”
“Oh yes, please do.”
“You remember the first Council meeting when you came in looking so young…so tiny…so regal…? There was not a dry eye in the place. You conquered all by your… slightness. You looked so young, so appealing that there was not a man there who would not have died for you. I doubt they would have felt the same emotion if confronted by a monumental figure of a Queen.”
He looked at me with tears in his eyes and I thought: Yes, he is right. They did like me. I could sense their feeling for me. So perhaps it is not so bad to be small.
“Of course,” I went on, “I am a little plump.”
“We do not want a skeleton to rule us, Ma'am.”
And I was laughing again.
“It is because the Duchess is so beautiful …” I tried to explain. “I love to look at her face. She is so animated … almost always. She has a delicate nose, so beautifully shaped. Mine is rather big. You must admit it.”
“I will only admit to its being exactly the right shape and size to fit. In fact, did you know that people with little noses rarely achieve greatness?”
“Is that so?”
“Undeniable.”
I laughed and said, “This is a strange conversation for a queen to have with her prime minister. We ought to be talking of serious matters. Harriet is very serious.”
“She seems to possess all the virtues.”
“She is very good, quite noble. She is worried about the poor. She is on committees about slavery and chimney sweeps and children working in the mines. She says the government should do something about it. She talks very earnestly and sometimes she makes me weep. When I think of little ones dragging trolleys through underground passages… little children bent double… They are so young… little more than babies.”
“It is better for them to do that than to starve.”
“Harriet thinks something should be done for them. Could it be looked into? Harriet says it is the government's problem.”
“I don't think these children would be happy if their livelihood was taken away from them. It is better to leave these things alone.”
“It worries me. I think of it at night.”
“Your thoughts should not be disturbed by such matters. The Duchess of Sutherland is a very worthy lady—oh, so tall with the most squeeny nose—but that does not necessarily mean that she is the fount of all wisdom. As I told you, smaller people with larger noses, can have a greater share of that desirable commodity.”
So I was laughing with him again and he made me forget about those little children down the mines. After all, I told myself, it is better to work than to starve.
I did have one disagreement with Lord Melbourne and I think I rather surprised him by my firmness.
There was to be a review of the troops in Hyde Park and to my horror Mama suggested that I should ride in a carriage. I believe she had suggested this because if I did so, she could ride with me. I imagined her sitting there haughtily acknowledging the cheers of the crowd, which were meant for me.
I laughed at the idea.
“Of course not,” I said. “Monarchs review troops on horseback. The idea of reviewing troops in a carriage!”
Mama pointed out that I had not ridden since my attack of typhoid fever and I was unfit to do so.
It was true that I had not ridden since then, and that I had taken a long time to recover, but to ride in a carriage…Never!
I told Lord Melbourne about it and to my dismay he said, “I agree with the Duchess. Your Majesty must not review the troops on horseback.”
“How can troops be reviewed from a carriage?”
“Quite easily. Everyone will understand.”
“Understand what? That I am unfit to ride a horse… that I am afraid?”
“It would be too much of a risk, Ma'am. You would have to ride with Wellington.”
“And why should I not?”
“It must be a carriage. Parliament will insist.”
“Can they do that?”
He nodded gravely.
“Well then,” I said, “if there is to be no horse, there will be no review.”
He looked at me in astonishment. It was the first time I had seen him at a loss for words.
I did not believe for one moment that the review would be canceled, but it was. They were all—including Lord Melbourne—afraid that because it was some time since I had ridden, I should be unable to stand the strain.
Of course I realized that his attitude was due to his care of me and it did not make any difference to our relationship. But I think he was a little taken aback by my resolution to have my own way.
KENSINGTON PALACE WAS not a suitable home for the sovereign and about two weeks after my accession, I decided to make Buckingham Palace my London residence. The rooms pleased me. They were high, pleasant, and cheerful. It was great fun inspecting it. I decided that the Picture Gallery and the Bow Room should be properly ventilated, and that sinks must be put in the chambermaids' bedrooms. This could be done while I was at Windsor where I should be going shortly. I was delighted that Dash loved the gardens, and we enjoyed romping together on the grass all by ourselves.
There was one thing I did not like so much about the Palace. It was vast, and my bedroom seemed a long way from that of Lehzen. My mother, of course, had her own separate apartments, and I had made sure that they were some way from mine. Sometimes I would wake in the night and listen to the silence. Then I would hear a creaking board and fancy the little noises I heard were footsteps. I had never been nervous in Kensington. How could I have been? I was never alone, with Lehzen sitting with me until Mama came to bed. But now that I had the satisfaction of being alone, I found the nights eerie.
I was talking to Lord Melbourne one day. He came every morning to discuss State matters—and of course we liked to talk of other things as well. Nothing could have been less like a queen talking to her prime minister. I even used to bring Dash in with me. I was delighted that when Lord Melbourne spoke in his charming musical voice, Dash immediately responded. In no time he was licking the Prime Minister's hand.
“That is wonderful!” I cried. “He is not so friendly with everyone, I can tell you.”
“He knows I am a friend of yours. But dogs always like me.”
“They know who is good and kind to them.”
“Good and kind in an animal world often means the supplying of food; but I do believe dogs have a special sense.”
“Oh, so do I.”
“This little fellow would protect you with his life.”
“Yes, that is what I feel when I wake up in the night and see him asleep in his basket. I feel very comforted.”
Then because I could talk to him as easily as I could to Lehzen, I told him that, in the night when I awoke, I felt a little shivery. “It is so quiet there…so vast…I feel… rather alone.”
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